Day 8 Post OP
I am still feeling sluggish and my back keeps cramping up on me. I am just going to take it easy today. I thought I would have my stitches out but the secretary called and said it was too soon. I will have it out next week. I don’t know if my surgeon will do it or the NP that works for the office. I will be glad to have them out so I can shower again. I was looking forward to it this afternoon but now I got to wait till next week. I got to wash my hair as it is grimy. I am glad it is short so it doesn’t feel dirty as fast. Also doesn’t smell. I will try and wash my hair later this afternoon. Back is hurting me too much right now after I brushed my teeth. I hate that I have a limited number of spoons a day to do things.
I want to get a new electric razor, a different style than the one I have. I found one that is wet/dry but it is $80. I can’t afford that right now so I will get it next month. I might have to budget for two months. Depends on how my finances go when I get paid next.
Most of the day I’ve been in a gender dysphoric mood. I kept thinking about if only one of my doctors or therapists had asked me about how I felt about being female if things would have changed. I dressed as a male all the time so I don’t understand why they didn’t ask. I remember when I got diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome and had to go on the pill to treat it. I was terrified of what the hormone was going to do to me. I remember asking the psychiatrist and she laughed at me like it was the funniest thing ever. I hated taking such a female thing. I was highly suicidal at the time. Having this diagnosis only made me want to kill myself more. What is really getting me dysphoric today as well is that during surgery, my breast was positioned improperly so was bruised. Every movement I make with my arm, my boob hurts. Pain is driving me crazy because there is nothing I can do about it. I have always wondered if things would have been different had someone asked me about being female. I have always thought I am a male but the incongruency comes with my body being different than how I think and feel.
Back has been smarting all day. It has been spasming most of the day which has caused me severe pain in my lower back. I am taking a muscle relaxer every eight hours as they had prescribed me this while in the hospital. I am prescribed this at home as well so I didn’t have to go to the pharmacy for any of my meds. I told them I didn’t want them prescribing my pain medication because last time they screwed up the timing. I no longer get both medications at the same time, which sucks.