Tag: mental illness

Sunday Blog 6 August 2017

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Sunday Blog 6 August 2017

I thought I would wake up early as my med alarm was to go off around 7. I don’t remember shutting the alarm off or taking my meds so I must have been really in a deep sleep. I checked my spreadsheet to see if I did log in my pain meds and there wasn’t an entry for today. I went almost all day without pain meds. I wasn’t in pain so I guess that was good.

I woke up around 1330 and had breakfast. I brushed my teeth before hand and then ate. My gums are still sore from the dental work. I made coffee but by the time it was done, I was getting sleepy again. I must have had a few sips, went to my room, had a few more sips and then took a nap. It was Pike not my expensive coffee so I didn’t care that it got wasted. My mother called me to make sure I would be making supper. I woke up a few hours later due to my bladder. It was 1600 and I wasn’t in pain so I just made supper.

I made ribs and they were good. Unfortunately, one tried to escape and got on my shirt as I saved it. So after supper, I took a shower. I needed one anyways as the last time I took one was Wednesday. After the shower I filled my med box for the week. I hope my doc calls in my hormone pills because I just used the last week. I’ll have to keep an eye on it because I don’t want to miss a dose next week. My ankle started to hurt when I was done so I took some pain meds.

I missed the ball game, though they won. That makes it 6 in a row. I am so happy for my guys. We are still narrowly in first with the Skankees in 2nd place. We play the Evil Empire the end of the week. Those games will really count toward the standings as we are so close.

I got to call the dentist tomorrow because my gum line is still so sore whenever I eat anything. I have been taking ibuprofen, which as helped but the soreness is still there. I just don’t want it to become infected or anything. That would suck really bad.

I got a comment on one of my popular blogs, Knackered, today. The woman has a daughter with Cauda Equina Syndrome. I then checked my stats and there are 23 views from that blog alone for today. The UK is really reading my blogs with 21 views, so far. I am a stats geek, though I do not like the new format of WordPress Stats. But, can’t do anything about it. As long as I can get my daily tally, I am good. I just miss being about to click on a blog and see the total stats for it. I haven’t quite figured it out with the new format. I also miss seeing my total views. I need to change screens and it’s a pain. I used to take screen shots of it and post it on FB but it’s hard to do now. But now that I can screen shot on my phone, I think I can post it.

I’m getting really excited because this coming Saturday I will be going on a booze cruise around Boston Harbor to benefit Autism. I will be going with my youngest sister, who is also a mutual friend of the person running the cruise. It should be fun. I haven’t been around Boston Harbor in years so I am really looking forward to it. I love my city! I really can’t imagine living anywhere else, least not permanently. I have always wanted to go away to grad school somewhere because the tuition is cheaper. Now it doesn’t look like it will happen because I can’t afford to finish my bachelor’s degree. It still hurts. Just hope to win the lottery one day…

telling a turtle to run fast

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Telling a turtle to run fast

I woke up in the middle of the night due to pain. I took some meds and then had something to eat. I couldn’t go back to sleep so decided to set up my new phone. I had charged it while I was sleeping. There were plenty of updates like the phone I was giving my niece. It took a while for every thing to download. I think I finally went back to sleep around 0600. I woke up around 1415. I had a bad dream that I was diagnosed with lymphoma and was telling my father’s side of the family. In the dream, my cousin was my doctor (which is weird because in real life, he’s an architect). I woke up after we hugged one another. It was very strange.

I went down to go to the bathroom and then make coffee. I asked my mother if she wanted a cup and she did. I made it and gave it to her. I then went upstairs with my coffee. As I was drinking it, I was updating my apps to my new phone. Some had transferred over and some didn’t. I didn’t realize I had a 64GB internal memory. That is neat. After I played with my phone and my coffee was half done, my sister wanted to see me so I went downstairs. I got to the bottom and my ankle gave out on me. Lovely. My mother makes some funny comment and I’m like whatever. Then she says I sleep too much. That pissed me off. I told her I am not sleeping at night and so I need to sleep during the day. I must tell her this nearly every day. I think the next time I wake up at 0300, I am going to wake her up so she knows I’m up and see how she likes it. I am so mad that she gives me no fucking support. I said so to my sister, and she said it’s like telling a turtle to run fast. It is still annoying.

