Tag: back pain

in a pissy mood

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

In a pissy mood

I woke up around 0630 in severe pain. I went to the bathroom and my foot exploded. I wasn’t going to the hospital and emailed my psych. I have been using my phone and my net was working. Then I went on my laptop and it wasn’t. I had upgraded my services on Friday to lower my bill and while it is “pending”, I don’t have services. This was not explained to me and I was bullshit. Now I have to use my hotspot to use my laptop. I don’t need it for word but I do need it for my browsers. I am so aggravated.

Despite taking my pain meds, the pain has not gone down. It’s really hot out and muggy. I wanted a bowl of cereal for breakfast using my almond milk but it was frozen solid, again. I decided to use regular milk. I am tossing the almond milk because it’s been frozen and thawed a couple of times now. I don’t understand why as it’s the only thing that freezes in my fridge. It wasn’t even in the back of the fridge so I am at a loss.

I had hot dogs for lunch. And then I have been on the phone and net with Verizon to get my services back, or try to. A tech is coming out tomorrow so I need to clear the area around my desk. Not going to be fun. I have no idea where to put the things in front of my desk. I will have to disconnect my printer and put it somewhere. But the big box I have for my clothes, I don’t know where to put that or the clothes.

I took a heavy dose of Neurontin this morning to try and sleep. Some knucklehead called me around 0945 and woke me from my slumber and I have been up since. I am feeling weighed down and my back is hurting for some reason. I just want to sleep, not mess around my room.

I shaved the sides and back of my head, which gave me razor burn. I am not liking that too much. My niece helped straighten out the back as it was uneven. As she was doing it, I decided to tell her I was trans. She accepted me and it didn’t really come as a shock to her. She just wants me to be happy. It made me feel really good. She is the oldest niece and the first one I have some out to. I am slowly telling family members one by one.

Last week when I was in Walgreens, I saw a compression sleeve for my ankle that I wanted to try for my bad foot and Achilles. It was $13 and I just put it on. It’s really tight, tighter than the Tommie Copper brace that I have. I hope it helps. I am going to switch the sleeve tomorrow when I go out so my Achilles will be supported. I only got one because I wanted to try it first rather than buying two.

I might need some retail therapy today because I am in such a bad mood with all the stupid internet interruption.

Saturday Baking and other things

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders, suicide, suicide attempt

Saturday Baking and other things

I had left over cranberries from my cranberry cake and wanted to use them. I made muffins. It took me a fricken an hour to make. My back and ankle are not happy with me right now. I got a wave of the tireds when I started writing this and had to lie down. I thought I was going to sleep through the night so I set my timer for fifteen minutes so I wouldn’t fall into a deep sleep as I had to do the clean up. Fifteen minutes rolled around and I didn’t want to get up, just like I knew I wouldn’t. I forced myself up and went back to the kitchen where my mother was making dinner. She cleared some dishes by putting them in the dishwasher and left me basically all the cooking stuff that I had used. I washed them and got injured. The food processing blade got my finger. I forgot how sharp that sucker is. Then I had dinner. After dinner, I had to try a muffin and they came out good. I ate about three of them. They weren’t that big as I thought they would be. The Neurontin has given me hungry horrors today so I have been eating like mad.

After dinner, I just goofed off on Facebook. Found an article that stated the CDC basically lied about the opioid controversy in their studies by excluding studies that should have been included, according to the authors of the study I read. It was all over my head so I read what I could then went back to looking at videos and pics and memes. God, does Facebook have memes. I hate memes. Some of them are funny but after you seen them once, they lose interest when you see the same pics a thousand times, but with different sayings. I just don’t get the appeal. And my biggest peeve is when they say the quote as their status and then show the damn meme with the quote! WTF. Be original for crying out loud. Twitter does the same thing. Makes me want to take a cyber holiday.

Ohio and Nebraska didn’t have football games this week. I don’t think the season is done because other teams are still playing but I think it’s coming down to the wire who is going to play who in the bowls. There hasn’t been an official schedule yet but I hope it’s soon.

Other than baking, that is all I have done today. It was enough because I am totally wiped out. My ankle and foot are having a battle right now as to who is going to hurt more. I think ankle is going to win. But it doesn’t matter because I have meds. So take that!

I’m still thinking about going into the hospital. As annoying as it will be with med schedules and groups and dealing with potential idiot doctors/social workers, it would be nice not have to worry about whether I will OD every single night. Last night I came very close to taking more meds than I should. I don’t even know what set me off, though it doesn’t take much to set me off these days. A flare up, bad words with my mother, no cream for my coffee. Little things that normally won’t piss me off will suddenly push me off the edge. Maybe I need the safety to be watched and have check ins with people who may or may not give a shit about you. The only thing that will be a bitch is not having my pain medication at my disposal. I might not exactly wait six hours for my next dose but the hospital will, to the exact next minute I am supposed to take it. I can’t take it a minute earlier. The med computer system won’t even dispense the drug unless it’s within the time frame for the next dose. Sucks.

