Tag: baseball

Open-Hearted

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Open hearted

It’s the idea that you have to be open hearted to walk through life. You have to look for light. You have to know that those things that are going to keep you going, even if you feel unloved or broken hearted you have to keep your heart open & that’s the way to go forward. Mary Chapin Carpenter

I have been following Mary Chapin Carpenter since I was introduced to country music back in 1992. Her album that came out that year was Come On, Come On and it is one of my favorites. I found that she had other older albums but I just got the songs that were popular as I didn’t want to buy the tape (yes, cassette tape) just for that song. I have owned nearly every album since Come On, Come On. Mary Chapin just release a new album on March 30th. It has 1 new song and 12 songs previously recorded. However, one song was bugging me as I don’t remember hearing it, ever. I planned on doing some searching but today it came to light when she posted a link to an interview she did with the Inquirer. The song, Superman, was originally recorded for her album Time*Sex*Love but didn’t make the record. Mystery solved. As I continued reading the article, I found the quote above. Mary Chapin is a deep person as she is beautiful. She just turned 60 but she doesn’t look her age. I just love when I find these gems about her because she is not very keen on social media. She posts just stuff relating to her album or collaborations she is doing with other artists, usually female. She is the only artist where I saw in consecutive years when she came to Boston at what was then, the Fleet Pavilion. I have no idea what it is called now. Then she dropped off the face of the earth, which I later found out she suffered an embolism and was very depressed. Her album Age of Miracles talks about the depression a little bit. Some of those songs really touched me.

I spent the morning sleeping as I woke up in the afternoon. I woke up a few times but was quickly back to sleep. I think I only woke up because of my med alarm and my sister calling me. Then I pulled I will get up in five minutes around noon and fell back to sleep for an hour with my bladder saying if you don’t get up now, you will regret it. I got up. I wasn’t really hungry but figure I should eat so heated up a burrito. The game was on so I turned on the TV. They were down 2-0 at the top of the first but that quickly changed in the bottom of the 1st as they scored four runs. Then another inning the bases were loaded and Xander Bogaerts was up. He hit a grand salami, the first since 2016. The Sox was the only team last year not to record one grand slam all season. It was all that every fricken announcer talked about. In fact most times last season, they left the bases loaded. It was pathetic. So it was really good that X hit a home run. I was so fricken happy. He really has become a good hitter. I watched the rest of the game and the newest hitter, JD Martinez hit a 2 run shot. Then Devers hit his own home run. The Sox won 10-3. It was an awesome win!

Morning Glory Muffins and other things

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Morning Glory Muffins and other things

In case you missed the link for the recipe: https://www.kingarthurflour.com/recipes/morning-glory-muffins-recipe

I woke up at 5 in pain. My ankle was screaming. I took some meds and was just beside myself. The depression that I have been feeling is getting worse. I just feel so hopeless. I managed to go downstairs to use the bathroom and then have some breakfast as I was hungry. I made four waffles and a cup a tea. I was starting to get a little sleepy by the time the tea was cool enough to drink. I went back to sleep after I drank it.

I woke up around 11. I found out the ballgame was at 2 so wanted to make these dreaded muffins. I should have used a food processor to chop in hindsight. I stood for about an hour walking around my kitchen getting things and mixing and stuff. I realized when while I was mixing it the apples I cut up were too big and the carrots were shredded too long. Oh well. It was the first time making this recipe. The muffins would just be chunky. They have apples, carrots, walnuts, coconuts, and raisins. It is a nice hearty muffin. It came out good. Even my mother liked it, and she doesn’t usually like my baking.

I went up to my room to rest and listen to the game. It was like the 7th inning and there still was no score. Price, the pitcher, left and then the Rays scored after a 2 run home run. Then we tied it in the 9th. We ended up winning in the 12th. I was happy. It was the 6th game in a row that we won. Our record right now is 6-1. Tomorrow they are off. Saturday is a day game, Sunday probably as well. I am happy with my team. I wish Red Sox Nation would give JBJ, the centerfielder a break. We probably would have lost the game had he not been playing today as there were some pretty tough balls hit to him.

