more thoughts on my blog

More thoughts on my blog

A reader emailed me and I thought about what she said. This is my blog and last time I checked, calling someone stupid wasn’t breaking any laws. So on this note, I have decided to keep my blog open, not password protected. If that monitor person wants to continue reading my blog, there is nothing I can do to stop them. I do know that my stats seem to go up when I post so even if I don’t know who you are, I know you are reading.

I’ve had a horrible day so far. My middle sister has been cleaning my mother’s room. When I got out of my room to take a shower, she said that I had to go through my stuff so she can move her things there. I also had to move the stuff in the living room so she can also move her stuff there. I took my shower and found that the shampoo bottle that had a pump on it, she threw away because the bottle was empty. I was so fucking pissed. I called her an asshole and she got pissed. I don’t care. I am tired of her thinking she is the only person living here and has to make the house the way she wants it to be. I got really suicidal after our exchange. She just doesn’t realize how upset she gets me, like I don’t matter at all. Yesterday she left crap on the stairs, which made it hard for me to go down. I really don’t want to fucking fall and she doesn’t get that my balance is off. She also placed a bin right at the bottom of the stairway, which I kicked out of the way. I got so mad. I texted her, in a neutral way, and got no response. I have no idea if she has blocked me or what but every text I send her, she doesn’t respond to anymore. I sick of her shit. I emailed my psych to let her know what was going on. After the disaster of a family meeting via phone, I really don’t know how to get through to the dumbass. Yet she has the audacity of calling me selfish. Such a projection.

After my shower, I made something to eat. My foot started bothering me but I still did what I had to do. By the time I made it back to my room, it flared up big time. My foot and ankle are competing as to who is going to hurt more. I so want to nap as I have been up since 0630 but I really don’t want to. Will be hard to anyway as there is so much light in my room due to my window being open. I have a hard time sleeping when there is light in my room.

Never had a nap. Just had dinner with my mother. I made hot dogs and beans. My foot wants to fucking kill me. I hate it when simple things cause me pain. You think I was walking miles. Speaking of walking, I really need to get my AFO (ankle foot orthotic) adjusted as my foot keeps slipping. I think I have a bit of atrophy plus with the weight loss, I don’t think it is fitting right. I hate that I gained about 10 pounds while in the hospital, mostly because I was eating three meals a day, but they were huge dishes. I tried to eat a salad with chicken or just a turkey sandwich but it wasn’t always possible because I would forget to fill out the menu for the next day. Sometimes I would skip breakfast as they served eggs at least every other day and I don’t like them. I rather make it. I am just picky like that. The rest of the days they had French toast, which wasn’t bad but it was filling. Since being home, I have been having much smaller meals at least twice a day. Yesterday I just had steak and then a protein bar because I was in too much pain to go downstairs to make something. I forgot how painful stairs were.

I got to fill my med boxes for the week. The doc in the hosp increased the Lamictal and I think it has finally improved my mood somewhat. I kind of feel like what I was before I was in the pit of doom. I am just more tired and on a “day” schedule. I went to bed early, or tried to before pain kept me up till at least 1 am. Then I woke up around 630, only because I had to pee. I am glad I woke up because I leaked. Both my pjs and underwear were wet as I didn’t wear a diaper. I bought a much comfortable brief style while in the hospital because they didn’t have a good kind. I should have brought my own but didn’t think I needed them. Now I know better.

Neil Gaiman’s Good Omens came out the end of May. I got it free because I am an Amazon Prime member. I downloaded the episodes to my Kindle, but I still haven’t watched it yet. I keep meaning to but pain has been a chief distracter. Usually watching a movie or something helps but I don’t have the attention span lately. I can watch short videos and then I get bored if it is more than 10 minutes. I think the only thing I can watch for longer is the Rachel Maddow show. I haven’t watched it in a long while because it was just annoying me. She seems to say the same thing in three different ways over and over. Then she goes on only to come back to the original question or point. I had to take a break and haven’t watched since. Maybe I will watch one episode of Good Omens later tonight, if my pain doesn’t get worse after I do my med boxes.

any thoughts?

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