Tag: fatigue

Fatigue is killing me!!!

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Fatigue is killing me!!!

My alarm went off and I took my meds. I checked to see when my delivery would be here. It said in about 40 minutes. I quickly made some coffee and had a few sips when the truck came. The delivery didn’t include a few bottle of Powerade and the buffalo wings I had wanted to make for dinner. UGH. I guess it is ramen noodles or something. After I put everything away and then fixed the Powerade bottles so I could take a bag up to my room, I was exhausted. The weather took out my back so I was working slowly. Now I need a nap.

I emailed my psychiatrist around 8 last night to tell her I was frustrated with feeling like shit and being tired all the time worse than I usually am. I waited for a response and got none. It is now almost noon and still no response, I am ready to page her as I want to decrease my dose of my mood stabilizer even before my blood tests. I am just so fucking tired. Doesn’t help that my foot is going fucking bananas right now. It feels like a grater is grating the top of my foot. It is so sensitive right now.

I got an area of my stomach is killing me. Feels like gas is trapped and won’t go anywhere. Just fucking lovely. I have no idea if it is gas or shit. I don’t care but it better be moving because it hurts. I might take some miralax. That might work but if it doesn’t and works tomorrow, I am screwed because I will be out. I am ready to email my doc and say fuck it, I am decreasing my dose by 300 mg. And watch my sodium levels will be higher. (Don’t know if this will happen but I hope it will be so.)

I think I have to take some Neurontin because my foot is not calming down at all. Neuropathy is such a fun thing (being sarcastic here). It really sucks. But the pain is always so different. Drives me fucking crazy.

I am feeling really depressed and feeling like a nothing. Seems like everyone can do things I can’t. I hate that people can walk their dogs or go for walks period and I am over here struggling just to walk down my hallway and around the kitchen.

My lunatic aunt called to say to look out for my mother. When my mother came home, she called out for me. I asked what, and she told me I had a package. It was from my friend that is not doing so well. I honestly didn’t expect a package from him this year because of all his troubles. It was nice that he sent it to me. Now I got to get around to call him. Anyways, I went downstairs, barefoot, and then went to the kitchen where my ankle pain shot up so high my mother thought I was crying. I could have been the pain was so bad. I waited for it to pass but it didn’t. I opened the package and then put the fruit and nuts away. Then put the box in the recycle pile and went upstairs. I had to stop a few times because of pain.

I had a message from my psychiatrist when I got back to my room. WTF she didn’t understand what I have been telling her. I felt like telling her off but I didn’t. I simply said that if I don’t lower the dose of the medication, I won’t be seeing my pcp tomorrow because I will have no energy! I haven’t had a response. I honestly don’t expect one. It is my body and I will do whatever I want to get it so that it somewhat cooperates the way it is supposed to be and if taking 300 mg less of what I take will do that, so be it. I had a salty lunch of Ramen noodles and crackers. I had bought these crackers that were cheese and peanut butter but the filling was just peanut butter so the crackers must have been cheese crackers, I guess. They were good and salty so I didn’t care. If I am up to it, I might make a turkey Shepard’s pie. I really don’t want peas and pasta. I took some Neurontin to calm down the crazy nerve pain I am having. I have no idea if it is going to knock me out or make me goofy. Either case, I will be taking a nap soon and hope that my damn foot pain doesn’t increase. I am just so wiped out that if I don’t sleep, I don’t think I will be making anything.

Therapy, fatigue, and still feeling like shit

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, medical, mental illness, mood disorders

I managed a shower today. It kind wore me out but I was determined to see my therapist. The bus didn’t give a shit what I had planned as it was like a fucking half hour late. Starbucks didn’t have eggnog so I just had a mocha. I forgot extra shots. Doubt they would have done any good anyway. By the time I reached my therapist’s office, I was wiped out.

We started talked and I profusely apologized for missing Monday. I told him I felt like shit and I must have looked it because he asked if I wanted to go home. I said ok. I thanked him. I said I hope to see him Monday and have a good Thanksgiving.

I took an Uber home. I am glad I did because I was ready to pass out. I told my mother I would be going to bed and she asked if it was because of pain. I said no, I am tired because my blood counts are off. She was confused. I tried to explain it to her last week but she didn’t want to hear it. Now I was explaining it again. I need a salty diet and high protein and low fluids. I still don’t think she understood but not my problem. I went upstairs to change and hunker down. I am hungry but no idea what to eat. I finished off the last of the cold cuts. I want to order out but my funds are low. I get paid Monday though.

I wish I could say I am feeling better but I am feeling the same. Yesterday I slept all day and hope my activities today don’t wear me out so much. I had a rough night as I slept in pretty much the same position all night so was stiff and this or that hurt or was asleep. It is going to be the coldest Thanksgiving on record, with some parts reaching below zero. Much too early for this time of year. But the weather is whacky everywhere.

