hurting and tired of hurting

Hurting and tired of hurting

I had therapy today and the therapist wanted me to justify seeing her. I told her my reasons and she agreed with them. We talked about feeling vulnerable as I did last session. Told her I felt small and insignificant. It has been a long time since I felt that way with someone. I don’t know if I can trust her or not to stay. I am scared I will tell her my secrets and then she will leave. We are in limbo seeing as I don’t know how long my recovery is from surgery and what to do about it. I told her my insurance does cover telehealth so she is going to look into it again for me.

After therapy I went food shopping thinking I would be able to handle it. Nope. My legs and ankle hate me right now. I also have a UTI cooking so that is fun. I feel like shit. I got no answers from the urologist about whether or not she is going to treat it. She just wants me to repeat the culture in 2 days. So before my appointment with the therapist on Thurs I will go to the lab to drop off a specimen. I have to remember to bring a cup with me so I just drop it off and not have to sign in or anything.

I spent today sleeping, which is just as well as I needed to sleep. My legs are still sore as hell. My heart feels like it is being stabbed a thousand times. I need a shower but I also need to decide if I am going to shave or not. I am tempted to get my haircut this week rather than next but I know it will grow out by next week so best to wait. But it is killing me as my hair is too long. I can’t do anything with it because it’s out of style. Driving me crazy. I want the short spike look next. I miss spikey hair. The long spike is too long. I will try and shower tomorrow. I need to go out anyways. I need to get some eggs and tortilla wraps so I can make my breakfast burritos.

My foot is already flaring up and I didn’t do much today. I made something to eat and I guess that is my punishment. God forbid I should eat something. I am starting to feel really depressed that this pain is back again after I was mostly not in super pain for most of the day. I hope it doesn’t keep me up. I am going to go lay down again. I just am so damn tired today.

any thoughts?

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