Tag: CRPS

decisions made

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, cauda equina syndrome, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression

Decisions made

I have decided not to go to my cousin’s wedding tomorrow. I feel like it will just be stressful and if I am in pain then I will be a grump. I am two weeks post op from a hysterectomy. I think it is too soon to be going. I also am stressed about the whole cathing situation. I have to go every three hours or so and I would rather do it in my own bathroom rather than a public restroom. I also worry about Covid because chances are we won’t be wearing masks and there will be 20 year olds and 30 year olds at the wedding. I don’t know how many people there are but there is at least 50 people minimum.

I had a difficult night sleeping. I was up every few hours. I finally gave up around 0630. I thought I would have the kitchen to myself but my mother woke up and she made her breakfast. I just had my coffee with biscuits. I wanted to make the quiche but I didn’t feel up to it. I might have it later this morning when I have my second cup of coffee.

I am feeling really tired. I want to lie down and nap but my surgeon’s nurse is supposed to call me sometime in the morning so I need to be up. I want to ask her if any nerves were cut during surgery. That is important for me to know. And also when the stitches will fall off. I still have them and they seem stuck in place. I tried pulling them out and they wouldn’t give. I have a stitch in my belly button that is annoying because it is pointy. It like pricks my finger when I try and clean it out. I still have discharge so I won’t be changing to boxers like I hoped to do. I might wear them during the day and then change to women’s underwear for the evening so I can wear a pad. Only think is, the discharge is unpredictable so I might get the stuff on my boxers. That will suck. I am going to wait another few days before changing things up.

I bought a graduated water bottle so I would know how much I drink during the day. I still have no used it yet. I plan to wash it today and fill it with either water or Gatorade. I haven’t decided which I am going to use. I want to track how much I drink so I know when I cath if the output is the same. Right now drinking Gatorade I am just estimating how much I drink.

I have a feeling when I talk to the uro NP she is going to have me measure my urine when I go to see how much I am outputting. That isn’t going to be fun. I understand the reasoning behind it but it is just a pain in the ass. I might have to go in to get a bladder scan after I cath to see if there is anything left. It is the only way of knowing if I am truly empty. I hate my life right now as it just seems to revolve around bladder issues. It is always in the forefront of my mind.

resting today

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, CRPS, depression

Resting today

I woke up around 330 this morning to pee and it took a while to get back to sleep. My med alarm went off and I had to pee again. I took my meds after and then went back to sleep. The surgeon’s nurse called to check in with me around noon time and I got up for coffee after we spoke. It was raining so I decided to stay in. I was going to go out to get some half and half but decided to get it delivered with some other stuff.

I just plan on resting today. I had to give myself the T shot today. My left leg was being cranky so I opted to give my right another shot. I also plan on brushing my teeth and shaving my head again. I also need to shower. It will be later this afternoon when I am up for it. I am too tired to do it right now. I just want to sleep.

Pain is a little less today. I was having some mega pain earlier but I think it was because my bladder was full and I had to have a BM. I felt better afterwards. I didn’t cath after I voided. I was going to drink coffee so I know I am going to go again soon. I will cath then. The discharge is becoming less. I probably will be back to boxers by the weekend. Saturday I have a wedding to go to. I am kind of nervous about it. I have to go in my closet and find a dress shirt. The one I ordered is too tight for my liking. I might wear short sleeves. I really want to wear my burgundy red shirt with the tie I bought and black pants.

I haven’t eaten anything today. The restaurant where I normally buy Kung Pao doesn’t sell it anymore. I ordered it from some place else and it was horrible. I will never buy food there again. Even their wontons sucked. Just for kicks I took my weight and found that it was still below 200. I guess the swelling and soreness from surgery has brought my weight back to where it should be. I was over 200 when I was at the surgeon’s office last week. I didn’t get weighed this week when I saw her because I couldn’t bear to see what it was.

another day of recovering from surgery

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, CRPS, depression

Another day recovering from surgery

I wanted to go to Starbucks today but after I had my coffee and started coloring, I felt weak and tired. It is over 90 degrees so I decided to treat myself to Starbucks rather than go out to get it. Only when it was delivered I realized I forgot to order a pumpkin scone. They already have their fall items out. The scone is my favorite along with their pumpkin bread. I am hoping tomorrow is cooler so I can go out, even if it is a walk around the block. I just realized I forgot to mail my ballot so will need to go to the post office tomorrow.

