Tag: chronic pain

Tired of pain taking away things I love

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, disability, mental illness, mood disorders, painsomnia, physical pain

Yesterday, I had a bad flare. I tried writing but after around 100 words, I was exhausted and couldn’t continue. I had therapy yesterday and for some reason my legs were really sore so walking was difficult. I thought it would get better as the day went on and I did my things but it only wore me out with each step I took.

I was in agony most of the night. I didn’t get to sleep till 4am. I kind of lost track of time as I was trying to find a tea kettle. I had made a cup of tea and the kettle we have is all rusted on the bottom, making things taste different. I told my mother and she refused to change the kettle and there is no way of getting the rust out.

I made coffee using spring water and saucepan. Coffee came out perfect. Then we had a t storm and I got a migraine with severe nausea. I still feel sick to my stomach. I didn’t think I was going to write today as I really am tired. I don’t know if my writing means anything to anyone. I’ve just been writing for me, because I like doing it. But after yesterday, it was the first time in over a year and a half that I didn’t write. I thought I might be able to write later but then it was after midnight so I just posted the pic of the pup. I might do that on days I am not up to writing more than a paragraph.

My writing means a lot to me. I have been pushing through tough days because I didn’t want to give in to chronic pain. Yesterday was the worst in a very long time. I usually am able to write how bad things are and yesterday, words just couldn’t come to me. I kept staring at the screen cursor wondering what to write next. My head just was filled with blankness.

Today was a little better. I slept most of the day, despite my med alarm going off to remind me to take my pain meds. It is really hot in my room though the temps have cooled off. I want to open the window but I still haven’t put in the screen. Maybe I will have my bro in law put in the AC and the screen. It kind of early but at least when it is humid, I can cool my room down. I cannot tolerate heat. As hot as it is in my room I have to keep my sheet covering my foot because the ceiling fan air hurts me.

If you are a daily reader, please like or comment if you can. I’d like to get an idea of who is reading. My stats aren’t really a good indication. Thanks and I am sorry for not posting yesterday.

beautiful crazy

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Beautiful Crazy

I follow Luke Combs on twitter since I fell in love with his song, Hurricane. He recently released a new song, Beautiful Crazy, which I absolutely love so much. It reminds me of my friend in Canada that I have known for the past 17 years. We are pretty close and talk nearly every day via Messenger or through other social media. We sometimes text but I do it rarely as I know it costs us money to send messages. I love her so much and she does drive me crazy in a beautiful way.

I’ve been in pain since 1430. I made coffee and some toast then as I was walking back to my room, stupid thing flared up. The coffee made me tired so I tried to nap and my ankle bone screamed. I should have made a cup of tea. But I wanted iced coffee so bad.

The Sox game just ended. They won 5-2. The Red Sox twitter account posted a tweet about Benny and the Betts after Benintendi scored Betts. I loved it. Benny is my boyfriend, lol. So is Vazquez. I really love them.

My mother dropped something in the kitchen and I sprinted down the stairs to see if she was okay. She was. As I was walking back to the stairs, my ankle gave out. I am in a lot of pain right now. Fuck. Had to take my strong pain pill for the second time today. Might have to take some magnesium as my shin muscles feel like they are going to cramp soon. I hate being in a flare. I am supposed to be going out with my family tomorrow as it’s Mother’s Day. I got my mother a gag gift. Duct tape. HAHA I got it for her because she has been asking me what I did with it. I have no idea so I got her a new one. HAHA. Hope she laughs. I also hope I am not in pain all damn night like I was last night.

a day where nothing went as planned

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

A day where nothing went as planned

I had Painsomnia last night. I think I fell asleep around 2 only to wake up around 4 because I was in pain again. I had shut off my ringer so any notifications wouldn’t disturb me. I missed taking my BP pill because I woke up around 1030. I was feeling okay and thought about canceling the Zipcar for the afternoon. I had breakfast and then came back to my room. I was still tired so laid down. PAIN! Guess I am not canceling the car to do my one errand.

