Tag: physical pain

Saturday Blog 16 Dec 2017

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Saturday Blog 16 Dec 17

I had a very difficult night last night. It wasn’t due to pain, least not the physical kind. My lovely, greedy government gave the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention), a list of words that cannot be used in their fiscal year budget. While normally, I try my best to ignore their stupidity, there was one word that was like a dagger to my heart, transgender. If they didn’t include this word because it was banned, I just fear we are moving from a democracy to a more dictatorship where my fellow transgender people will be punished or even killed, if they didn’t kill themselves first. And even if we did kill ourselves, it would be banned to use that “category” so the suicide would not be recorded correctly for further research. But then evidence-based and science-based have been banned as well so there would be no accurate studies anymore. Just broke my heart when I saw that word and I am seriously questioning moving forward with my transition while under Cheeto. I would really hate for my doctors to lawfully report my treatment should the idiot demand such things. (this is my paranoia talking, medical treatment is still under confidentiality.)

Also a few Nos on the tax bill got bribed to a yes, so I have no idea if my Medicare will get cut some time next year or the year after. I still have private insurance, which is going up at least $30-$40 next year. It will cost me over $300 for health insurance between the two insurances. And there is no guarantee that my SSD won’t be cut either. But I am getting ahead of myself.

My foot bones were again hurting when I woke up. I stood up and saw stars. I was not going to make cookies that I wanted to make today. I posted the recipe in a previous blog. It seems easy, though I am going to watch the video again. I still have no idea if I have the right circumference of the muffin pans for the cookie filling. I know I can make the filling okay, it is the cookie part I am worried about. I have never done something like this.

I had breakfast and did okay. I made a cup of tea as I didn’t feel like making coffee. I needed to take a shower but was taking my time. After lunch, my foot really flared up. It settled a little bit and I took that chance for a shower. For the first time in two weeks, I didn’t slip. I guess I should take one when I am not fatigued.

My sister came up after my brother in law brought me a loaf of bread that was three times the size I normally get. He told me to freeze some as it was half frozen so I did. I froze it in three portions, Saran wrap and aluminum foil wrapped. I didn’t want to put it in plastic bag as ice seems to get in it, spoiling it. I left out a portion so I could have it tomorrow for breakfast with maybe some eggs. My foot was getting cold despite wearing my slippers. I came upstairs and my foot went berserk again and got really cold. It then was hurting from being icy cold. I put on thermal socks. Damn thing is still cold, under my blanket and comforter! I don’t know why as it ten degrees warmer than yesterday. For some reason, my mother hasn’t been playing with the heat, which I like. My mother was really hot in her room last night, even though her door was open. Now she knows what I go through when she turns the heat up high. I can’t stand the icy pain I am feeling in my foot. Only half of my foot hurts. This sucks.

I wish I had Doritos as I want to make a tuna sandwich tonight. I like to eat them with Doritos. When I was a kid, my best friend introduced Dorito tuna sandwich. It’s been my favorite ever since. I stole a roll of bread from my sister’s to make a sandwich and that will be my dinner, though my mother said she was going to make a tuna salad so I don’t know what we are having. I hope she doesn’t use my tuna if she makes the salad. My tuna is just 3.5 oz and it’s perfect to make one sandwich.

Last night I was so tired from running around with my head cut off, that I fell asleep before 10 pm. I never watched It’s a Wonderful Life. I will watch it one of these days. It’s my traditional Christmas movie. I also got to dust off Home Alone as that is another of my Christmas favorites. Unfortunately, I don’t have A Christmas Carol. I really would love to get the one where Patrick Stewart plays Scrooge. I have yet to see that version. My favorite version of that movie is the black and white one. I think it was in 1939 or so. I have to look at the year as I don’t remember who played Scrooge but it is my favorite version. How the Grinch Stole Christmas is my other favorite cartoon Christmas movie, not the Jim Carrey one. I don’t like the people Grinch. I wish they would leave classics the way they are.

used a lot of spoons today

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Used a lot of spoons today

I had a rough night sleeping. I woke up in the middle of the night and didn’t go back to sleep till after 0500. I hoped that I would wake up around 1000 so I could make my sauce. I woke up around 0930. That was good enough. I used the bathroom and brushed my teeth. Then I made oatmeal pancakes. My mother had a nurse come to the house around 1030 and I then started making the sauce. After the nurse left, my mother called me into the TV room to sort out the closed captioning. It wasn’t working. I tried everything I knew and then called Comcast to see if there was something wrong. There answer was the TV wasn’t connected to the cable box as there was no signal. OK. I had to call the TV manufacturer to find out how to fix it. So my mother had to watch TV with the sound on as she couldn’t read the words to the program. I told her I would try and see if disconnecting the TiVO helped at all.