If you are in the US, I wish you a happy Thanksgiving. I am grateful you read my blog. Hope you have a good day tomorrow.

Found out cause of fatigue

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders, physical pain

Had my repeat blood work and urine tests done on Thursday. My sodium level was lower than it was on Tuesday. My doc called me around 8 am but I couldn’t get the phone in time. When I called back. The transcript from my voicemail was incorrect. Anyway he sent me a message explaining what he thought I had, SIADH, syndrome of inappropriate anti diuretic hormone. It is basically my body holding onto water and peeing salt. So he said I am to reduce my fluid intake to 1L and eat salty food and protein. It has been difficult doing either as all I want to do is sleep. I made some scrambled eggs and had some juice. It tired me out when he called me again. I am just really tired. Today I had some donuts and crackers with my coffee. I only drank 2 oz and then had to lie down. I finally took a shower today so doing all that just wiped me out. I wanted to make cheeseburgers for lunch but I guess I will have them for dinner. Just told my mother and she said I’m cooking. Bitch. We haven’t been getting along past few days. She has been on my back to do shit and then yell at me for old shit. I seriously need to find a place to live. I can’t take it anymore with her. She is stressing me out. I really think it is because her sister gets on her nerves and then she takes it out on me. God forbid she should put her sister in her place. I had to laugh when the lunatic was telling me the turkey’s we bought were from Maine because my cousin doesn’t know postal codes. They are from Minnesota. I didn’t say anything. They are all a bunch of ignorant fools anyway. Also uneducated. Though the lunatic likes to brag that she was a spelling bee champ in school. She didn’t finish high school though. Only person on my mother’s side was my mother.

Foot is really hurting today and my left leg is giving me trouble. It feels like it doesn’t want to hold me up. Taking that shower was fun. I had to sit down like 3 times. Back kept cramping up. I just want to give up. I am so tired of pain and fatigue. I wish I could kill myself. I know my family would be better off without me.

Another blog by phone

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, medical, mental illness, mood disorders, physical pain, transgender

I am still feeling crappy. Yesterday in was so exhausted after seeing the doc, I slept, had dinner, took my meds. And pretty much slept through the night. I woke up once to pee and take a horrible selfie. I felt like taking the shot of T then but i was too tired to be that coordinated. I had to wake up early to check to see if my niece went to school on time. I got mad at my phone for waking me up, snoozed, got mad again, and never got up. I woke up a half hour later and went downstairs. She wasn’t home so that was good. It is freezing out. I went back to my room and fell back to sleep.

I got up around an hour ago. I had messages, one was a provider letter. I read that but it was just for my urine test results. I still haven’t heard anything about my blood results so I sent a message. My sodium is down again, lower than it ever has been. No wonder I feel so crummy. My psych said to reduce my water intake (I am not reducing coffee!!) This is hard because I kind of am thirsty since she said it. I’ve just been taking sips with my meds. Figures not eating and drinking would knock it down. I asked her if we could lower the oxcarb by 300 mg and she agreed. I feel a little better today but still feel so tired. I was supposed to meet up with my barber to get my baking dish but I couldn’t be bothered. I am just too tired. I will get it next week.

So I guess I am to just sleep until my medical doc figures out what to do with me. The rest is helping my plantar fasciitis. Heel was hurting so bad last night from all the walking I did. I didn’t ice it just rolled a tennis ball under my foot while waiting for dinner to be ready. It really helps reduce the pain. I have been doing the app thing for my foot. My scores are better but not 100 %, dammit lol. The OT wants it above 80%, which they have been so that is good. I see them tomorrow. I haven’t done the stretching because I’ve been in a flare. Even yesterday while on the way home felt like my sneaker was going to rip the top of my foot apart. It was fun going around the house with two feet hurting so bad. Yikes!! I’ve been doing the heat stuff so hope she isn’t going to be a bitch. I also been doing the heel lift she wants so 2 out of 3 isn’t bad. My foot is still bothering me today. I haven’t had this bad of a flare in a while. Hope it settles down.

Last night some idiot called with a restricted number. I thought it might be the doctor’s office so answered. It was some document recovery bullshit. They had a document I had to sign and would I be available between such and such hours. I was yes-ing them to death. Bastards never came. Assholes. I get these calls at least twice a year and it is always we are taking you to court and we can’t give you the information, you need to call the 800 number. Okay. Scam bastards.

I am not sure where my blog writing is going. If I feel up to it, I will write. Otherwise I won’t. I just don’t have the energy. Oh, and today is day 42 of my transition. I will write a separate post for that, though it will be just a paragraph as not much has changed.