Tag: mental illness

Sunday Blog 06092020

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Sunday Blog 06092020

I am post op day 10. I had surgery to remove and repair a csf leak. I thought it would be safe to shower and I was careful not to have my back on the water for too long as I still have stitches. I felt so much better after I washed up. I shaved and took a chunk of skin off my cheek. I don’t know how it happened. The razor wasn’t my friend. I got three nicks. Sucks. I had to use the nick stick twice for the nick I took skin off. Damn thing wouldn’t stop bleeding.

After I showered, I made coffee and then I went to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. I came back home knackered. I am just so tired. Today was the first time I left the house since coming back home from the hospital. I did okay but it still is tiring to go up my street. Those five houses from the corner to my house is so damn tough to walk up that hill. I get winded. But then I get winded when I go up the stairs, too. I am not in too much pain today other than a headache that just started to get worse. I took some Tylenol when it first started. I might take some ibuprofen.

I got Tim McGraw’s new album and have been listening to it. It is pretty good. There isn’t any duets with his wife on this album. Sucks. I love their duets.

I weighed myself for the first time in a month. I lost three pounds. I haven’t been eating so great since coming home from the hospital. I haven’t had much of an appetite. Depression has been bad the past few weeks. I was OK a few days after surgery but then the anesthesia wore off and my mood plummeted. It has been low since. I have been resting because my back needs it. I am so tired of having nothing to do. I got a few appointments this week. I get my stitches out and see my therapist. I don’t know if seeing her the same day is going to be good but we’ll see. I also see my psychopharm this week. She finally agreed to put me on citalopram. I started that on Friday. It is going to take a few weeks to work. I think it will work better than sertraline as I don’t recall it giving me stomach problems in the past. I am hoping for the same this time around. I only stopped it way back when due to it being ineffective after years of taking it.

three days post op

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Three days post op

I am home from the hospital. I came home yesterday afternoon. I am glad because my roommate was a real prick and I couldn’t stand him abusing the nurses. He would call for every little thing and if they didn’t come in the second after the call ended he would call again. So demanding. And he would shout out in pain like every fifteen minutes. It was so unpleasant. I can’t say I felt bad for him because I have been through what he went through. I know how painful the surgery was because I have gone through it. But that doesn’t give you the right to abuse someone because you are in pain. That isn’t right.

I am glad I am in my own bed. I don’t have the pain medication that I need so I need to be careful that I don’t take too much of it. I am in a lot of pain but it is bearable. I told the resident that I didn’t need any pain scripts. I will make due with what I have at home. I got a nice bruise on my hand from an IV insertion. I am glad it doesn’t hurt but it sure looks ugly. I can’t take a shower till tomorrow. I might take it on Tuesday just to be safer. I smell and I can’t stand it. I might wash up today and try and rejoin the human race. I also need to shave but I don’t know if I will be able to stand long enough to do it. Back has been tender.

I got bad Sox news this afternoon. The Sox traded one of their first basemen that I really liked. Now he is with the Padres. We got a 3B and an outfielder in the trade, which to me doesn’t make sense. We don’t need a 3B. So stupid. My cousin said to watch the Three Stooges instead of the Sox. I wanted to listen to them today but I have yet to turn on the radio. They were leading 2-0 last I checked the score. Bogey scored a 2 run homerun. He has been awesome this season. Dalbec got his first hit with a homerun!! Sox are leading 8-2. I am listening to the Sox on the Radio.com app on my phone. It is pretty cool listening to the game this way. I am glad they have permission to broadcast the games now.

I am taking the week off of therapy. I feel like I need a break. I hope it will help me be more talkative during session. I want to see if I can go two weeks without therapy. It really is up to me when I want to go back. I don’t think she will mind me taking the time off. I still am recovering from surgery. I feel okay though. I don’t feel so depressed but I don’t have that little upbeat stuff I had my first surgery. I just feel okay.

old D35

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Old D35

I am listening to Mary Chapin Carpenter’s new album and there is a song on it called “Old D35”. I like it. It is cool. I love her voice. It is so soothing. Her new album is really cool and different than her previous album. I really like it because it has an upbeat tempo even if the song is sad. There is a song called “It’s ok to be sad” that I absolutely love. The lyrics are so profound yet totally relate worthy. It is like she is giving you permission to feel whatever. It truly is a marvelous song. I wish she would be on the radio more but it is so hard for artists to be on the radio these days, especially female artists.

