still in a flare

Still in a flare

I’ve been in a flare the past several days. Ankle is being stabbed repeatedly along with the 3-5 metatarsals being crushed. I took some hydroxyzine last night and omg I can’t take the shit anymore. I am so hung over. I might as well have taken tequila. My head is still hurting, right where I whacked it the past few hours. I took some Tylenol. I haven’t eaten so haven’t taken ibuprofen or naproxen. I decided to give naproxen a try as it last longer, well is supposed to anyway. I still need to take something for the headaches. I also feel like I am coming down with something. Not sure what. I think it is bronchitis as been wheezing at times. I am not an asthmatic so the wheezing is usually because of infection. It’s not all the time though. I don’t have an inhaler. I could use my mother’s, though I am not sure how old it is. I had one the last time I got this kind of sick but no idea where I put the inhaler. Probably in my jacket pocket or something. Throat is sore from all the clearing of the throat and cough. I have to call my pcp tomorrow.

Been feeling really shitty mood wise. I sent my therapist an article about suicide that my friend wrote. I am actually supposed to meet with him sometime this week. Not sure it is going to happen. I am feeling suicidal and apparently, one of my blogs I wrote last week which said how I was going to do it. Being in a concussion and not remembering what the fuck I write, I sent this blog to my therapist. Fuck. I took out the incriminating piece so that it cannot be used against me. But I know she knows.

Because of the medication, I have been going on my own today though I am not 100% sure I am emptying my bladder when I go. I was not sleeping through the night because of the of bladder. I know I woke up at midnight all fucking confused and staring at the time, wondering why it was midnight. I have no idea what time I went to sleep. I know tonight I am just taking my meds and nothing more. If I do, it will just be melatonin. I’m almost maxed out on my pain meds for the day. Fucking hate that I can only take two a day when I am in a lot of fucking pain. I have to space it out or I just don’t get to take anything. Sometimes I can take two if it is at night but most of the times, my flares are during waking hours so have to take something to get through. Then pain is unbearable at night, causing me to be up all night or afraid to go to sleep because of increase pain upon lying down. But this concussion is making everything so much worse. I emailed my neurologist the other night, I think when I was up all night because I just couldn’t sleep. I went to bed around 7 am yesterday morning. Things have been foggy. And my damn mother has been calling me like crazy. Thank god I blocked her because her ringtone annoys me (yes that is why I have it LOL).

any thoughts?

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