My ankle exploded sometime around 5 and then again around 7 when I went to put eyedrops in my eyes. Same pain that I have been having all day. I hope I can see my psych tomorrow. She will understand if I don’t make it but it takes forever to get another appointment. I really hope I sleep tonight and don’t wake up fucking early in the morning. I can’t even give myself a “bedtime” because it never happens. I have been trying to stay off my phone when I want to sleep. Only trouble is that the books that I have been reading have been on my Kindle so the no electronics rule is out the window. I really need to read more but it’s so hard when the pain makes my brain mush. I can only read a few lines, like Twitter. I mostly just read a few tweets and skip the rest because they don’t pertain to me. I hate retweets because some of them are so not relevant to what I like. But whatever. Some of it is good because it keeps me in the loop of what Dotard is up to.

painsomnia strikes yet again

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Painsomnia strikes yet again

I was up till 5 am again. I slept for about 3.5 hours, had something to eat, and then went back to sleep. I was knocked out as I didn’t hear my doorbell ring when my mother was looking for me. I had turned my phone off so I wouldn’t be disturbed. There were a few messages on my phone. My mother had left me a cryptic voicemail, with my uncle in the background.

I woke up with my shoulder hurting me. I was using it as a pillow and this time I think I did something because it is still hurting. I think I might have pinched a nerve. Just great. Hope it goes away.

Because I slept all day I didn’t make the muffins I want to make. Here is the recipe https://www.kingarthurflour.com/recipes/morning-glory-muffins-recipe

I also want to make my burritos. The freezer bags I bought came in today. I hope I sleep “normal” hours so I can wake up midmorning and make these things. I think I am going to make the burritos first as I want bacon in them. I also plan on putting three cheeses in them. They are really easy to make though I am not an expert burrito roller, yet. I tend to overfill the first one and then the last few have enough so they roll okay. I still can’t believe I spent $17 on these bags. There are a set of three 35 count bags. I think each would cost $5.66 each, which I guess is okay. I am not sure what they would be in the supermarket. I tried looking at Peapod and they had the 15 count on sale for $2.89 or something like that so maybe I did get a deal.

Sox are playing an hour early. I’m listening to the game now. Sox have a 1-0 lead right now. My favorite centerfielder, Jackie Bradley Jr. just made a great catch. I love him. He is such a good outfielder!

My foot is starting to hurt a bit. I apparently bought a compression thing that I can use for my foot and ankle. I hope that it fits and works. There was just a regular and large size so I chose regular as a medium usually fits me. I don’t know if with the swelling that is still the case. The ace brace that I have has an opening at the heel that ends up digging into me and causes me so much pain that I have to take it off.

My mother made pork chops for dinner. I didn’t like them but ate them anyway. I really want a couple of boil eggs and toast. I might have them after the game. Maybe that will stop my after midnight eating. I seem to have to want something after 2 am to get to sleep. Usually because it has been more than 8 hours since I last ate.

hope this isn’t another painsomnia night

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Hope this isn’t another Painsomnia night

Red Sox game ended a little after 2200. We won 7-3. I was worried about the first baseman, Ramirez as he missed the bag on a play and caused a runner to be safe. But then he made a few good plays so I worried a little less. Last year he rarely played first base except in interleague games, which this was and when he did, he wasn’t great at it.

Soon after the game ended and I went to settle in for the night, my foot and ankle bone flared like it did last night, at around the same time. I just wrote a message to my psychiatrist saying I was sick of the pain and might need a urologist. I would see my PCP but he hasn’t really gained my trust in his care for me. I feel like he just wants to pawn me off with whatever issue I have but be in the loop so he knows what is going on. I really don’t feel comfortable talking to him about this. I might see a urologist at another hospital. I found one that is female. She isn’t interested in neurourology but does have an interest in bladder dysfunction so I think that is close. If I am not up all night, I will call sometime tomorrow to set up an appointment. Hopefully I won’t need a medical referral to see her.

I am really tired. I took a strong pain pill so I hope it eases my pain soon. I really want to sleep. I took my meds around 1900, but if I have a flare, that doesn’t guarantee I will be asleep by midnight. It makes me so angry when my pain spikes. I really wanted to punch the hell out of my pillow but felt silly doing it. I don’t know why. No one is in my room but I feel like the voices will judge me. They watch me all the time and criticize everything I do.

I am so annoyed with my laptop when it doesn’t do what I want to do. Sometimes I am amazed I have flung it out the window or against the wall. Stupid thing. I still don’t know why I picked a small hard drive and a low RAM. I know the money was an issue and the price seemed right but I figured I could upgrade. HA that turned out to be a joke. I still need to call Dell and have them tell me what are the components of this piece of shit. It doesn’t match the manual at all. I don’t want to buy a hard drive and have it be something else I can’t use. I still need to sell my RAM that I bought. I figure $50 will be better than nothing. It is just a pain to post something on Amazon. But once it is done, it usually sells quickly. Then I am scrambling to the post office to mail it out.

If I am not up all night and I don’t have too much back pain, I hope to make muffins tomorrow. I’ve been wanting to make these for a while but just haven’t had the time to do it. I hope they come out good and big. I hate when muffins come out small. I really don’t know what the trick is to have muffin tops. But then I am not a good baker.