Will the crushing pain ever stop?

Will the crushing pain ever stop??

I was up all night, again, due to pain. My foot and ankle were playing a game of this part is going to hurt, then this, then that, and then repeat. ALL FUCKING NIGHT! I did what I could to control it but with pain that changes and is intermittent, it is very hard to control. Eventually the Neurontin knocked me out for a few hours. Then I was a hungry beast. I had a burrito followed by the tuna my mother made with some crackers.

I emailed my psychiatrist during the mayhem and she responded. She wanted to know what changed. I said everything is status quo with no help from the pain doc or my PCP so I am done. I am no longer going to try and get a longer acting pain med. I am going to make every damn effort to make sure that when I do die, there isn’t the financial stress of my death. So again, I played with dates and think sometime in June things will end. I just got to find a place to do it. That is a huge thing. But two months is plenty of time, right?

My foot is just being a fucking bastard today. The bones hurt so bad and feel like they are being crushed. It is a constant pain. I took my strong pain pill and an Ativan to try and take a nap but everyone decided to either call or text me at that time. I should have shut the phone off. My mother is planning on going out to the grocery store so she won’t be home for when my niece if off of school. So why you calling me? Call her mother and tell her. She isn’t going to be home either as she has a doc appt and I will be going with her.

My phone decided it was going to update the OS so wiped out all my preferences. Individual text tones are no longer an option. That sucks. It also got rid of my Star Trek ringtones. I can’t seem to get it back after I somehow disabled the sound. The whole setting option has changed. UGH. Then my music was GONE! But luckily, it was only because it wasn’t recognizing the SD card. I had to remove it then reinstall it. I also updated my now spare phone. I then realized that when I changed my niece’s contact information, the number wasn’t in my phone. I just had to call to get the number. Felt weird having to call my number to get my number, lol.

I missed the ball game today. I kind of saw a few tweets that said we scored two runs to take the lead and I don’t know what happened after that. I would have the Red Sox on mobile notifications but they don’t tell me the score during the game and if they do, they use a stupid box around the number so I have no clue what it translates to. It annoys the fuck out of me.

I just put in my refills for my meds for the month. I have four. It would have been five but I don’t have refills left on one. I will pick it up Tuesday as I know the Invega won’t be in stock until then. I was going to shower today but damn foot is a wreck. No way I am standing for 10 minutes just to aggravate the sucker. I’ll be up all night in pain again. Part of the reason my pain was so bad last night was that the barometric pressure was 30.14. Hi pressure equals a lot of pain. I am hoping to have my grocery order in tomorrow. I want to make morning glory muffins. There is a lot of good stuff in it, coconuts, carrots, apples, raisins. I haven’t had this kind of muffin in a long time. I think the coffee shop at work had them every now and then. They were so good and big. I hope my muffins are big. Usually they are small and look like a cupcake. That will be the adventure this week. I’ll try and make them before Easter so we can have dessert. I think my sister will be making a ham. Not sure what my mother is making. I thought she was going to make Pizzelles but she ended up washing clothes instead. Maybe she doesn’t have enough ingredients or something. I don’t know.

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