Category: chronic physical pain

A cup of tea with a little bit (ok a lot) of pain

I was supposed to go see my aunt today with my sisters but I hardly got any sleep last night and my pain was off the scale when I got up. I have no idea if it rained but it was cloudy most of the day. The temps have cooled off and I wish I could open my window. I hope to get my screen tomorrow after therapy.

I haven’t been that hungry today. I had a turkey roll up with chipotle mayo. I liked it but my stomach didn’t. I had my cake and other than a couple pieces of cornbread with my tea, that has been it. I will try to have a bowl of cereal later.

My sister called me and was telling me about the family history. Then she told me my cousin, who is as much a Sox fan as I am, was upset that I haven’t texted him all season about the game. HAHA I texted him and gave him the update. He thought I watched the game, but I don’t. I usually listen on the radio or just follow the chatter on twitter. We talked for a bit. I miss seeing him. I wish I had a car and can see them whenever I wanted but I don’t.

Last night after I put on diclofenac gel on my foot and ankle to try and calm it down so I could sleep, I tried to install the drivers to my laptop. Something wonky happened and the laptop restarted. I just shut it off and went to sleep. I tried again before writing and was able to load them without calling support! That is the first time. I am glad I somewhat remembered how to do it on the POS. Think I am going to rename that laptop POS and call this one Milo. Only seems fitting.

I need to make some time for reading. I haven’t been able to finish a book since February. I am about halfway through 1984. I don’t remember the last time I picked it up. Think I will after I finish this blog. I can usually read a few chapters at a time. I just bought a book about chronic pain that a blog reader recommended. I want to finish 1984 so I could start it. I don’t know if I will get back into Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman. It is a weird book. I found out that his genre is fantasy fiction. Never even knew it had a name. I follow him on twitter. He is a good guy. I want to be a quarter of the writer he is, but with dealing with chronic pain, writing has been so hard. Some days I don’t want to write this blog but I force myself to. If I get at least 300 words written, I call it a success. Some days I can write a longer blog but I try to write at least 500 words a day. I don’t know why I have that goal in mind and it would kill me to accomplish it but some days my concentration just isn’t there. Maybe if my pain is better controlled and I can sit at Starbucks for a few hours, I can get some writing done. The POS will be good to take with me and I don’t have to have it connected to the internet. I will turn off the wifi so I am not distracted. My phone will be the other obstacle but one thing at a time. Going to Starbucks on days I don’t have appts will be huge. I don’t have any appointments this week other than with my therapist tomorrow. I do want to make the morning glory muffins again. Those were yummy. So balancing my time this week will be huge. I have the time to read. Just hope I can do it.

Why do I bother

I had a hard time sleeping due to pain. When it sort of settled down after I wrote my 3 am blog, I was hungry. I didn’t dare go downstairs to get something to eat for fear of flaring it up again. I finally fell asleep some time around 4 and woke up four hours later. I took my blood pressure pill and pain meds as my ankle was killing me. Then my alarm went off. I had time to shower. It was painful but I did it. It was still muggy in the house. Despite cooling off some, I was sweating by the time I went back up to my room.

I tried to cool off but there was no point. I didn’t have AC, just the ceiling fan blowing hot air. I got dressed and then left for the bus stop. It was cloudy and when I got to Starbucks, it had started to drizzle. I was hoping it would cool things off but it didn’t. When I was done at Starbucks, the sun was shining. I went to CVS to get my mother a card for Mother’s Day and some tape that she wants. I had already bought her a few things. The tape is kind of a gag gift.

I went into town and got new glasses. The guy said it would be three weeks for them to come in. Great. I am already struggling to read as it is. What is another three weeks. I was early for my pain doc appointment. I went to the lobby of the building and just wrote in my journal. I was nervous about my appointment. I went upstairs 15 minutes before. I was called in by the medical assistant to do vital signs. My blood pressure was a little high. Then a new fellow came in and I had to tell him my story again. He went to get the attending and it was a long time I had to wait. Finally they both came in and the attending said that he decided to put me on a different pain med regimen and he emailed my PCP about it. So he will decide either yes or no. I have no way of knowing if it is a no because I wasn’t in the email. I am once again out of the loop while these doctors decide what is in my interest. I have to wait, again, for their decision. I was not happy. The med is something that I told him shuts off my bladder but he said that only happens with patients with neurogenic bladder. I told him I HAVE neurogenic bladder but I was dismissed. Okay, when I am in the ER because I can’t pee, I guess they will switch me to something else and take four months to decide what to put me on while I suffer.

I was too annoyed to email my psychiatrist to let her know how the appt went. I went to Chipotle when I got to the Square and timed it right to catch the bus home. I was sweating so bad. I ate my burrito while my mother was talking about her bills and the amount she has to pay. I could care less. My sneakers had arrived and my new pajamas pants. I will get them washed. I am still waiting for the shorts. They will arrive Monday. After I ate, I felt a little better. I was less grumpy. I emailed my psych telling her I felt like a pinball and that nothing new happened other than I need to wait, again. She asked what had happened so I told her.

I got really sleepy after I put in the new shoelace thingy for my sneakers. It took me a while to figure out how it was supposed to be. The diagram was not the best. It kind of made the sneaker tight but it should loosen, I hope. I kept the laces just in case I don’t like it. I don’t know if I can put my AFO in the sneaker with these thingys. I will find out on Monday.