I had some eggplant and some soup that was left over from the other night. I’m still kind of hungry so I might order a sub. I had to shut the AC off because it’s quite cool today. Luckily, my back isn’t hurting from the drop in temps. I don’t get how it can be this cool in July, but I will take it over scorching hot. It’s cloudy today, least it is now. I hope it doesn’t rain because I want to try and listen to the ball game.

My Hawaiian coffee came today. I will have it grounded on Monday and then have it Tuesday. I love this coffee. I am going to use it sparingly because it costs a lot but it’s worth it. Monday I see my dipshit therapist. I have no idea what to talk to him about other than how the hospital stay didn’t help me at all but keep me safe. It did annoy me to the point of giving in to my suicidal urges/tendencies. I haven’t acted on it while I have been out but I am still planning. The other therapy place hasn’t called me and because I slept most of the day yesterday, I didn’t call them like I wanted to. I will call Monday before I leave to see dipshit.

Before I went to bed last night, I called Sprint to see if the return kit was on its way. I wanted to make sure the idiot I was talking to did the right thing and that I don’t have three phones I am paying for. He said the kit will arrive on Monday as it takes 3-5 business days. As long as it’s on its way, that is all I need to know.

I put the otterbox and screen protector on my new phone while I was up around 5. It is much thinner than my other one. I tried not to get bubbles with the screen protector but I did. I am not that great at putting on protectors. I am hoping that this new phone will allow the functions of my Bluetooth headset to work. It didn’t work with my old phone. I seemed to have thrown the pin used to take the extended storage card out. I don’t know what happened to it after I used it. Hopefully I don’t need it again. The only thing that sucks about this phone compared to the old one is charging takes forever. It takes at least two hours to fully charge. I do like it in every other way. I found how to make different screens while I was updating my niece’s phone. My ringtone transferred over so I don’t have to change that. I hope it did for my contacts as well, though I don’t know because the ringtones are different. I have to find annoying ones for my mother and her crazy sister so I know who it is that calls me.

Ramblings 474

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Ramblings 474

Today’s pain is not much different than it has been in the early morning hours. My ankle gave way just as I was having supper. I am in mega pain now. I have been trying to relax all day. I watched the movie Moana as it was free on Netflix. It was a good distraction and I really liked the movie.

It rained today so my back was acting up. It has settled down now but it’s muggy so I have the AC going. I can’t stand humidity at all. I emailed my psych to ask for a refill for the Invega as I would run out before I see her next. It’s ready at the pharmacy but I will pick it up tomorrow. I am hurting too much to walk outside. I am watching my niece tomorrow and was going to take her for lunch but I just got email saying my phones will be delivered tomorrow. I will wait for the delivery and then take her out. We’ll have lunch at Chipotle’s. This is the plan as long as I am not being tortured by my ankle. I just found out that it’s supposed to rain tomorrow and all weekend so I may not go out as planned. My sister will be leaving me cash so maybe I’ll just order pizza and fries for us.

I had taken an Ativan when the pain started to get really bad so I could possibly take a nap. I watched the movie instead and that helped to settle down the pain anxiety I was feeling. I really just want to chop my ankle off. It is so uncomfortable and I hate being so miserable all the damn time. It’s like every day I keep on having severe pain and I just can’t keep up with it. I’ve been taking my meds around the clock and they do work to lower the level of pain but it’s still there all the time. I’m never at a zero. My foot and ankle always tell me it is there. I hate it.

I’m going to try and go to sleep at a decent hour so I don’t wake up in the middle of the night. Think I will take a strong pain med at bedtime and see if that prevents me from waking up in the early morning hours. I need to sleep. There is no baseball game today as they are off. They won yesterday. It was a day game but because I was on the phone most of the day with Sprint, I didn’t watch or listen to it. I just caught the score on Facebook. The rookie had his first major league hit with a homerun. That was sweet. I hope we get good things from him and that management didn’t bring him up too early.

Was going through Twitter and Jason Aldean tweeted his video for his song “Night Train” and it brought back memories of his album. Now I am listening to it. I love these songs. I think this was the last Jason Aldean album that I bought. The rest of his songs are just individually purchased.