I was talking to my cousin today. She called me to talk about my upcoming surgery and things. We have a family zoom meeting tomorrow night that I hope to attend. It will be good to see my cousins again. I just hope no one brings up my surgery because I really don’t want to talk about it with a particular cousin that is nuts. She is just so wild I can’t handle her intrusiveness.

My other cousin was to take me grocery shopping today but he had other plans so canceled on me. He said he would take me tomorrow so we’ll see. I just need to pick up somethings as I am out of Gatorade. I want to get some steak and some other things before I place my monthly order. I just hope I can get the flaxseed cereal I like. It will be cheaper in the store than through the app. The new app doesn’t have the things that I like or that the old app had. It makes ordering more difficult as my only large order is getting Powerade/Gatorade. I have to make a list of things that I need to get or I will forget.

Last night I had heartburn pretty bad. I think it is because of sertraline so I didn’t take my dose today. I still got heartburn but it wasn’t as bad as last night. I will skip tomorrow’s dose and see if that quiets things down. I took a shower today and shaved all the parts that needed it. My back didn’t like it. (I didn’t shave my back.) it just flared up with cramps and spasms. I had to sit down quite a few times while in the shower. I swear it was the longest shower because I kept having to sit down to ease the spasms. The hot water didn’t help. My foot flared up and it is still flared up. I feel like my bones are being crushed. I hope the breakthrough med helps. I don’t have anything stronger to take. I hope I will be able to sleep tonight before midnight. Last night I had such trouble sleeping. I didn’t go to sleep until around or after 0230. I was scared I was going to be up all night again. I shouldn’t have trouble tonight because I am tired and sleepy. But I am also feeling anxious because I am thinking of my surgery so I might not fall asleep as quickly as I think I will.

The lab called to schedule my Covid testing. I will be going into Boston to a place I am not familiar with. I think I will take an Uber. Then if I am familiar with the surroundings and feel ok to walk to the train station, I will take public transportation home. I just hope it doesn’t rain that day. I have to be tested to make sure I don’t have the virus for surgery. I am nervous about the testing. I hope it isn’t painful.

tired of being exhausted

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Tired of being exhausted

For the third day in a row I woke up feeling like a deadweight. I feel so tired. I had coffee and that woke me up a little bit but I wanted to take a nap after I finished it. I didn’t. I made myself a cheeseburger instead. The burger was good. I still feel wicked tired and want to nap but I have been having trouble sleeping so I don’t want to mess up my schedule. I had a total insomnia day where I was up for 23 hours before I fell asleep for two hours and then I didn’t sleep the rest of the day. I woke up a couple of times during the night. I had to pee. Today is also the third day that I have had the runs. I have no idea why I have the runs. I haven’t changed my diet or anything. Just so weird. Maybe that is why I am so tired. I am dehydrated. It is still cool out. The hot summer hasn’t come back yet. I hope it doesn’t.

I still haven’t showered. I just don’t feel like it. I just want to sleep. I wanted to take down my recycles today because tomorrow they go out but I haven’t. Been three weeks that I have kept the bag full of stuff for recycle. I still have boxes that I need to breakdown for recycle, too. I started to do it yesterday but this fatigue I have been feeling has been awful. I do one thing and I get so tired. I know part of it is because of the spinal leak. I have surgery in eight days. I am so nervous. I had the pre screening call yesterday. It went okay. She said she will send me a message of the meds I am not to take the day of surgery and the night before. I haven’t received it yet.

I hyperextended my elbow last night and man does it hurt today. I can’t straighten my arm out without pain. I hate when I do that but it happens while I sleep so there is not much I can do about it. My ankle bone has been acting up the past hour or so. I hate when it flares up because it takes so much to quiet it down. But that is true for most of the CRPS pain. Once it flares it takes so much to quiet down and I hate it because it makes me feel so hopeless. My ankle seems to flare with the ankle bone and it is just torture. I just took my breakthrough med for it. I figure if I try to get ahead of the pain now, I might have a chance of sleeping before midnight.