Sunday full of pain
I am still in a flare. I have been in pain all day. My foot/ankle have been hurting non stop. I went out briefly to get my prescription as I was running low on my medication. I am glad my insurance filled it before the end of the month because I am not sure how I am going to pay for it next month. After Jan 1st I will have to pay for my meds again until my deductible is reached. My shoulder has also been bothering me today.
I called my mother. She seemed like she was in good spirits despite being in the hospital. We don’t know what else is going on because the doctor never calls us like they should. My sister is getting so frustrated by this. Her appetite is back so I am glad to hear that. She said she was eating crackers when I called. The steroids they have her on must be doing their job but is wreaking havoc with her blood sugars.
I have group therapy tomorrow but I start my new schedule of only going to three groups a day instead of five. This is because I have appointments and we don’t want to mess with the insurance because I am skipping a day. I attend three days a week. This is a relief to me because going five days was really starting to get on my nerves. I am finding the program helpful as it gives me structure but that is all it is doing for me. I am not feeling like it is helping in any other way.
I have been having a down day because of the amount of pain that I am in. I really haven’t been in a flare this long before in a while. Pain is like a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the worst. It has been like this for days. I hate that I have been in so much pain and there not much I can do about it. Because I can’t do anything about it, it has made me feel suicidal at times. I feel trapped by the pain and want to escape. I posted on facebook that I felt like everyone would be better off without me and that is still how I feel.
My therapist is on vacation this week. I won’t be texting her like I have been because I am not sure she will respond. I am glad I don’t have to text her because she is away. I am also glad to have this break. I am tired. I hope I can sleep through the night but that may not be possible because of the amount of pain that I am in. I wanted to take a nap earlier today but I didn’t. I’ve been up since 9am. But I had broken sleep throughout the night. I don’t know why I keep waking up so damn early. It sucks.