I waited for her to have lunch in the kitchen and then I went into the TV room to finagle things. I disconnected the TiVo box and just connected the TV to the cable. Whatever I did, stopped the cable remote from working. Great. I called comcast again and the idiot tech kept giving me codes for the TV but it didn’t fix the problem. I spent at least an hour inputting 5 digit codes that didn’t work. I took the problem to twitter and within 5 minutes, the remote was working the way it should. I still didn’t have closed captioning though. My mother was upset at this but there was nothing I could do about it.

By the time I finished with the TV issue, the sauce was done. I was still full from the pancakes so didn’t make lunch. I told a friend that I would bring her some sauce and waited for it to cool a bit before I took it to her. She works at my dental office that is up the street from me. I had to mail some stuff and my mother wanted me to get some stamps at Walgreens. I have no idea why she doesn’t get them at the post office. The post office is like a block away from Walgreens. Just sounds stupid to me. So after I dropped off the sauce to my friend and mailed the letters, I went to Walgreens. I just made it to my street when my ankle went berserk. Fuck. I was wearing my AFO but that didn’t make a difference. I had been wearing the boot while making the sauce and fixing the TV. I was in a lot of pain. I made it to my house and carefully went up the stairs. I gave my mother her change and stamps and then went up to my room. My med alarm went off so I took some pain meds. I then played on my phone until I was ready to make dinner. I was getting hungry at this point.

I asked my mother if she was hungry and she said kind of. I decided to make pasta anyway. My ankle pain had subsided but I put the boot back on just in case. I cooked the pasta and then had dinner with my mother. Afterwards, I put what was left of the sauce in a plastic container and put it in the fridge. I was wiped out. I went upstairs to my room. My ankle is still hurting me. I got notification from Walgreens that the med the neuro wants me on is out of stock. Great. I am having misgivings about going on this drug.

I had notifications on Facebook so I checked them. Most were likes or reactions to the pics I posted. One was that It’s a Wonderful Life would be playing at a theater close by. I think I will watch it tonight as I finally reinstalled the DVD software. I was going to watch it the other night but was too tired to install the program to watch the movie. I am completely out of spoons right now and I want to go downstairs and get a twinkie. I really shouldn’t as I have gained a lot of weight. The jeans I wore today were kind of tight on me. Not a good sign. I feel bloated all the time after I eat, which just makes me feel like a fat pig. I know I got to lose weight but it’s so hard to keep track of calories and shit. I also love sweets so being on a diet just isn’t going to work. This weekend I want to make cream cheese cookies. They look easy to make though I don’t know if they really will be. I have to manipulate the dough to form a well for the cream cheese mixture, which is something I have never done before. I hope they come out ok.

Last night before bed, I started the book Tex by SE Hinton. I bawled in the 1st chapter. It was just so sad. I hope the book gets better. It has been years since I read this book. If I don’t watch It’s a Wonderful Life, maybe I will read. All depends on my pain levels and mental awareness. I am feeling really sleepy so I am not sure I can do either at this point. I did a lot today without meaning to. I still need to clear the TV cabinet of the wires I pulled out for the TiVo and throw the TiVo away. I am so sad that it no longer works. I had it for a good 16 years though. It lived its life. I also got to unplug the DVD player as the light is bothering my mother. I have no idea why there IS a light on if the thing is off. So stupid.

just a blog about SSDD, same shit different day

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Just a blog about SSDD, same shit different day

I had gone to bed before 2200. I woke up around 0130 or so and didn’t go back to sleep until 0400. If my pain was down, I planned on calling my PT’s office to see if I could see her. I don’t know if it’s the cold or what, but my foot bones as well as the malleolus were hurting. I didn’t feel like getting out of bed. I wanted to make a marinara sauce but I think I will make it tomorrow as my mother made chicken cutlets tonight. I basically slept most of the day. I was tired and in pain and didn’t want to do shit.

As I am writing this, I am listening to Luke Combs, one of my new favorite country artists. I can’t believe I missed seeing him when he was in Boston. I didn’t find out until too late that he was here. Not like I had money for tickets or anything but would have been nice to see a concert.

So the Federal Communication Commission has been bought, by who, we don’t know but they repealed net neutrality today. If there isn’t resistance, and there is a lot of talk about it, it will take place in a few months. What this means is that companies can decide for you what websites you see, Google could charge you per search, WordPress might no longer be free or not accessible like it is. Just sucks. I don’t know if my website for my blog will be available, even though I pay for the domain. Or I might pay more for it. Also, internet companies can charge what they want without warning. Just fucking lovely so companies can get more money. The chickenshit Republican party (those elected to Congress) are trying to UNDO everything that All the bones in my foot and ankle have been hurting me all fricken day. Fucking hate CRPShas done while in office. Net Neutrality was one of these things.

While I was up in the middle of the night, I checked on The Ride and how it works. I have to apply and possible be examined by their staff. Screwed that. I don’t have severe pain every day that keeps me from going out and I usually don’t know until the day of that I hurt too much to go out. It would kind of be useless.

