Tag: schizoaffective disorder

another day of chronicity

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Another day of Chronicity

I had to pick up my prescription, even though it was ordered wrong, I decided to get it. I also needed some other things at Walgreens and so did my mother. I should have taken the rolling bag that I usually use but I used a handbag instead. Huge mistake. By the time I got to the end of the block, my back was aching me. The stuff I had was not heavy. I mean how heavy could 4 boxes of tissues and a thing of juice really be? Plus I had to be careful of my steps because there were parts that weren’t shoveled. I ended up walking in the street most of the way home, being mindful to look up every so often so I didn’t get hit by a car. I had only worn a heavy sweatshirt and I was sweating big time by the time I came home. I had to change my shirt as it was wet. My back was killing me and I couldn’t wait to rest on my bed.

I think I got a cold sore on my lip and it hurts. I have tried several different lip balms but it won’t go away. Guess I am going to have to wait it out. My foot is thanking me kindly for going to Walgreens. I wasn’t going to go but I am almost out of Neurontin so I needed to get my prescription. I wanted to email my neuro and tell her she called it in wrong but I didn’t. I’ll just take lump sums of the 300 mg capsules when I need them rather than taking less pills with the 600 mg tabs. I really am disgusted that my neuro didn’t read my email to change the script.

I had to deal with a troll on Twitter today. I had sent an article about the EFFECT of crisis response plans vs safety contracts. NO where in the article did it say the effectiveness or effective nature of safety contracts. So this bozo, who I have dealt with before, says “should ‘effective’ and safety contract be used in the same sentence”? That wasn’t the scope of the article!! Then I pointed that out to him, after he caused memes and gifs, and other conversations. No response, as usual. I did get a like for pointing out the difference. But everyone else ignored me. Figures. I am having a friend get the article for me as I am not paying $35 for the article. He goes to psych grad school so can get it easily. I need it for my library.

I got an email from my psychiatrist. It was about a group dealing with chronic pain and she was wondering if I was interested in joining. I just sent an email to the interested party and I hope I get a response. I also left a message with a potential new therapist that my friend gave me. I was kind of nervous so it was terrible. I hate leaving messages. I haven’t received a call back yet. I hope I do. I might send her another email as she didn’t respond to the first one. I am really missing having someone to talk to every week. I like talking to my psych every week but we don’t focus on things and it’s not really therapy.

When I see my psych this Friday, I am going to ask her to see if going up on the Zoloft would help me. I have been in a low mood and wonder if increasing the med might help me feel better and not be so destructive when I have a flare up. I hate increasing it but if it will help, I will be for it. It’s been months since my last increase. I just hope I don’t get side effects of an increased dose. That wouldn’t be good. I know my psych is worried about me because I have been seeing her every week since January. Usually I see her every 2-3 weeks. But with the whole no therapy, she has been my sole support. I miss my therapist. I hope the therapist I called today has openings or I will be really sad.

chronic pain and being lazy

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Chronic pain and being lazy

I woke up at 7 in pain. I took my meds and within an hour, it toned down. I took the opportunity to take a much needed shower. I then made breakfast after I finished getting dressed. While I was making my coffee, I started to feel dizzy, but not the dizziness I have experienced in the past. I drank my coffee and it put me to sleep so I took a nap for a couple of hours. I woke up to my med app telling me it was time to take my meds so I turned over and took them. The dizziness was gone and so was my energy levels. I was completely wiped out.

I had to pack my suitcase for tomorrow’s admission. I was hoping to find a journal that is missing that was in my bag that I had my blanket in but it wasn’t there. I have no idea where this journal went. It’s really bugging me. Anyway, I finished packing and then noticed I forgot to pack my slippers. I’ll stuff them in later. The blanket took up most of the room in my suitcase as it’s just a carryon type. I was able to fit my clothes and stuff so that was good. Now I just need to fit my slippers and I will be all set. I still need to make my backpack “hospital safe”, which means I got to take out anything that could potentially be considered a sharp or a hazard. It’s a pain in the ass. It shouldn’t take me too long as I think the only thing that is compromised is my bottle of aspirin for my headaches. Everything else should be okay. I still need to pack some Powerade bottles and water. I’ll see if I can stuff them in the suitcase as the backpack will just hurt my back.

I plan on leaving early tomorrow morning before people are up. If I get there early, I hopefully won’t be waiting too long. Though last time I still had to wait like 15 hours before I was transferred. It was a long day. I hope tomorrow isn’t too long and I don’t get a moron doc that thinks I don’t need to be in the hospital because I came in before I did something. Some medical doctors are so judgmental.

I had emailed my neurologist to refill my Neurontin. I specifically told her I wanted 600 mg tabs twice a day. What does she do? She refilled my previous prescription so I got 300 mg caps three times a day. WTF. I am so mad. They better not try to give me 300 mg three times a day in the hospital. I don’t take it that way. Last night, I carefully wrote out how I take my meds. Hopefully the hospital staff listens to me rather than what is actually ordered. Otherwise I will be a fucking zombie while in the hospital. Just got an email saying my prescription is ready. Wonder if I should pick it up or just wait till I am home from the hospital. I’ll wait. I don’t feel like going out. I really just want to go back to sleep.

