Luke Combs top songs
I wanted to get my favorite Luke Combs songs in my top 25 playlist so I created a playlist with just those songs I liked. Beautiful Crazy and One Number Away are already on there but the others aren’t, yet. My app keeps track on how many times I play a song (I have no idea how) but I think it is cool. I saw an episode of Bones where Angela found the favorite songs of a passed coworker and they played those songs at his funeral/wake. I can’t remember who died as it has been a while and I never completed my seasons collection, mostly because I ran out of money for it.
I’ve been having a pain filled day. Started when I woke up with someone hammering the fuck out of my ankle and foot. I took a BT med, even though I just took my extended release one a couple of hours ago. I couldn’t handle the pain as it was just intense. I laid in bed hoping I would go back to sleep but I was too irritated and my mother had the kitchen TV on which went through my head like nails on a chalkboard. I think I got a migraine too, as I was sensitive to light and sound. I took my migraine meds before the headache came. It was hot but not sweltering, yet. I made bacon and then wanted to make my lemon loaf, but after I cooked, my ankle felt worse and I knew if I pushed through, I would pay for it. I prepared the lemons anyway. I tried to do it while sitting but the kitchen table was too high for me to get enough leverage to squeeze the lemons. It took 6 lemons to make a cup of juice. I zested three and hope it is enough for the loaf and the lemon bars I want to make. I couldn’t sit anymore or stand to zest more than three. I put things away, washed what I used, cleaned up, and then went to my room. I was soaked with sweat and had to change my shirt. I turned the AC on and tried to relax but then my mother called saying she was making spaghetti for dinner. Good. But I wasn’t hungry. She called again when it was ready and I still didn’t have an appetite. Past two days I barely ate.
I finally moved my bowels today. After a week of not being able to go. I still plan on taking some Miralax tomorrow to make sure I go. I can’t get backed up again. It hurts too much. I had taken a bunch of fiber pills and usually they work within a few hours but I was so backed up, it wasn’t working. I also didn’t want colon blow as my ankle was bothering me. I hope it is better tomorrow. If I can time it right, I might be able to make the loaf in the morning before it gets 90 degrees or more in the kitchen. I’ve been wanting to make this lemon loaf for so damn long but the house has been too hot to bake. I wish I didn’t sleep all day yesterday but I am glad I did as I’ve been so worn down with pain and not sleeping. This week I have back to back to back appointments the end of the week. I hope to be able to do something the next few days. I wish my mother would put in an AC but she doesn’t like the cold air. She had the ceiling fan on and made me shut it off because she felt cold. I don’t get it. I really don’t. I need it to be cold or I just melt. Wish I lost weight in the process but that is a different story.
One the followers I follow on Twitter asked if anyone was interested in writing a book. I responded that I had two book out on depression and suicide. No response. Another follower response and a publishing company contacts her. I was heated. Like what am I, nothing? I wouldn’t mind another publisher to get out there. It is a self-publishing thing so I have to do the promoting myself. Hence why I have done shit since 2016 when I published Darkness Always Wins. I have just sold like 3 copies on the website and maybe 12 via signed copies. A few I gave away to friends so they could read what I wrote and give feedback (which I never got). One friend said I had a bunch of typos and offered to fix the document but never got back to me. I use word so I don’t know what typos she was talking about. I don’t use the grammar function as I talk like I speak and if Microsoft doesn’t like it, too bad. I miss writing other than my blog. I wish I could go back to my story that is in my head but I feel so suicidal that I don’t think it is worth it. I just feel that even if I write it, I doubt I would want to share it with the world. Hell, just writing one page was emotional for me and I couldn’t go on. That was back in February. Haven’t touched it since. I might have added somethings to the outline I am using but that is all. I don’t think I touched that since maybe March. That was when I gave up hope and writing and pretty much was set on killing myself sometime this year. Time is still moving and I am still here. I am not liking it, at all. So I just word vomit on my blogs and call it a day.
It’s the idea that you have to be open hearted to walk through life. You have to look for light. You have to know that those things that are going to keep you going, even if you feel unloved or broken hearted you have to keep your heart open & that’s the way to go forward. Mary Chapin Carpenter
I have been following Mary Chapin Carpenter since I was introduced to country music back in 1992. Her album that came out that year was Come On, Come On and it is one of my favorites. I found that she had other older albums but I just got the songs that were popular as I didn’t want to buy the tape (yes, cassette tape) just for that song. I have owned nearly every album since Come On, Come On. Mary Chapin just release a new album on March 30th. It has 1 new song and 12 songs previously recorded. However, one song was bugging me as I don’t remember hearing it, ever. I planned on doing some searching but today it came to light when she posted a link to an interview she did with the Inquirer. The song, Superman, was originally recorded for her album Time*Sex*Love but didn’t make the record. Mystery solved. As I continued reading the article, I found the quote above. Mary Chapin is a deep person as she is beautiful. She just turned 60 but she doesn’t look her age. I just love when I find these gems about her because she is not very keen on social media. She posts just stuff relating to her album or collaborations she is doing with other artists, usually female. She is the only artist where I saw in consecutive years when she came to Boston at what was then, the Fleet Pavilion. I have no idea what it is called now. Then she dropped off the face of the earth, which I later found out she suffered an embolism and was very depressed. Her album Age of Miracles talks about the depression a little bit. Some of those songs really touched me.
