Tag: back pain

thunderstorms, sleepless night, and pain

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Thunderstorms, sleepless night, and pain

There were storms this afternoon that started soon after I took my second nap of the day. I went to bed around 7. I didn’t plan on it but my damn ceiling fan made some scary noises and I couldn’t sleep. I put it on a lower setting and the noise stopped. I need to have my brother in law look at it. I have had it running non stop for a while so it might be on its way out.

I got a text from a friend around 3 and as I was up, I responded. We ended up talking till around 6. I made breakfast, wrote my psych an email saying I was again up all night, and then went back to sleep. Back has been hurting off and on all day. It was very humid today so I didn’t venture out. I also didn’t make coffee. I was too sleepy for it. I had called the dentist to verify that I do I have an appointment tomorrow and I do. I am not looking forward to it.

My ankle pain is still there. It woke me up for dinner. My mother made raviolis. It was good. I might have some ice cream later on. I’m still feeling really tired despite sleeping most of the day. Think I am going to sleep until it is time for my night meds and then sleep some more. Just too tired to do anything else and the storms are really hurting my back.

might be storms so back is hurting

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Might be storms so back is hurting

I can’t seem to get away from pain the last few weeks. The weather is wrecking havoc on me. There might be thunderstorms this afternoon so my back is in a tizzy. I am hurting so much it is difficult to move. And my damn ankle/foot is going berserk on me. I am so damn tired, physically and mentally of being in pain all the time. I just want to sleep but I can’t get comfortable.

I’m also getting hungry. I think I might have some granola cereal. Monday when I went to the store, I wanted to get another box but they were all out. None of the other kinds of granola looked good to me as it had raisins or blueberries. I just like oats and honey. I will order two boxes when I do my grocery shopping at the end of the month.

I had some bad dreams today. One had very bad music in my head about dying. My brain has been making up lyrics and melodies. This was the first time it was bad stuff. I don’t remember it now but it was very upsetting. I hope it goes away. I texted my ex-therapist. I really miss her. She responded saying she misses me too and that she thinks of me often. I wish we could have a coffee or something but I don’t think that would be appropriate. It really sucks that we ended. Her birthday is this coming Monday. I will text her a Happy Birthday message. I’ve been doing it for a long time.

The Red Sox had a walk off Home run by my new favorite catcher, Christian Vazquez. He is so adorable and quick to throw out base stealers. I really like him. I am glad he won the game with his homer. Otherwise, they probably would still be playing in extra innings. We are back in first because the Skankees lost. It’s only by half a game but I’ll take it. There is only two more months of regular season baseball so every win counts.

It’s supposed to be really humid today. I’m not going to like it so I’m not sure I will go out for my espresso and steak and egg wrap. That is my new favorite breakfast sandwich at Starbucks. It is so good. I like it better than the bacon sandwiches I usually get. The rewards for this week is to get a double smoke bacon sandwich, a mocha, and then a mocha frappachino. I don’t like frappuchinos. I have had this type of reward before. I just don’t feel like participating in it this week. I just like my espresso with soy milk. I still like a mocha but I have gotten used to just espresso. Less calories.

If I stay home, I will make my egg and cheese wrap with the last lavash bread that I have. I can’t believe the package only has 4 wraps. Oh well. Maybe I will order it on my next grocery list. It is pretty good. I will also make my Hawaiian coffee. It is much better than Pike. I love the hazelnut notes in it. It is as strong as Pike but with a different taste.

I ordered another book called, Fire on the Mountain. It’s a historical fiction book based on what if Harper had succeeded in the South during the American Civil War. I like reading those kind of things. I really want to re-read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, which is the last book in the series. It’s be on Twitter the past week or so because last week was the anniversary of its release. I have read it many times. It’s probably one of my favorites of the series. The book I have is hardcover and paperback. The hardcover has been on my rug for some time now. It’s kind of buried with stuff on top of it. If I dig it out, I hope it doesn’t cause an avalanche. That would suck.

I’m going to eat something and then try and sleep. Later my readers.

therapy and food shopping

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Therapy and food shopping

I woke up before my alarm went off. I brushed my teeth and used the bathroom. I thought about a shower but opted against it. I called my psych and spoke to her for a bit. She wanted to know how I was doing. I told her it varies. Right then, I was okay and kind of looking forward to therapy as I needed someone to talk to. She welcomed the idea. She then said see you Friday and I agreed to meet with her then.

My niece came by to collect her phone. My crazy cousin came with her. She was spewing the latest health bullshit. Swimming helped her friend get off all her psych meds so she is going to try it. She then listed all of the benefits. Nothing I hadn’t heard or read before. Then she started yapping away about anything and everything. All that kept going in my mind was, when are you going to fucking leave???!!! She said she had to go to the cemetery to visit her grandmother as it was her birthday. She left, my niece leaving with her. I went back upstairs to my room. I was tired but didn’t want to sleep. I got dressed and caught the next bus.

