Tag: chronic pain

two hour increments

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders, painsomnia

Two hour increments

I didn’t sleep at all last night. I slept every hour and then every two. I gave up around 0830 when my mother called me to put compression socks on her. She needs someone to help her put them on as they are really tight. I will be putting them on her until the swelling goes down, which could be forever. I don’t have much faith in these socks. I just took them off her because I didn’t want her to wake me up around 2030 when she went to bed. I am so fricken tired. I took my night meds really early because I didn’t want to wait till 1900.

I did a few errands today while wearing the boot. I brought my barbers the casserole. I brought my journal with me, hoping to write but I never did. I didn’t have the right pen. I am very particular when it comes to writing with pens. So I drank my espresso, just three shots today. Then I went into town to get my commuter rail tickets for Thursday as I will be heading south of Boston to have dinner with my friends. I hope my pain doesn’t interfere with this plan. I haven’t seen my friends in so long and really want to see them. It was kind of a mistake to go into town as there were a lot of people as this weekend is Marathon Monday. Boston goes crazy. I didn’t like that it was the weekend anyway because I had to wait for the train and bus. By the time I got back to the square, my back was aching me. Then the bus driver on the bus home was a lunatic. Kept speeding up to a stop and then slammed on the brakes. I had to hold on to stay in my seat the whole ride. I was not happy.

I came home with the intention of having lunch and then taking a nap. But I just couldn’t sleep. I dozed off for 2 hours and then my mother called me to tell me dinner was ready. I feel so sick from lack of sleep. My pain is awful. I just took some more pain meds. It’s getting close to the end of the month so I hope I have enough meds till Tuesday. I am not getting anywhere near Boston on Monday. It will be a mad house. I hate crowds. I have three friends running the marathon and another friend will be at the finish line volunteering.

I solved my fricken windows update issue by using an external hard drive. I am so glad it worked. I had to order a USB to USB wire as the one I had went AWOL. I tried looking in different places where I have assorted wires but no luck. Now that I have the new wire, I am sure it will turn up. Well, I thought I solved the issue but I didn’t. I searched online for answers and found that you can’t change the drive where windows downloads updates. Fucking jerks. I am so pissed off as there are like over 100 updates and I can’t install them because I have no space. I don’t understand how one fricken update needs 8GB of space. Like WTF. Why does it need so much space!!?? Pisses me off. I don’t know how they expected this piece of shit to run when it can’t download updates. I am so mad I wasted $300.

I think my night meds are making me awake. I was so tired before and now I am feeling energized. WTF. I hate when this happens. I still feel kind of groggy but my mother is watching games and they are really loud with the sounds. The TV is right under my bedroom. I loved when my mother used to watch TV while muted. She would just read the closed caption. It was great. But something happened and she couldn’t get it anymore on certain channels so I had to use the TV’s closed caption. Now the words are there with the damn sound. So fucking annoying. She has no clue how loud the TV is to normal hearing people. I usually have to wait until she goes to bed to get some sleep. I usually listen for her as she goes up the stairs anyway to make sure she doesn’t fall or something. That is my biggest fear. Her legs are really bothering her more and they are very swollen for whatever reason. I wish the doctors would give her a diuretic to bring the swelling down as the furosemide (Lasix) isn’t doing shit. She is still bruised from the fall she took in November. I told her to put heat on it but her doctor told her she was bruised forever so she won’t listen to me. She never does.

If I get some sleep tonight, maybe I can shower tomorrow. I really stink but my foot/ankle is hurting so damn bad that standing for 10 minutes is not going to happen. I should have done it before leaving the house today but I wasn’t thinking. I just wanted to drop the stuff off and then come home. HA, that didn’t happen. I haven’t had any caffeine since this morning. My British friend told me about a strong tea called Twinning Everyday. I really like it. The caffeine must be good on it because like coffee, it puts me to sleep after I drink it. HAHA. It is filling so I try not to drink more than one cup. This tea is full-bodied so has a rich taste to it compared to my Bigelow tea that I normally drink. I haven’t had coffee in a month now. The new coffee I bought is on the counter saying use me but I just can’t. I kind of lost my taste for coffee. I probably will get it back in a month or two. I got to check the half and half and see if it is still good. Maybe I will make coffee tomorrow and see if I can get back to drinking it rather than tea. I always swap one for the other.

just so tired of it all

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Just so tired of it all

I tried to stay off my ankle most of the day but it’s next to impossible. I didn’t wear the boot while in the house. I was in pain but it wasn’t bad until I took a nap. Now it’s excruciating. I am just feeling really depressed today. I don’t want to do anything. I half want to email my psychiatrist that I am doing poorly, but what is she going to do? There is nothing she can do. I am tired of reaching out and getting no where.