I spent the morning sleeping as I woke up in the afternoon. I woke up a few times but was quickly back to sleep. I think I only woke up because of my med alarm and my sister calling me. Then I pulled I will get up in five minutes around noon and fell back to sleep for an hour with my bladder saying if you don’t get up now, you will regret it. I got up. I wasn’t really hungry but figure I should eat so heated up a burrito. The game was on so I turned on the TV. They were down 2-0 at the top of the first but that quickly changed in the bottom of the 1st as they scored four runs. Then another inning the bases were loaded and Xander Bogaerts was up. He hit a grand salami, the first since 2016. The Sox was the only team last year not to record one grand slam all season. It was all that every fricken announcer talked about. In fact most times last season, they left the bases loaded. It was pathetic. So it was really good that X hit a home run. I was so fricken happy. He really has become a good hitter. I watched the rest of the game and the newest hitter, JD Martinez hit a 2 run shot. Then Devers hit his own home run. The Sox won 10-3. It was an awesome win!
Forgot how good country music is
I have been listening to the Country Countdown the last few hours with my favorite country artist, Hillary Scott. She is talking about her new album and her miscarriage that happened about a year ago. I feel so bad because it’s such a tragic thing to happen to women. I am glad that she was able to write a song about it to release the feelings associated with loss.
As I have been listening to the music, I have been feeling energized despite feeling tired. I want to buy the songs that I really like but thankfully I have no money in my account. I definitely going to get Blake Shelton’s new album and Sam Hunt’s song “You’re Gonna Miss Me”. I have to get Sam’s songs individually because there are some songs that I don’t like on his album. I am also contemplating getting Kelsea Ballerini’s Peter Pan. That song is really sweet. And I found another song that if I ever get married, the song by Dan and Shay is going to be it.
I was talking to one of my friends that has DID (dissociative identity disorder). We basically got caught up with our illnesses as it has been a while since we last talked. It was good talking to her again. I am glad she didn’t bring up that she wanted to have lunch. I really don’t want to meet up with her. She lives west of me and it’s kind of in the boonies of Massachusetts. I don’t think I can drive to where she is without getting lost so there is no point in meeting up.
I am glad the countdown will be over in about a half hour. I don’t think I can make it past midnight. My head is spinning though. I am feeling really hyper yet tired. It’s weird. I feel like I am sort of in a mixed state. I might have to take another trilafon to calm down.
Eric Church’s Lyrics
I have been listening to “Mr. Misunderstood” album for quite some time now. What I love about this album is the imagery in each song. Like in “Round here buzz” you can see him on top of the hood of his car, drinking. The football field where you can get a “higher high”, the bar that has a neon light out. I love songs like this. Plus the beat and melody gets you moving.
I won’t go through each song because I am too tired to go through each song and describe it. But one song that is very descriptive is his song “Mistress Named Music”. You can picture him in church listening to the piano as his feet is dangling off the pew because he is only five years old. This song is also one of my favorites. There isn’t a song on this album that I don’t like.
The least descriptive is probably “Chattanooga Lucy”. It could be that the song is too fast and I still haven’t grasped the lyrics to it. But it’s very upbeat and I like the melody.
I have been listening to this album for almost a month now. I just can’t stop listening to it. I added Adele’s 25 to the playlist. I feel like I broke sacrilege. Her music is very different from Church. It speaks more from the heart than say a tackle box and a fishing pole.
I have been thinking of sending my story to a friend of mine to read over and see if there are any major mistakes. I added some stuff yesterday so I am up to almost 1700 words. I want to get it up to at least 2000. It should be easy to write 300 words or so. I never should have stopped writing when I started the story. Lesson learned. The only reason I stopped was because it was 2 in the morning and I was getting really tired. The voices were yelling at me to get to sleep so it stopped me from continuing the story. I hate when that happens. The original work was around 500 words so I have worked on it considerably.
I still haven’t showered and it’s too late to have one. My shower likes to make this horrible noise after a while and if my sister is sleeping, I don’t want to wake her up. I will try and take one tomorrow morning. I don’t know why I am having such a hard time taking a damn shower. I guess I am depressed. There is no other explanation for it. I could say it’s laziness but it’s been so hard to get out of bed the past few days. It just has sucked. I know it’s mostly because I have been in horrendous pain and that always brings me down. The pain is still there but it’s in much less intensity.