Saturday Blog 7 July 18
This is just going to be free thoughts. Nothing really happened today other than I’ve had a migraine all day. It went away and then came back. My vision was blurred so I took meds before the pain hit then went to sleep.
I’ve been in a funk. I never made coffee today. I tried eating but with my bowels being backed up, it feels like it just sits in my stomach and I feel uncomfortable. I went early this morning after MiraLAX but didn’t go a lot. I still feel uncomfortable. It is hot in the house despite it being cool outside. I’ve been running the AC on energy saver so it shuts off every now and then. It is keeping the room cool.
I updated my apps, one of which was WordPress. They did a few changes. Notifications are now on the bottom rather than the top. And they have a new thing called activity. Not sure what the purpose of that is. Seems dumb. My stats are still all over the place. I am happy to get at least 22 or more a day. The other day I got more than 70 so I was happy. Some days are like that. You never know which blog is going to be read the most of if someone is just going to go through your blogs, stacking up the views for the day. It is fun to watch but can get addictive.
My mother washed the bathroom mat and it fell apart in the washer. It was a mess to clean up. I hope it didn’t wreck the filter or water hose with the debris. She had to use the vacuum to get the stuff out. I told her she should run a clean cycle but she didn’t listen to me. She never does.
I was going to cancel my psych’s appt but then I realized I need a refill on my mood stabilizer and it will be a bitch to get it if I cancel. UGH. I am just mad at her because I keep emailing her and she isn’t responding to anything I send her. Just tired of wasting my time. I don’t know why I bother to let her know what is going on if she can’t have the courtesy to respond even one word back, just to let me know a) she got my message and b) she cares. For all I know, it got sent to cyberspace and is still floating around there.
Sox are playing tonight. They won last night. They creamed KC. It was 8-0 by the 2nd inning. Everyone had a hit last night or two. Hope they can do the same tonight. Over Price is pitching tonight so who knows how the game is going to go. I can’t stand the guy. Wish he never came to Boston.
My mood has been all over the place. I was in pain with my ankle and head most of the day. I have no breakthrough meds anymore. I just been trying to sleep. I hope to get the meds sorted out on Monday. I just want to give up. I don’t know why I just don’t go through with it already. I could do it this week, if I wanted to. One of my “friends” on Twitter was saying that I don’t want to do it. Fuck you. That is like telling an alcoholic that is recovering who wants a drink that they shouldn’t even though they feel like they need one. People just don’t get suicidality at all, even if they are attempt survivors. Makes me kind of mad because where is the compassion?
I don’t want to talk about this right now but there will be a few explorations this week. I am not sure yet if this is the week or not. Guess we’ll just have to take it day by day and see how it goes.