Category: chronic physical pain

Tired of pain taking away things I love

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, disability, mental illness, mood disorders, painsomnia, physical pain

Yesterday, I had a bad flare. I tried writing but after around 100 words, I was exhausted and couldn’t continue. I had therapy yesterday and for some reason my legs were really sore so walking was difficult. I thought it would get better as the day went on and I did my things but it only wore me out with each step I took.

I was in agony most of the night. I didn’t get to sleep till 4am. I kind of lost track of time as I was trying to find a tea kettle. I had made a cup of tea and the kettle we have is all rusted on the bottom, making things taste different. I told my mother and she refused to change the kettle and there is no way of getting the rust out.

I made coffee using spring water and saucepan. Coffee came out perfect. Then we had a t storm and I got a migraine with severe nausea. I still feel sick to my stomach. I didn’t think I was going to write today as I really am tired. I don’t know if my writing means anything to anyone. I’ve just been writing for me, because I like doing it. But after yesterday, it was the first time in over a year and a half that I didn’t write. I thought I might be able to write later but then it was after midnight so I just posted the pic of the pup. I might do that on days I am not up to writing more than a paragraph.

My writing means a lot to me. I have been pushing through tough days because I didn’t want to give in to chronic pain. Yesterday was the worst in a very long time. I usually am able to write how bad things are and yesterday, words just couldn’t come to me. I kept staring at the screen cursor wondering what to write next. My head just was filled with blankness.

Today was a little better. I slept most of the day, despite my med alarm going off to remind me to take my pain meds. It is really hot in my room though the temps have cooled off. I want to open the window but I still haven’t put in the screen. Maybe I will have my bro in law put in the AC and the screen. It kind of early but at least when it is humid, I can cool my room down. I cannot tolerate heat. As hot as it is in my room I have to keep my sheet covering my foot because the ceiling fan air hurts me.

If you are a daily reader, please like or comment if you can. I’d like to get an idea of who is reading. My stats aren’t really a good indication. Thanks and I am sorry for not posting yesterday.

Mother’s Day 2018

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Mother’s Day 2018

I’ve had a pretty good day, so far. Last night I was in a lot of pain and was not sure I would be able to have dinner with my family at a restaurant. I woke up feeling okay but my ankle became sore after walking on it for a little bit. I gave my mother her gag gift and she laughed.

The restaurant was pretty cool. It was Chinese food. It was pretty good. I had tonic water as I didn’t feel like having soda. My nephew came with us and he enjoyed what he had. He ordered Pad Thai. I had a bite and it was good but not as good as the one in Boston that I had the other day. He said we should go there and then to a Sox game. I said that sounds like a good idea. I ended up driving home with him. I was familiar with the area so it was easy to get home. I had to tell him the exit to get off. I thought he would know but he didn’t. He is still learning.

As soon as I was out of the boot, my foot acting up. My ankle is so blaring right now. I had went to the pharmacy to fill my meds. I did better today in recording when I take my meds. Yesterday I was not so good.

beautiful crazy

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Beautiful Crazy

I follow Luke Combs on twitter since I fell in love with his song, Hurricane. He recently released a new song, Beautiful Crazy, which I absolutely love so much. It reminds me of my friend in Canada that I have known for the past 17 years. We are pretty close and talk nearly every day via Messenger or through other social media. We sometimes text but I do it rarely as I know it costs us money to send messages. I love her so much and she does drive me crazy in a beautiful way.

I’ve been in pain since 1430. I made coffee and some toast then as I was walking back to my room, stupid thing flared up. The coffee made me tired so I tried to nap and my ankle bone screamed. I should have made a cup of tea. But I wanted iced coffee so bad.

The Sox game just ended. They won 5-2. The Red Sox twitter account posted a tweet about Benny and the Betts after Benintendi scored Betts. I loved it. Benny is my boyfriend, lol. So is Vazquez. I really love them.

My mother dropped something in the kitchen and I sprinted down the stairs to see if she was okay. She was. As I was walking back to the stairs, my ankle gave out. I am in a lot of pain right now. Fuck. Had to take my strong pain pill for the second time today. Might have to take some magnesium as my shin muscles feel like they are going to cramp soon. I hate being in a flare. I am supposed to be going out with my family tomorrow as it’s Mother’s Day. I got my mother a gag gift. Duct tape. HAHA I got it for her because she has been asking me what I did with it. I have no idea so I got her a new one. HAHA. Hope she laughs. I also hope I am not in pain all damn night like I was last night.

a day where nothing went as planned

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

A day where nothing went as planned

I had Painsomnia last night. I think I fell asleep around 2 only to wake up around 4 because I was in pain again. I had shut off my ringer so any notifications wouldn’t disturb me. I missed taking my BP pill because I woke up around 1030. I was feeling okay and thought about canceling the Zipcar for the afternoon. I had breakfast and then came back to my room. I was still tired so laid down. PAIN! Guess I am not canceling the car to do my one errand.

I just stayed in bed until it was time to get dressed. My mother called me twice but I didn’t answer. I decided to wear my new sneakers as there wasn’t a lot of walking I would be doing. So I thought. I got dressed and put the sneakers on. They were tight because they were new. I couldn’t get the tongue centered to properly lace the sneaker. I gave up and left. I walked with my sweatshirt and jeans on because I thought it was cold out. It was anything but. By the time I reached the end of my block, I had to take off the sweatshirt. I got to the place where the car was supposed to be but all three zipcar spots were empty. I asked the guy if I had the right address and I did. I called Zipcar and the driver was stuck in traffic. It would be a half hour or so before he would be able to return the car. I told them to cancel the reservation. A bus was coming and even though I didn’t have my headphones, I would go into town.

The bus was a half hour late. The trains were packed. I was hurting as the sneakers were new and I wasn’t with a cane or wearing my AFO. I was getting annoyed. I decided when I got to my train stop, I was going to order Thai food. I did that and did my errand. My ankle is not happy. I was sweating by the time I was done. I stopped at CVS to get a bottle of water as I was so thirsty. I didn’t have time to get an iced coffee like I wanted.

Because the buses were late, I was able to catch the bus home. I was sweating so bad I had to shower after I ate. I couldn’t stand it. It was cold in the house because my mother didn’t open the doors or windows despite it being hot out. My ankle flared up after the shower. I tried to ignore it but lately, that hasn’t been helping me. I wanted to make a cup of tea but I knew if I did, it might wake me up and I wouldn’t sleep. Course, I might not sleep anyway due to pain.

My mother wants to go to a buffet style restaurant for Mother’s day which is this Sunday. My sisters had made reservations at another restaurant so they had to change it. I hope pain doesn’t prevent me from going.