I am to take my night meds in about an hour. I will take the strong pain pill then. I need to try and get this pain under control. I know it is sometimes an uphill battle because all it takes is movement or a touch to set off my pain. It is so frustrating. I need to take a shower but it’s not happening tonight. Maybe tomorrow morning. My pain levels tend to be lower in the morning than any other time of day, not always but usually. If I have severe pain in the morning, it doesn’t bode well for a good day.

The pain group coordinator’s office staff called me to set up an appointment. It’s in October. Lovely. My October schedule seems to be getting filled. I see my PCP, the new neuro, and now this coordinator. I don’t know why I have to have a new intake when I saw her a few months ago. The only thing new is that I am seeing a therapist, which was her requirement before I went to the group. I don’t really care. The way that things are going, I might not be around come October so it doesn’t really matter.

Bollocks and Bullshit kind of day

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders, suicide

Bollocks and bullshit kind of day

I had shit for sleep so I am extremely irritable. I again woke up in the middle of the night in pain. Slept for a few hours, then my alarm went off. Good thing I woke up because my groceries came a few minutes later. I have been up since then. I put all the groceries away and then went to Starbucks for espresso. I didn’t feel like making coffee at home.

I was feeling groggy and sleepy so after an hour, I caught what was supposed to be the next bus but it never showed up. I was bullshit. I tweeted the MBTA and got no response as to why there was no bus. I had to wait an hour for the next one. My bladder didn’t like this. I went to walgreens for an errand for my mother and got a snack. I didn’t buy any snacks in my grocery order just food and water. By the time I came home, I was in a lot of pain. My foot was and is in severe pain. I couldn’t take my regular pills so I had to take the strong one. The pain is so bad that that didn’t even calm it down. I am in agony. Then I get a text saying my new phone was delivered. So I hobble down the stairs to get it. The box feels light for 2 phones. I open it and there is just one fucking phone. That is when I start swearing and using Bollocks because it covers more swears than I can think of.

I call sprint and they tell me one phone is on backorder. I checked and it says shipped on my status page. I was on hold with someone from Sprint and they transfer me to someone else that had a bad connection. He said that I needed to file a police report and I am like for something that didn’t ship?? He is like but you have the S5. I am like I ordered two S8s and only one was in the box and the invoices says QTY 1 so there was no other phone shipped, where is it and when will it be shipped. You didn’t upgrade. I said I got an email saying I did and my bill is now nearly $100 more a month so what the fuck are you talking about??!! This went back and forth, he kept putting me on hold to “check” things. I am getting bullshit and mad. My foot is ready to fucking explode and so is my damn head. Finally when I say I want to talk to a supervisor, he is like oh, we’ll put this in some kind of order resolution claim and you will be called on Monday. He then asks for a number I can be reached. After a fucking hour on being on the phone. Fucking fuck.

I complain on Twitter for this bullshit and now they are trying to help and taking their blessed time. I have had the secure window open for an hour now and they still haven’t responded to my inquiries. I am ready to shut the window and call it a fucking day. After I got off the phone with these idiots, I call my mother and tell her she needs to make dinner tonight because my foot is being a fuck. She asks how to cook the ribs and I tell her to follow the instructions on the package. Easy, peazy.

I got a call while I was on the phone with the idiots. It was the pain group coordinator. She left me a message saying I needed to redo the intake interview and her office will call with an appointment. Fucking great. Another damn interview with this lady who is a bitch. I emailed my psych to let her know and that I was in agony. I didn’t tell her I was suicidal from the damn pain that has gone on for almost 24 hours now. I pleaded with my support group to PM me or comment to have someone to talk to as I am in agony. This is the worst pain I have been in since last week and again, I didn’t do much to set it off.

So now that I know this phone is really my niece’s phone, I can set it up for her and play with it for a little while to get used it. It is sleeker than the S5. I really like this phone. I hope playing with it gets me more acquainted with it when I get MY phone, whenever the fuck that is. I am so bullshit it’s not funny. I had talk to two people who said there was 2 devices in the shipment that was shipped out and they lied. How is that good customer service??