My cousin called me as I was going to take a nap around 1300. Fucking idiot saw the pic I posted while I was all hooked up for the sleep study and wanted to tell me his comments about it, like I cared. I still have a rash from the tape on my neck. He has been annoying me lately, so I blocked his number. He said he was going to call me in a few hours to “wake me up so I can sleep at night”. Fuck that. Who the hell are you to determine my sleep hours?? He is such a fucking idiot. And no matter how many times I correct him on calling me G, he still fucking calls me my birth name. That pisses me off more than anything.

I got nine days till my birthday. I am dreading it because I won’t be spending it with people I want to spend it with. My friend who makes dresses and things made an apron and I like it. I had her make one for me and it came today. If I make the marinara tomorrow, I will wear it so I don’t get sauce on me as some times it splatters when I pour the crushed tomatoes in the pan. It was a simple apron, white with a navy blue pocket. I like it a lot. It is my first apron. I am going to try and make the cookies I wanted to make last week this week. It should be fun.

sleep study, pain, and more pain

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Sleep study, pain, and more pain

Last night I had the sleep study. It was a test my PCP ordered to rule out sleep apnea before prescribing me a longer acting pain med. I slept okay though I woke up a few times because I had to sleep on my back the whole time. My back didn’t like this. Around 0230 or so, I had to take some pain meds. Then around 5, I got pissed I was still in pain so I sat up. The tech that was working with me said I could sleep on my side. OK. I fell asleep and then she woke me up while I was in REM. I had about a half hour left for the study before she disconnected me. When she came in, I asked her when results would be available. She said 2-3 weeks! WHAT???!!!! Guess it will be another month of being in pain before I see a longer acting med. Fuck!

Starbucks was across the street so I went over for breakfast and an espresso. After I ate, I walked to the station to get home. I wasn’t in too much pain. I got home okay. I took a shower to wash off the stuff they put in my hair to hold the electrodes. I felt better afterwards.I then played around on my laptop while my phone charged. Around 9ish I was getting sleepy so decided to take a nap. All I did was lie down for a few lousy minutes when my ankle bone went nuts. Totally got severe pain. I popped my strong pain med once I was able to sit up. Even then the pain was not letting up. I still had a couple hours before I was to leave for PT. I emailed my PT on what to do. I waited an hour and a half for a response. When the pain got worse while I called my stupid neuro, I cancelled the appt. I couldn’t bear weight and the thought of waiting for the bus didn’t appeal to me.

The neuro had emailed me on Monday night to tell me his office staff was to fax over the new med he wants me on. Nothing was at the pharmacy all day yesterday or today so I called the office. He never printed out the stupid prescription. The secretary said she would print it out and leave it on his desk to sign tomorrow, when he is in. Fucking great. Bastard. I really don’t know why there is such an issue with this medication. I will find out when I go to the pharmacy to pick it up, probably on Friday. Maybe I should take this as a sign that I shouldn’t be on this medication.

My PT got back to me and she would like me to see her tomorrow. She doesn’t want to wait a week. I will give the office a call in the morning, provided I fricken sleep. She doesn’t have any openings on Friday. She said she doesn’t want me to come in if I can’t walk and also would like me to see if I can find an alternative transportation to come to the appts. There is a service that public transportation provides called The Ride. I just don’t know if I can afford it as Some months I don’t have extra cash. I need to find out how it works as I am not sure how it is paid. My sister was going to set it up for my mother so got some information on it. I guess it’s like $4-$6 per trip, but I don’t know if that is round trip or one way. I honestly don’t like to be in cars where strangers drive. Only exception is a taxi and I can’t afford that going intercity. It would be way too expensive. I don’t trust Uber as I keep hearing bad things about them. I also don’t like being stuck in traffic with a stranger. A bus is different as I can just listen to my music and not interact at all. I don’t know. There is no harm looking into it so I will go on the website later and see what I can find out.

My ankle is still hurting me like crazy. I am getting around okay, better than I was this morning when I was home. I used the walking boot for most of the day whenever I had to go downstairs. But unfortunately, a stupid delivery guy rang our bell so I had to go downstairs as my mother couldn’t. It wasn’t even for us, but for my niece. I was pissed. I got the mail though. Then I had to explain three times who was at the door. OMG my mother is deaf. She just either doesn’t hear you or just cannot understand what you are saying unless you spell it out. Drives me fucking crazy.

My brother in law tried to shut off my radiator yesterday before I left for the sleep study. Unfortunately it is still fricken on. I had turned the heat up as my mother was cold. I got back to my room and it was an oven, even with the damn window open. And I swear, if ONE more person tells me to open the window, I am going to jump out it to prove it is open! It has been open the last few weeks and it hasn’t done a bit of difference.