I just stayed in bed until it was time to get dressed. My mother called me twice but I didn’t answer. I decided to wear my new sneakers as there wasn’t a lot of walking I would be doing. So I thought. I got dressed and put the sneakers on. They were tight because they were new. I couldn’t get the tongue centered to properly lace the sneaker. I gave up and left. I walked with my sweatshirt and jeans on because I thought it was cold out. It was anything but. By the time I reached the end of my block, I had to take off the sweatshirt. I got to the place where the car was supposed to be but all three zipcar spots were empty. I asked the guy if I had the right address and I did. I called Zipcar and the driver was stuck in traffic. It would be a half hour or so before he would be able to return the car. I told them to cancel the reservation. A bus was coming and even though I didn’t have my headphones, I would go into town.

The bus was a half hour late. The trains were packed. I was hurting as the sneakers were new and I wasn’t with a cane or wearing my AFO. I was getting annoyed. I decided when I got to my train stop, I was going to order Thai food. I did that and did my errand. My ankle is not happy. I was sweating by the time I was done. I stopped at CVS to get a bottle of water as I was so thirsty. I didn’t have time to get an iced coffee like I wanted.

Because the buses were late, I was able to catch the bus home. I was sweating so bad I had to shower after I ate. I couldn’t stand it. It was cold in the house because my mother didn’t open the doors or windows despite it being hot out. My ankle flared up after the shower. I tried to ignore it but lately, that hasn’t been helping me. I wanted to make a cup of tea but I knew if I did, it might wake me up and I wouldn’t sleep. Course, I might not sleep anyway due to pain.

My mother wants to go to a buffet style restaurant for Mother’s day which is this Sunday. My sisters had made reservations at another restaurant so they had to change it. I hope pain doesn’t prevent me from going.

another failed outing

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Another failed outing

I woke probably around 330 but was able to get back to sleep for an hour before pain was really hurting me. I took some pain meds and waited for the pain to go down. I had something to eat and then was able to return to slumber. Around 1030 I got up again. I needed to shower. My lower back was still hurting me as the temps never went beyond 60 degrees. The wind just made everything chilly. I forced myself to shower, hoping it would ease my back but it turned into a question of whether to shower or brush my teeth. I showered and then recouped in my room, my back cramping. I really didn’t want to go out but wanted to pick up my meds.

I let my phone and Bluetooth headset charge while I was showering. When they were ready, I hit the bus stop. My back didn’t like it but oh well. It was warmer than I thought it was, despite the cold wind. I had worn a medium weight shirt, which I took off when I got on the bus. I just walked in the door to Starbucks when my ankle flared. I ordered my drink and a bagel. Something went wrong with the cold brew thing so the barista got behind. I stood there waiting in a lot of pain. As soon as I sat down, I took a pain pill. I was hoping it would settle down but I knew sitting in a chair was not going to help me. I waited for about an hour, read one chapter of 1984, and then caught the bus home. Stupid allergies flared while walking home. There were these trees I walked by that soon as I caught the scent of the bloom, my nose was running. I was gagging with post nasal drip by the time I got to my house. I put the barrels in the driveway (it was trash day) and nearly hurled. I didn’t though. I waited for it to pass and then went in the house.

My postcards that I ordered came. I got the mail and then went upstairs to relax. The top of my foot and ankle were telling me off. I got a packet of postcards to write a personal message when my sister texted me saying she was ordering pizza. That was good because my mother was making pork chops and I kind of lost the taste for them. They are not my favorite meat. When I finished with the message, I went and saw my sister to show her the card. She immediately spotted a typo I didn’t catch! The whole 250 cards need to be redone. Do’h!! I need to reorder them correctly. I am hoping to add some words to the back of the card, even though that will cost extra. It will be worth it as I have chicken scratch handwriting.

I got a tweet from some “board certified therapist” trying to school me on a quote that I have pinned on Twitter page. She doesn’t know what she is getting into. I have over 20 years’ experience in suicide and at least 15 in research. She wants to have a discussion so I said bring it. We are working out a time to chat. HAHA. This will be fun.