I spent most of the afternoon at Starbucks before my therapy appointment. About three minutes before he was to call me in, I wanted to bolt. I don’t know why I get that way. I didn’t leave and met with him. I didn’t know what to talk about with him. I know we talked about the hospital and then he said I was angry. I was like yea, I am because I went to get help and didn’t get it. Then he said you get that a lot don’t you. I nearly flipped on him at that point but kept my mouth shut. I didn’t say anything. Actually, I don’t think I spoke for the rest of the session. Before leaving he said we’ll be meeting next week and then he will be on vacation. Fine with me. Take the rest of the month off. I don’t care. He is so useless to me. I just see him to waste money, like I do everything else in my life. I honestly don’t know why I see him.

After therapy, I got to the square and caught the bus to a Stop and Shop that was closer to my house. It was really warm today and my back was hurting me. I had to get deli meat and of course there was a line. You couldn’t put in an order and continue shopping. The number was 137 and I had 142 so I didn’t have to wait too long. Unfortunately, things that I wanted were on the other side of the store. My foot got a spasm and I knew I had to hurry up or I was going to pay for it. My back didn’t like standing for twenty minutes. I was dragging by the time I got everything I needed and left. I then went to Walgreens to get my scripts and my order. I was sweating really bad, so bad that my sunglasses kept sliding down on my face. I basically crawled home because my foot felt like I was walking on rocks. I need to get cushions for my AFO (ankle foot orthotic).

I came home and collapsed into a chair. I asked my mother to get me some water but she didn’t know how to operate the 2.5 gallon jug so I had to get up and get myself the water. I then had the dinner she made before putting the groceries away. Tomorrow I will have a nice turkey and cranberry wrap. I bought flaxseed lavish bread. I usually don’t buy it because I am the only one that likes it and I usually end up eating just one or two in the pack. Maybe I will make some scrambled eggs and roll them up in the bread. It’s not a flour tortilla but close enough.

I was drenched so decided to shower. I had peed myself anyway as my underwear was really wet with pee and sweat. My foot did not like it and cramped on me while I was washing my hair. I didn’t care. I was going to use the new bath gel that I bought but I needed a quick shower so just used my regular soap, rinsed, and dried. I went up to my hot room and quickly turned on the AC. Before I went on my bed, I took my meds and grabbed my phone so I didn’t have to get up again. As my laptop booted up, I took my pain meds. I hadn’t taken any since this morning. I didn’t bring them with me while I was out.

Needless to say, I am exhausted. Next week I hope to catch a later bus because the 1200 is too early and I get bored by 1400. There is only so much journal writing I can do before my mind wanders. I hope I sleep tonight but I am in a lot of pain so I might now. I got my Ka’u coffee grounded so I will have that tomorrow. I am not planning on going out tomorrow unless espresso calls me. I got to call the dentist and verify that my appointment with him is on this Thursday. I think she said the 3rd but I want to make sure.

in a pissy mood

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

In a pissy mood

I woke up around 0630 in severe pain. I went to the bathroom and my foot exploded. I wasn’t going to the hospital and emailed my psych. I have been using my phone and my net was working. Then I went on my laptop and it wasn’t. I had upgraded my services on Friday to lower my bill and while it is “pending”, I don’t have services. This was not explained to me and I was bullshit. Now I have to use my hotspot to use my laptop. I don’t need it for word but I do need it for my browsers. I am so aggravated.

Despite taking my pain meds, the pain has not gone down. It’s really hot out and muggy. I wanted a bowl of cereal for breakfast using my almond milk but it was frozen solid, again. I decided to use regular milk. I am tossing the almond milk because it’s been frozen and thawed a couple of times now. I don’t understand why as it’s the only thing that freezes in my fridge. It wasn’t even in the back of the fridge so I am at a loss.

I had hot dogs for lunch. And then I have been on the phone and net with Verizon to get my services back, or try to. A tech is coming out tomorrow so I need to clear the area around my desk. Not going to be fun. I have no idea where to put the things in front of my desk. I will have to disconnect my printer and put it somewhere. But the big box I have for my clothes, I don’t know where to put that or the clothes.

I took a heavy dose of Neurontin this morning to try and sleep. Some knucklehead called me around 0945 and woke me from my slumber and I have been up since. I am feeling weighed down and my back is hurting for some reason. I just want to sleep, not mess around my room.

I shaved the sides and back of my head, which gave me razor burn. I am not liking that too much. My niece helped straighten out the back as it was uneven. As she was doing it, I decided to tell her I was trans. She accepted me and it didn’t really come as a shock to her. She just wants me to be happy. It made me feel really good. She is the oldest niece and the first one I have some out to. I am slowly telling family members one by one.

Last week when I was in Walgreens, I saw a compression sleeve for my ankle that I wanted to try for my bad foot and Achilles. It was $13 and I just put it on. It’s really tight, tighter than the Tommie Copper brace that I have. I hope it helps. I am going to switch the sleeve tomorrow when I go out so my Achilles will be supported. I only got one because I wanted to try it first rather than buying two.

I might need some retail therapy today because I am in such a bad mood with all the stupid internet interruption.