My aunt died this morning. She had been battling breast cancer for numerous years. She had one breast remove and then was in remission for a long time when it came back probably like ten years or so. It spread and she had been going for chemo and radiation, the works. Now she doesn’t have to fight anymore. She was a nice woman but god help you if you got on her bad side. My sister said that she and my father are probably talking up a storm, that is if she let you get a word in edge wise. She was a talker. She will be missed.

Back Pain, editing and other things

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Back Pain editing and other things

I think I had a good night sleeping because I woke up around 0900. I had to go to the bathroom but my mother was using it to get washed and dressed. I waited till she was done so I could brush my teeth. I had back pain throughout but I managed. I really wanted to go out today but walking around the house while waiting to use the bathroom helped ease out the kinks.

After the bathroom, I decided to say fuck the back pain and go out. I really wanted to try and get a huge chunk of editing done and, of course, get my espresso. I waited for time to pass as I was early for the bus. I was debating going to the pharmacy to drop off my prescription but I wasted too much time and had enough time to get dressed and to get to the bus stop in time. I took a pain pill for the back pain and left.

Starbucks had this promotion where if you bought three items, you collected 150 points. Today I bought the third item with my espresso drink. Then I got to work on my book. The first few stories were fine and didn’t need too much editing. The fourth story was a mess, formatically. Apparently, word decided that every paragraph needed its own page. I was in a panic because I had no idea how to fix this. And there was not much I could do about it then because I wasn’t at home. I moved on to the next story and sort of noticed the same pattern. I was freaking out. It was too late to catch the bus at 1230 so I had to wait an hour for the next one. I decided to get something to eat and then write in my journal. Starbucks had their turkey stuffing sandwich, which I love, so I had that for breakfast/lunch.

Fixing this format error was killing me. I was hoping that saving the document as a txt and then loading it in a new doc would fix the problem. It worked. I then started playing with the next story to see if I can manipulate it to be not so spread out but it wouldn’t work. I would have to do the same thing and by that time, I was so stressed out, I said forget it and will save it for another day. I am not sure I can fix it because it’s a new paragraph and there is just an inch of space on the preceding page so it might not be that big of a deal, even though it bothers me. I don’t know if the rest of the book is like this or not. I hope not because it will totally fucking suck to save this as a txt and then transform it to a document, play with the fonts and add paragraphs (txt takes them away) and then paste it in the main file. I have over 70 pages to do this with and it will be such a pain in the ass to do.

Before I came home to this editing bullshit, I went and dropped my prescription at the pharmacy. To my surprise, they didn’t go ballistic on the prescription and it’s ready to be picked up! Score! I might pick it up in a little while as I am totally out of it. I might just put on my jogging pants rather than jeans because I really don’t want to change but I can’t go in my PJs. I also emptied my recycling bins today so I call it a win.

a day of sleep

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

I woke up about an hour ago and now I want to go back to sleep. My mother will be making hot dogs and beans for dinner soon. I guess it will be good to eat something other than cake. I had three slices of the Nantucket Cranberry cake I made yesterday. It is so good. I really like it. I made myself a cup of tea to try and keep myself awake but I don’t think it is going to work. I can drink several cups of tea and then go right to sleep. But the caffeine might be enough to get me through dinner.

I woke up around 6 in severe pain to start my day. I don’t know how but my feet were not under the blankets and were really cold. It hurt moving my legs because my back was so sore. I was in an awkward position, which is probably why my back was hurting. I reluctantly took two pain pills. I am running low and will run out by the end of the week. Question is, which pain pill will I run out first. I have 4 strong pain pills and 10 regular pain pills. I think my regular pills will run out sooner. I am so sad that this is going to happen and there is nothing I can do about it, other than ration my pills. If I am in any pain for the rest of the day, I will have to take the strong pain pills. I think that with some Ativan will help ease my pain. Last night I went into PTSD mode because I started getting pain down my left leg. I was so freaking out. Back pain radiating down my leg always freaks me out. Luckily the Ativan worked and I went to sleep without incident.

I wanted to watch the baseball game tonight but I am way too tired. I still need to wash my hair because I put gel in it last night and it’s making my head itch. I don’t know if that will be done today. I am so damn sleepy. And it’s not like I have been piling on the medications either. I haven’t taken anything since early this morning. I guess all my activities from yesterday are coming out today, making me really tired. I never had dinner as my mother called and I was feeling kind of full of cake. I also didn’t feel like having hot dogs. I’m not that hungry today so I think I will take my meds soon and call it a day. It’s raining out now.