Category: CRPS

another day of recovering from surgery

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, CRPS, depression

Another day recovering from surgery

I wanted to go to Starbucks today but after I had my coffee and started coloring, I felt weak and tired. It is over 90 degrees so I decided to treat myself to Starbucks rather than go out to get it. Only when it was delivered I realized I forgot to order a pumpkin scone. They already have their fall items out. The scone is my favorite along with their pumpkin bread. I am hoping tomorrow is cooler so I can go out, even if it is a walk around the block. I just realized I forgot to mail my ballot so will need to go to the post office tomorrow.

I have a wedding to go to next Saturday so I booked an appointment with my barber for next Friday. Mid-morning appointments tend to go fast so I am glad I booked in advance. I ordered a new shirt, belt, and tie for the wedding. I have a pair of dress pants that I will just throw in the wash. I just don’t know what I will do about my catheters. I don’t have a small bag that is stylish enough for a wedding. I hope by next week I am back to wearing boxers and not pads. I am still having discharge but it is getting less with each passing day.

I had to look up some appointments as they are not in my calendar. I came across the notes from my surgeon for Monday. In the notes was the path report for my reproductive system. Apparently I had endometriosis. I wonder if that was why I was having cramps nearly every month since being on testosterone. I feel better that it could be that rather than my bladder. I am still having cramps and pain but it is much more mild than it was yesterday. The real pain that I have is my thigh. I don’t know why I am having so much pain there. I haven’t done anything that would cause it. I might take some gabapentin if it continues as I am sure it is nerve pain. I wish there was a stretch I could do to stretch it out some but with my lower leg being not as mobile as my right it is difficult to do it.

I see my psychiatrist next week. Feels like ages since I last saw him. I have been in contact with him with the patient message system. He has been responsive. He is a good guy. My psych thinks highly of him. She hasn’t been my psych for almost three years now but I have known her for thirty years so I still call her my psych. I don’t think that will ever change. I still keep in touch with her, more than I write to my psychiatrist. I have never met him in person because of Covid so I don’t really know what he is like. I think telehealth is something that is going to happen for some time and I don’t think is going to change in the near future.

Sox had an ugly loss last night. Pitching fell apart as usual. At this rate playoffs seem hopeless. There is a month of playing left and if the pitching doesn’t improve it doesn’t look like they will be playing in Oct.

Sunday Blog 22082021

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, blogging, CRPS, depression, FTM, mood disorders, PTSD, writing

Sunday Blog 22082021

Post op day 4 hysterectomy

I got some good sleep finally. I feel really good. I am not in as much pain as I was in yesterday. I made sure to empty my bladder throughout the night and that helped. I am cathing every four hours to make sure I am empty completely. It hurts to void so that is why I am cathing. My genital area is sore but that is to be expected and the vaginal entrance is a little swollen. I noticed some clear discharge that is not mentioned at all with the post op stuff so I hope it is nothing to be worried about. I sent my surgeon a message anyway to ask if it is a concern or not.

Only thing I am planning on doing today is reading my MLB book. I started reading it last night as I couldn’t sleep. I read for about an hour and it helped to relax. I wanted to finish the chapter but it was too long. It was covering the two decades of 1900 and 1910. A lot of interesting baseball stuff happened during those years. I am having my doubts about being able to write a book about the history of team names. There is a lot of cross over between the leagues and some cities stays and it just gets confusing because things changed year to year, season to season.

I also plan on watching DS9. I can only watch so much TV before I get bored so if I watch two episodes, I will call that a win. Because of Tropical Storm Henri, baseball has been canceled for today in the New England area. We already had a tremendous thunderstorm and heavy rain. It is supposed to continue until tomorrow. I just hope nothing floods.

I am trying to fight off a nap right now. I am so tired from just having a cup of coffee and some breakfast. I know I am tired from post op. That is a given. It just comes on so suddenly that it is overwhelming sometimes. I am not having a lot of pain today. I made sure I took my pain meds during the night as I had my med alarm set to go off. I still only slept every three hours or so because I had to empty my bladder. My bladder seems to have its own schedule. I am glad I cath. It makes me feel like a man because I am standing while peeing.

