depressed and not eating

Depressed and not eating

I haven’t had anything solid to eat since Wed. I just have no appetite. I have been drinking Ensure and Powerade so at least I am hydrated. I might make some ramen noodles after this blog. Least it will be something.

I had an appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday. He wants me to go to a partial hospital program as he want to “nip this in the bud”. Idiot. I am already depressed. I don’t know if I am going to go or not. I will discuss it with my therapist Mon. I know she will be for it. I just don’t want to get up in the morning because I am not a morning person and it is difficult to take stuff in when I am not that awake. It will be virtual so I don’t have to leave my house but still. Rolling out of bed to turn the laptop on to attend a group doesn’t sound like fun. I am getting pissed off that he hasn’t given much thought to a citalopram increase and just wants to increase the stupid Latuda. I got to go to the pharmacy to pick it up. Just seems dumb to me that he is banking on an antipsychotic for mood benefit. If it hasn’t changed my mood and I am getting more depressed, it isn’t working for me. I don’t understand why he won’t increase the SSRI. Just annoys me.

I haven’t done my check in for the day. I will later. I usually try to do it around 1500 but today has been an off day. I slept late and didn’t go to my PT appointment. I overslept. It was early this morning and I just couldn’t get out of bed. My legs have been killing me for most of the day. I think I did too much yesterday when I went for my haircut and then went grocery shopping. I bought cheese for the house. My mother didn’t like what I spent for the parmesan but we haven’t had it in a while since we ran out so I wasn’t going to wait for a sale like she does.

I am tired today. I have little energy. I feel down and can’t really concentrate at times. My neck has been feeling tense this past week and hurts. I had a difficult time sleeping. I keep waking up in pain. My arm and shoulder hurt. I haven’t been able to find a comfortable position to sleep in. I usually sleep on my right side but lately that has been causing me pain in my left shoulder. I don’t know why but I keep waking up with it hurting. My neck muscles feel like they are pulling and I can’t get them to calm down. I’ve tried heat and meds and nothing has worked. I think I need a massage. Only problem is I don’t have the money for it. It is always expensive. Maybe I can with Christmas money. We’ll see.

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