I haven’t had lunch or dinner. I might have the last piece of pumpkin cake as both. I don’t know what my mother is planning on making for dinner. Probably the bean soup she made yesterday. I don’t want that. I wish I had deep dish pizza but I think the last box is in the basement freezer. I’m not that desperate to get it as that means going outside. I have no idea if there will be snow near the entrance or not. I don’t want to find out. I’ll probably have the cake and then if I get hungry later, I’ll make some toast or something. I got to remember to pack some protein bars with me so I don’t have to buy food while I wait. They serve you lunch but you got to ask for it and last time I didn’t get dinner so I was really hungry when I got to the psych hospital. I’ll get breakfast at Starbucks so I will have something in my stomach. I will need my espresso so I stay up.

I really want to sleep but I need to finish my tasks so I am just ready to go in the morning. I hate feeling lazy and sleepy. I had emailed my psych last night in a fit of despair. Pain was driving me nuts and I had to take the strong pain pill to quiet things down. Even then it took a while for it to work. I haven’t heard back from my psych.

Snowy, Sleepy Sunday

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Snowy Sleepy Sunday

Well, we had snow, though it’s been coming in spurts rather than all at once. I don’t know if that is good or bad. I guess the heavy stuff is going to happen later tonight. I plan on packing my bag tonight just in case the weather isn’t bad tomorrow morning and I can go into the hospital. If not, the plan is still to go in on Tuesday, when most of the snow will be cleared. It’s still not clear to me whether snow is in the forecast for tomorrow. According to Weather bug app it is, but the weathermen haven’t said. So weird. Guess I will find out tomorrow.

I haven’t done anything today except sleep. My foot is still bothering me and I just don’t want to do anything. My mother made some kind of bean soup with chickpeas so I didn’t have dinner. I don’t like chickpeas. They make me sick. She never called me down for supper so I guess she decided to mix everything together. She had like four different pots on the stove. I guess I will make some eggs for supper. I am kind of hungry. All I had to eat was my cake.

My friend annoyed me on Facebook. She always wants to chat but she never responds after she sends me a message until later. It’s like what is the point if you aren’t going to chat right away. Just annoys me. Or she will start a conversation and then go to Walmart or CVS so I am left hanging for a half hour or more. Just talk to me when you have time or don’t bother. Or at least tell me you are going out and will be back soon so I am not left hanging.

I’ve been in a low mood for most of the day because of pain. I need to take my night meds soon but I can’t fill out my med box because I will be going to the hospital. Which reminds me, I got to fill out a sheet of how I take my meds. I am not looking forward to it but I think it will be easier and no mess ups if I write it out as clear as day. Least I am hoping that to be the case. We’ll see if it works out the way I want it to.

I think there has been thunder snow happening because there have been some loud booms. I can’t really tell if it’s that or if it’s just the snow crashing off the roof tops. It’s loud and scares me.

My brother in law just called saying he made some dinner. He made chicken thighs and potato salad. I really don’t like chicken thighs. I don’t feel like going downstairs so I am just going to text him thanks but no thanks. I’ll make scrambled eggs for supper. It’s my go to when I don’t know what else to eat.

Random 813

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

I woke up from another nap, feeling wicked hot. I changed the settings on my fan to what they were before. I thought a lower setting would keep me cool but nope. It didn’t. I am back to a medium setting. My pain was acting up so I took some more pain meds. Then I “woke” up and can’t seem to settle down so I took a Benadryl. I have been using them more rather than taking Ativan because it works fast and knocks me out for at least 4-6 hours.

I started reading Twitter on my phone. It was making me laugh and be serious, because of the idiocy of Trump. People are really creative when it comes to memes and stuff. That is what makes me laugh. I do have a wicked bad feeling Trump is going to cause a war. It might not be soon, unless he gets impeached, but I have a feeling it will be while he is in office. He is just alienating a lot of countries. And they don’t like it. I just hope I figure out a way to die before the war starts.

I am really tired but I can’t seem to fall back to sleep. Pain isn’t helping. My damn toes are hurting me. There is nothing that I can really do except wait for the pain meds to kick in. I feel like having the last slice of cake but then I would have to clean the dish and I don’t want to. I’ll have my mother do it tomorrow, hahaha.

Starbucks has come out with a new coffee from Guatemala. It’s supposed to have cocoa notes and an aroma of orange. I think I will try it. I haven’t had a clover coffee in a while since my Brazil coffee went out of stock. I miss that coffee. It was so good. I will have the clover coffee and then my espresso over ice. I know it’s going to be a long day Tuesday because I will be in the ER most of the day.

I had to call Sprint yesterday because they still didn’t take off the charge of $200 on my account from when I lost my phone. The guy gave me a confirmation number saying that it should take about 7 days to clear out. Right now my bill is almost “delinquent” because I haven’t paid them this money. I am not going to because the money should have been taken off. Bums. I am not paying it.

The weather people are unsure how much snow we are going to get tomorrow so the basic idea it to make sure you have milk and bread. Why these items have become a staple during a snow storm, I have no idea.