2 am thoughts

2 am thoughts

I woke up about an hour ago because my bladder said to. I had a difficult time trying to go back so I decided to write. Laptop was doing updates so I had to wait a bit for it to finish before the thing could start. I got a message from my neurosurgeon for me to callback in the morning. I forgot what I sent them so I had to look in the sent messages. You can only look at these messages on the web not through the app. I had asked the surgeon if he would look at the disc that I am concerned about while I am under anesthesia to make sure I won’t have problems in the future with it.

I was looking over my last blog so I didn’t repeat anything here but things are on my mind. I think I do have a UTI as I am getting pain on urination with the catheter. After I void, it stings and is sore. I don’t know if I am not inserting it gently enough or what, you need to put some pressure in order to put it in. I will try to be gentler next time, which will be in a few hours. My body seems to want to expel urine every 4-5 hours. Sometimes the void urge is strong and I am able to go but sometimes it isn’t and I have to cath. Sometimes if I sit and wait eventually I go but this is after like 5-10 minutes of waiting to see if my bladder will go on its own. Just when I think I will have to cath, it goes. So frustrating. I never thought I would be this disabled before. I knew it was a chance with my discs being the way they are but I didn’t think it would happen due to a tethered cord.

Ankle is hurting a bit more than it did the last few hours. I hate when I wake up in a 5-7 level of pain. It makes me want to stay in bed but I got some things to do today so I need to try and do them even though I know it will be hard. I need to get eggs and tortilla wraps. Also need cling wrap and I want fricken Oreos dammit. I love the golden ones better than the chocolate ones but the thins are the best! It has the right amount of cookie and filling. I might get both if they are on sale. Depends on how much the eggs are as I need at least a 2 dozen. I want to make 12 burritos so I need 2 dozen as you need 2 eggs per burrito. Otherwise, you don’t yield as much eggs when you go along. I know because I have done this before. I tried 6 last time on 8 eggs and it didn’t get me very far. I was able to stretch it to 5 but the eggs were not as much as the first. I have trouble judging how much to put in each burrito when there isn’t that much egg. Hopefully using two dozen eggs (at different times) I will yield good egg results and the last burrito won’t be skimpy of eggs.

Next week I got to take off my jewelry. I am going to have my watch in my bag so that I have it. I need my watch as it has a way of centering me. I don’t know if that is the right word. I just feel better with the watch then without. I don’t feel as lost. I want to have my bathroom stuff with me, like catheters and deodorants and what not. I can’t use them day of surgery though. I am going to be catharized during the surgery. I just hope I don’t poop. That is a fear I have which is why I am trying to empty my bowels now rather than later. The new bladder med seems to increase the constipation so I am holding off on taking it until my bowel movements are better. I have been taking Miralax to go but stuff has not been working the way it should and I fear I am going to have colon blow soon. I might have to take a Dulcolax day before surgery so I know I will go as I want my bowels to be as empty as possible. The stuff they give you always causes constipation so I don’t want to be super backed up like I am now. I hate that I will have normal BMs and then nothing for days. I never know what I am doing different that causes this. I am taking almost 2,000 mg of magnesium to try and go along with the Senna and Miralax. The uro NP wants me to talk to my PCP about this to see if there is something else I can do to go but I really don’t want to. I know there is a drug you can take for opioid constipation but that isn’t the only thing backing me up. It is the anticholinergic meds I am taking that is causing this to happen. Plus whatever is going on neurologically isn’t helping my bowels either. So there isn’t just one factor in all of this.

I need to pack my bag of what I will need while in the hosp. It won’t be that many clothes as I will be wearing a hospital gown through most of the stay. I won’t wear underwear again until the catheter is out and I am catharizing on my own. I just want to make sure I have enough underwear with me in case of accidents. I don’t know where the scar will be so I might not be able to wear underwear for a while until the scar heals. I will find out after surgery how things will be. I know that I will be lying flat for 24 hours post op and then I will need to be raised slowly so I don’t get a spinal headache or a tear in the spinal area. Last thing I want is to leak spinal fluid. That would not be good!

Getting sleepy so I think I will go back to sleep now. Writing always helps to calm me down.