A Cold Sunday

A Cold Sunday

I woke up freezing. I had to shut off the ceiling fan as it was below 50 degrees out. I am still cold but I am under blanket and I just put on a long sleeved T-shirt. I am listening to Martina McBride’s Where would you be. I love the vocals in this song. She has such fantastic vocals. It amazes me.

I have been feeling down all day. I feel tired and sluggish. I haven’t eaten much and lost a few pounds. I think I am in a depression again. I just don’t feel like doing anything. My mood is so low. I just want to stay under the covers. I feel so useless.

Friday I had PT. It drained me. I still haven’t recovered from the exercises and fatigue. I hope it gets better with time. I am supposed to make more appointments with her as I have just one left. I will probably get a call tomorrow. I got to call the pain psychologist for an appointment, too. I will do that in the morning. I have therapy in the afternoon. I want to go to Starbucks. I think I earned a trip for a treat. I also need to put money on my Tpass. I got a lot of things to do this week. Weather is supposed to be in the 50s all week. I think it is almost time to take the AC out of the window.

I had coffee today but it didn’t keep me awake. I took a brief nap after I drank it. I was still tired after the nap. I have been struggling to stay awake. My back has been bothering me for most of the day which just wants to make me stay put. I don’t want to move too much because it hurts.

I got sort of suicidal the other night. I thought about ending it again. I don’t know what is keeping me from acting on my plan. I could take some of what I have to sleep for more than 4 hours at a time. I have been having such a difficult time sleeping lately. I keep waking up either from weird dreams or I have to pee. It is so frustrating because I try not to drink too much after I take my night time meds but I get thirsty and so I drink. Even if I use the bathroom before I go to sleep, I am still up around 4ish needing to go.

I got a pretty sunset of the Boston skyline that my friend took. I got it as my zoom background now. I have been saving pics for zoom. I have been bored with the ones that are given so I like that I can choose different ones.

any thoughts?

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