I have a wedding to go to next Saturday so I booked an appointment with my barber for next Friday. Mid-morning appointments tend to go fast so I am glad I booked in advance. I ordered a new shirt, belt, and tie for the wedding. I have a pair of dress pants that I will just throw in the wash. I just don’t know what I will do about my catheters. I don’t have a small bag that is stylish enough for a wedding. I hope by next week I am back to wearing boxers and not pads. I am still having discharge but it is getting less with each passing day.

I had to look up some appointments as they are not in my calendar. I came across the notes from my surgeon for Monday. In the notes was the path report for my reproductive system. Apparently I had endometriosis. I wonder if that was why I was having cramps nearly every month since being on testosterone. I feel better that it could be that rather than my bladder. I am still having cramps and pain but it is much more mild than it was yesterday. The real pain that I have is my thigh. I don’t know why I am having so much pain there. I haven’t done anything that would cause it. I might take some gabapentin if it continues as I am sure it is nerve pain. I wish there was a stretch I could do to stretch it out some but with my lower leg being not as mobile as my right it is difficult to do it.

I see my psychiatrist next week. Feels like ages since I last saw him. I have been in contact with him with the patient message system. He has been responsive. He is a good guy. My psych thinks highly of him. She hasn’t been my psych for almost three years now but I have known her for thirty years so I still call her my psych. I don’t think that will ever change. I still keep in touch with her, more than I write to my psychiatrist. I have never met him in person because of Covid so I don’t really know what he is like. I think telehealth is something that is going to happen for some time and I don’t think is going to change in the near future.

Sox had an ugly loss last night. Pitching fell apart as usual. At this rate playoffs seem hopeless. There is a month of playing left and if the pitching doesn’t improve it doesn’t look like they will be playing in Oct.

Sunday Blog 22082021

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, blogging, CRPS, depression, FTM, mood disorders, PTSD, writing

Sunday Blog 22082021

Post op day 4 hysterectomy

I got some good sleep finally. I feel really good. I am not in as much pain as I was in yesterday. I made sure to empty my bladder throughout the night and that helped. I am cathing every four hours to make sure I am empty completely. It hurts to void so that is why I am cathing. My genital area is sore but that is to be expected and the vaginal entrance is a little swollen. I noticed some clear discharge that is not mentioned at all with the post op stuff so I hope it is nothing to be worried about. I sent my surgeon a message anyway to ask if it is a concern or not.

Only thing I am planning on doing today is reading my MLB book. I started reading it last night as I couldn’t sleep. I read for about an hour and it helped to relax. I wanted to finish the chapter but it was too long. It was covering the two decades of 1900 and 1910. A lot of interesting baseball stuff happened during those years. I am having my doubts about being able to write a book about the history of team names. There is a lot of cross over between the leagues and some cities stays and it just gets confusing because things changed year to year, season to season.

I also plan on watching DS9. I can only watch so much TV before I get bored so if I watch two episodes, I will call that a win. Because of Tropical Storm Henri, baseball has been canceled for today in the New England area. We already had a tremendous thunderstorm and heavy rain. It is supposed to continue until tomorrow. I just hope nothing floods.

I am trying to fight off a nap right now. I am so tired from just having a cup of coffee and some breakfast. I know I am tired from post op. That is a given. It just comes on so suddenly that it is overwhelming sometimes. I am not having a lot of pain today. I made sure I took my pain meds during the night as I had my med alarm set to go off. I still only slept every three hours or so because I had to empty my bladder. My bladder seems to have its own schedule. I am glad I cath. It makes me feel like a man because I am standing while peeing.

I have been in the mood to write something profound but words are escaping me. I want to write a letter to my therapist about my trauma, just talking about one aspect of it and see where it leads me. I have so much emotion pent up in me right now that I think writing about it might help. I might post it on my blog if it isn’t too graphic in detail. I think writing about my cousin’s molestations might be helpful for me. I have been having intrusive memories about it the past few days. The one thing about anesthesia that I had is it brings things to the surface that you are trying to keep undercover. But with trauma there is always something under the surface. Anything that has to do with my genitals is a trigger for my sexual abuse to be in the forefront of my mind, even if I am not conscious of it.