I sent a message to my doc last night for clarification about my ankle bones. I still haven’t heard anything. Now I am wondering if I will. I don’t get what is the point of sending them messages if they don’t respond. Just annoys me.

I am going to try and go to the grocery store tomorrow and get the stuff I need to make the chili cornbread casserole. My barbers want me to make it again. I would have gotten the ingredients yesterday but I was hurting too much.

I’m not sure if I will hear the game tonight. Last night was explosive as they got into another fight. They haven’t announced suspensions yet but probably will later tonight. The media keeps saying the “rivalry” is back. So stupid. I don’t know if I can stay up for 3 or 4 hours. I am so tired from being in pain and just dealing with the depression. I don’t know why it is hitting me so hard this month.

insult to injury

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Insult to injury

Not having a good day. I fell asleep around 7 pm last night only to wake up at midnight and stay up till4 or so. I wasn’t in pain, I just couldn’t sleep. I had some waffles as it was close to 12 hours since I last ate and that seemed to settle me. I woke up when my med alarm went off, my foot was bothering me in the atrophied area. It felt like it was going to cramp but wouldn’t. I made breakfast. I was going to make some burritos but wasn’t feeling up to it. Standing was hurting me. I took a shower after I ate, which only aggravated my ankle/foot. I was still having intense pain so emailed my psych to see who to best to see. She said my PCP so I called the office. Of course my doc wasn’t available and I saw the nurse practitioner.

I played with my phone and decided to catch the bus so I could have my espresso and maybe write in my journal. I wore the walking boot because I couldn’t bear weight. It was good because any forward movement caused me pain. I was early when I got to my doctor’s office, though I had to wait an hour to be seen. I wasn’t thrilled about this. I wanted to do shopping but now it wasn’t likely as it was getting late. The NP examined me and said she thought I sprained a ligament. She said that I had weak ligaments because of my surgeries. I didn’t know what surgeries she was talking about as I never had ankle surgery. Just pissed me off. Then she said to ice and elevate it. You don’t use ice if you have CRPS. I said I would elevate it. I had to go down to X-Ray as she said I had pain on my bone (malleolus). She said she would send me a message when the results came in.

So I have a sprain and I am to be in the boot for a week. Just fucking great. It is going to wreck my back. The report of the X-Ray is that there is come changes to my medial malleolus not my lateral. I find this weird as my lateral malleolus (the one that is outward) hurts me more than my medial. It doesn’t make any sense unless the radiologist got it wrong. Going to ask them to look again because I don’t understand how I have pain in the opposite malleolus.

I then fiddled with my time until the Sox game. It got bad. The starting pitcher, Price gave up a lot of runs. Then the relievers did. The $31 Million dollar pitcher said he had a “sensation in his hand” causing him to pitch poorly. OK. There were benches cleared after an exchange of words during a second base play. I got tired of listening to one of the announcers on the radio that tends to piss me off regularly but I have to tolerate him because I can’t watch TV. I am in too much pain tonight to listen to him so shut off the radio. That is when the fun started. Sox scored some runs and it is now 8-6 evil empire in the 5th. And a friend just texted me the top of the 6th. Reliever gave up 2 runs. What a shitshow. I am going to bed. This day has been nothing but awful

Pain, not sleeping, and other things

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders, painsomnia

I was up till 3 slept for an hour and then got up a few hours later. I was so tired. I was having serious pain where I have the part of my ankle that lost muscle (atrophied). Nothing was really working and standing was not a good idea. I think around 2, I decided to put the compression sock I bought on. It took about an hour for it to decrease my pain enough so I could sleep.

When I got up around 10 or so, I had some mini wheat cereal. When I poured the cereal, it just made a mess and I overfilled the bowl. Great. I picked up what was on the floor and then cleaned off the counter where shredded wheat had dropped. I put almond milk in my cereal. It was good. A couple hours later, I got hungry again so made a tuna sandwich with carrots and celery. It was really good. I didn’t end up using all the tuna so I will have lunch tomorrow or maybe a midnight snack. One never knows.

I then slept for a while. My mother called me to say dinner was ready but I didn’t get up. I slept for another hour. The house smelled like cabbage. My mother had cooked it. I was going to try it but the smell was bad when I took off the lid. No, thanks. I just had the spaghetti my mother made.

Now I am hoping to listen to the ballgame. My ankle is kind of sore. I had to take the sock off as I felt it was too long that I had it on. I’ve been having minimal pain most of the day. Hope it stays that way.