I have been in the mood to write something profound but words are escaping me. I want to write a letter to my therapist about my trauma, just talking about one aspect of it and see where it leads me. I have so much emotion pent up in me right now that I think writing about it might help. I might post it on my blog if it isn’t too graphic in detail. I think writing about my cousin’s molestations might be helpful for me. I have been having intrusive memories about it the past few days. The one thing about anesthesia that I had is it brings things to the surface that you are trying to keep undercover. But with trauma there is always something under the surface. Anything that has to do with my genitals is a trigger for my sexual abuse to be in the forefront of my mind, even if I am not conscious of it.

post op day 1 hysterectomy

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, CRPS, depression, FTM

Post op day 1 hysterectomy

I am doing well. I am eating and drinking ok. My pain is manageable. I have more cramps than pain and more sore. I can sit up for a little bit before it gets too uncomfortable. I have been keeping a schedule with my meds and bladder. I seem to have to go every three hours or so until it becomes really painful. I am bleeding still so still wearing pads. I was wearing the underwear they gave me in the hospital and it didn’t hold the pad well so leaked onto my shorts. I had to change them in the middle of the night. I was up literally every three hours even without drinking a lot, just sleeping. The ibuprofen worked really good for the cramps. I got another order of it that my sister is picking up. They gave me Tylenol too but I have it so don’t need it. For some reason someone ordered citalopram so I had to call the pharmacy to cancel that order as I am not on it anymore.

I texted and emailed my friends. I also posted on social media. I was thinking of showering today but I don’t think I am up for it. I might just wash myself as I am pretty bloody and it is interfering with cathing. I don’t want a UTI. I have a little sore throat from the breathing tube they put in. Also have phlegm. It has been hard to cough it up because it hurts. I texted my therapist and said I will be in touch when I want to see her. Sitting has been a problem and then I need to lie down.

I took off the tegaderm bandages on my cuts. Taking it off hurt more than the incision. I have four incisions on my belly. They shaved me which I was not surprised. I was really hairy. I don’t feel bloated so I guess the gas has come out of me or I just am not aware of it because of the pain meds. I have been walking around the house so I think that has helped.

I need to lay down again so I will stop here but I just wanted to give a quick update on how I was doing. Thanks all for your support through this.

nervous and just waiting

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Nervous and just waiting

I got everything sorted out as much as I can. I think I will get up at 6 tomorrow so I can shower and take my meds. T shot has been given. It was a little bloody but it got done. I hate when I hit a vein. I am so nervous about tomorrow. I treated myself to a chicken, ziti, and broccoli dish and was only able to eat half of it. I haven’t eaten anything else. Nerves are too much. I might have an Ensure with my night meds as last night I took it on an empty stomach and felt sick. I am supposed to have at least 350 cals with the Latuda. Usually I have a big meal around 4-5 but I wasn’t hungry yesterday. I can’t eat anything after 10pm and then can only drink clear liquids until 830a tomorrow.

I had my last PT session today. She gave me some tips for after surgery. I really am going to miss her. She encouraged me to get PT after surgery once I am able to. She left it up to me as my doc said I didn’t need it. I can always get the order from my PCP. I picked up a thank you card when I was at the pharmacy to pick up my psych meds. It was the last of the meds I needed for the month. Everything else is all set.

I keep doing little things as I think of them. Like making sure I have a bag of Gatorade by the bed. It might be hard to bend down so I am going to put some on a shelf by the bed so I just have to reach for them. I haven’t moved the basket out of the way yet. I will in a little while. I am so fucking nervous and I am trying to calm down. Sox had a double header and lost the first game. Our bullpen sucks now and I don’t know why that is. It has been months since the sticky stuff ban so they shouldn’t still be bad but they are. Also doesn’t help that when bases are loaded and no one is out, no one can get a fucking hit. They will ground into a double play or have a pop out or strike out. Kills me hearing it. I don’t watch the games because sitting up hurts my leg.

I shaved after I showered and I think I missed a spot on the back of my head. I will have to go over it the next time I go to the bathroom. I like that I have been keeping up with the shaving. I don’t know if I will after surgery. Depends on how much pain I am in standing up. I am worried about post op pain. I have enough meds so I know I will be comfortable or at least I should be comfortable. I have a friend that went through this not too long ago and she helped talk me through aftercare. I am hoping to be numb for a while.