Tag: painsomnia

Saturday blog 10 Feb 18

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders, physical pain

I didn’t go to sleep till around 5 am. I was in pain all night. I was in severe pain when I woke up 5 hours later. I took some more meds as it was close to 12 hours since my last dose. I feel like shit. My mother made pork chops for dinner. I was glad as that meant I didn’t have to cook. I wanted bacon though so I heated it up. It was the pre-made kind.

I will be taking my night meds soon and going back to sleep. I am so tired. I have no energy to do anything. I might make a cup of orange spice tea. It is herbal and no caffeine. I finally remembered to buy it on my last grocery order. I started making another order the other night when I couldn’t sleep. Just my Powerade and ribs alone was $50. I go through like 20 bottles of Powerade a month. They are kind of expensive and not really on sale. Another grocery store has them for less but they don’t carry the flavor I like.

Tomorrow is the wake for my aunt. I plan on just wearing jeans and a dress shirt. I don’t have dress/casual pants that fit me. I hate being so heavy. I’ve been trying to watch what I eat but it is hard. I will be seeing family members I have not seen in a long time.

I sent my psychiatrist an email but I don’t think I made much sense. It was late and I don’t even remember what I wrote. She didn’t respond so I guess that is a good thing.

Pain is creeping up again. Hope it doesn’t keep me up another night. It will be the third night in a row. I am so tired of being in severe pain all the time. It really sucks.

Saturday blog 20 Jan 2018

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Saturday Blog 20 Jan 2018

I managed some sleep after 0330, though I woke up every 2 hours or so. I woke up feeling like shit. It was around 10 and even though my med alarm went off to remind me to take my morning meds, I hadn’t taken them yet. I took them and then went to use the bathroom. I missed the bus to the Square. My mother was on the phone with my sister and she asked her if she would take me to the grocery store. She said she would. I decided to go have coffee at her house to try and wake up. I wasn’t hungry so I just had coffee.

I went to the grocery store and it was packed. Not that unusual for a Saturday. I got the things my mother wanted and found the things I needed that I would get later that week as it was much cheaper than what I was getting online. Came home and needed a nap after I put everything away. I slept for an hour and a half. My mother made dinner, which was ready by the time I woke up.

I am feeling really tired and out of it because of my fractured sleep last night. I am not in horrible pain and I hope it stays that way. I am going to take my night meds soon and then go to sleep. I think I will read a chapter first as I haven’t had the time to read at all today.

drifting off yet staying awake

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Drifting off yet staying awake

Pain is really making me suicidal tonight and a crying mess. I had my Chinese food from a new place. It was really good except I didn’t like the peppers in the General Gau. It was spicy and the sauce was sweet and sour in good proportions. I really liked it. It made me less irritable. But after I came back to my room, I had a meltdown as the pain increased and the tears flowed. There was nothing I could do to stop them. I just gave up trying to hold them back. I wrote some things on FB, on my wall and in my support group. I talked with one member privately. She understood what was going on.

I honestly don’t know if I am going to survive that much longer. I need to probably make an appt with a pain doc and hope I don’t get some shmuck resident. I have no idea when I will be able to get an appt. I know it probably won’t be soon.

I am very tired of dealing with this and many things. It is just exhausting dealing with pain every night and not being able to come up with a combo that works. I took a high dose of gabapentin as the nerve pain has started. The side and top of my foot are on fire. Least with the physical pain, I knew with in an hour or two, the pain would subside. Not so much with nerve pain. I never know when it will subside. But least it helps me sleep some.

Hope tonight is not a game night where I take my foot out from under the blankets, wait for it to “cool” off and then put it back under the blanket night. I hate that game. I also hope the lying down and sit up game isn’t played tonight either. I do have to say that I have been sleeping slightly better with the new body pillow I got for my birthday. I really love it. My shoulder loves it too as I am not using it as a pillow as much.

Going to try this thing called sleep. Hope it works for me and I get a few hours, maybe more, that is if the orange toddler doesn’t press his bigly button and cause a catastrophe. Don’t know when his supervisors are going to take his phone away, or better yet, Twitter takes his account away. But that is a subject for another day. Night folks…

Painsomnia Strikes Again

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Painsomnia Strikes Again

So after I read three chapters of Tex, I was getting sleepy. I twittered for a while before a chat began that I didn’t want to participate in. All day a certain part of my ankle had been throbbing and feeling like it was being dug into. When I decided to sleep, all fucking hell broke loose. My metatarsals, particularly the heads, starting hurting. And the pain piggy backed from there. Ankle. Metatarsals and back again. I took a strong pain pill, hoping it would settle down. That was about two hours ago. Now in addition to these pains, other parts of my foot and ankle are hurting. They are lighting up like a Christmas tree. I just want to lie down and sleep but I know if I try, I might be in more pain. I haven’t tried yet. I just took some gabapentin as now my foot is on fire as well. I didn’t take it earlier because I didn’t think it would get to this point.

Time is now 0115. I need to be up in about 8 hours. I doubt I will sleep that long. I never do unless there are interruptions. I might lie down and see if anything bad happens. I just don’t want to play the lie down and sit up game that my foot likes to play. I have the bad foot out from under the blankets. It sometimes help with dealing with the nerve pain because the slight pressure of the sheets and blankets irritate my skin nerves. I keep it out until it gets cold and then put it back under to warm it up. That is the other game it likes to play, out and in.

Wish me luck. I am going to lie down and try and get comfy. I hope my sister got me the body pillow I asked her to get me for my Xmas/bday gift. I think I will be more comfortable on that than just a head pillow. The nice thing about the body pillow that I wanted was that it had different positions you can put the pillow in so you can sit up in bed while reading or using a laptop, with your back being supported. I tend to lean forward when I am sitting as my spine is that way. Sitting straight up hurts my back but having a pillow near my lower back does help. The past few days I have just been house bound, going out for just 10-20 minutes at a day. It sucks because when I walk down the street, it kills my legs because I don’t use them enough. It’s hard to go out every day when a) you’re in pain and b) depression kills the motivation you have to go out. Just brushing my teeth was hard. But I did it.