Tag: complex regional pain syndrome

just so tired of it all

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Just so tired of it all

I tried to stay off my ankle most of the day but it’s next to impossible. I didn’t wear the boot while in the house. I was in pain but it wasn’t bad until I took a nap. Now it’s excruciating. I am just feeling really depressed today. I don’t want to do anything. I half want to email my psychiatrist that I am doing poorly, but what is she going to do? There is nothing she can do. I am tired of reaching out and getting no where.

I sent a message to my doc last night for clarification about my ankle bones. I still haven’t heard anything. Now I am wondering if I will. I don’t get what is the point of sending them messages if they don’t respond. Just annoys me.

I am going to try and go to the grocery store tomorrow and get the stuff I need to make the chili cornbread casserole. My barbers want me to make it again. I would have gotten the ingredients yesterday but I was hurting too much.

I’m not sure if I will hear the game tonight. Last night was explosive as they got into another fight. They haven’t announced suspensions yet but probably will later tonight. The media keeps saying the “rivalry” is back. So stupid. I don’t know if I can stay up for 3 or 4 hours. I am so tired from being in pain and just dealing with the depression. I don’t know why it is hitting me so hard this month.

insult to injury

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Insult to injury

Not having a good day. I fell asleep around 7 pm last night only to wake up at midnight and stay up till4 or so. I wasn’t in pain, I just couldn’t sleep. I had some waffles as it was close to 12 hours since I last ate and that seemed to settle me. I woke up when my med alarm went off, my foot was bothering me in the atrophied area. It felt like it was going to cramp but wouldn’t. I made breakfast. I was going to make some burritos but wasn’t feeling up to it. Standing was hurting me. I took a shower after I ate, which only aggravated my ankle/foot. I was still having intense pain so emailed my psych to see who to best to see. She said my PCP so I called the office. Of course my doc wasn’t available and I saw the nurse practitioner.

I played with my phone and decided to catch the bus so I could have my espresso and maybe write in my journal. I wore the walking boot because I couldn’t bear weight. It was good because any forward movement caused me pain. I was early when I got to my doctor’s office, though I had to wait an hour to be seen. I wasn’t thrilled about this. I wanted to do shopping but now it wasn’t likely as it was getting late. The NP examined me and said she thought I sprained a ligament. She said that I had weak ligaments because of my surgeries. I didn’t know what surgeries she was talking about as I never had ankle surgery. Just pissed me off. Then she said to ice and elevate it. You don’t use ice if you have CRPS. I said I would elevate it. I had to go down to X-Ray as she said I had pain on my bone (malleolus). She said she would send me a message when the results came in.

So I have a sprain and I am to be in the boot for a week. Just fucking great. It is going to wreck my back. The report of the X-Ray is that there is come changes to my medial malleolus not my lateral. I find this weird as my lateral malleolus (the one that is outward) hurts me more than my medial. It doesn’t make any sense unless the radiologist got it wrong. Going to ask them to look again because I don’t understand how I have pain in the opposite malleolus.

I then fiddled with my time until the Sox game. It got bad. The starting pitcher, Price gave up a lot of runs. Then the relievers did. The $31 Million dollar pitcher said he had a “sensation in his hand” causing him to pitch poorly. OK. There were benches cleared after an exchange of words during a second base play. I got tired of listening to one of the announcers on the radio that tends to piss me off regularly but I have to tolerate him because I can’t watch TV. I am in too much pain tonight to listen to him so shut off the radio. That is when the fun started. Sox scored some runs and it is now 8-6 evil empire in the 5th. And a friend just texted me the top of the 6th. Reliever gave up 2 runs. What a shitshow. I am going to bed. This day has been nothing but awful

Pain, not sleeping, and other things

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders, painsomnia

I was up till 3 slept for an hour and then got up a few hours later. I was so tired. I was having serious pain where I have the part of my ankle that lost muscle (atrophied). Nothing was really working and standing was not a good idea. I think around 2, I decided to put the compression sock I bought on. It took about an hour for it to decrease my pain enough so I could sleep.

When I got up around 10 or so, I had some mini wheat cereal. When I poured the cereal, it just made a mess and I overfilled the bowl. Great. I picked up what was on the floor and then cleaned off the counter where shredded wheat had dropped. I put almond milk in my cereal. It was good. A couple hours later, I got hungry again so made a tuna sandwich with carrots and celery. It was really good. I didn’t end up using all the tuna so I will have lunch tomorrow or maybe a midnight snack. One never knows.

I then slept for a while. My mother called me to say dinner was ready but I didn’t get up. I slept for another hour. The house smelled like cabbage. My mother had cooked it. I was going to try it but the smell was bad when I took off the lid. No, thanks. I just had the spaghetti my mother made.

Now I am hoping to listen to the ballgame. My ankle is kind of sore. I had to take the sock off as I felt it was too long that I had it on. I’ve been having minimal pain most of the day. Hope it stays that way.

Sleepy and Sad Day

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Sleepy and Sad day

I’ve been up since 0630 because I woke up with side effects from the Invega. I had spasticity and spaghetti arms. I took my pain meds, half an Ativan, and BP pill. I couldn’t go back to sleep because I was so uncomfortable. An hour later I decided I would go to Starbucks and maybe write as I had time to kill, plenty of time.

The bus was late so I didn’t get to Starbucks till after 0815. I was still groggy as I ordered my espresso and breakfast sandwich. I then wondered how I was going to pay for my meal when it dawned on me that I had to open the Starbucks app to pay. Duh. Did I mention I was sleepy? The espresso took longer than heating up my sandwich. There wasn’t many people waiting for their drinks so I don’t know why 5 shots of espresso took so long. As I reached the table where my stuff was, I almost poured my drink out as I put my bag on the floor. Yes, I didn’t put the cover on the reusable mug. Great day I am having. I ate my sandwich and played with my phone. One of my friends had posted a pic of a doc that “sent a letter to the president” about how a person in his ER had tattoos and was smoking brand name cigarettes. Then he said should my tax dollars go to this person because he was on Medicaid. I thought it was very judgmental. The doc in the picture was white. I can only assume the patient was a POC, but I could be wrong. I felt like saying why should the patient be denied health insurance because of what he smokes and that he or she gets tattoos? It really irked me.

I finished my breakfast and took out my journal and notebook. I opened the journal to write for a bit as there was some stuff I wanted to write. I kept glancing at my notebook, wondering what I should write. I was still wondering if I should continue with what I had or start something new. I am totally frozen with this. I know I have to solve it if I want this damn story on paper. Thing is, I wasn’t sure where I was going when I first wrote, so picking it up again might lead no where. I don’t know. I only wrote about a page so it can go anywhere. I just got to move forward some how.

I was getting sleepy. A couple of young people came in Starbucks looking for an outlet. They had another brand of coffee. The guy’s pants was almost to his knees. He had a large overcoat on which was basically preventing everyone from seeing his underwear. I guess they found an outlet to charge their phones. They sat at the opposite end of where I was sitting. I just missed the bus home. I was cold and wanted my bed. The wind made every thing colder. I had to wait an hour for the next bus so I just wrote in my journal.

I came home and tried to snooze but my mother was watching the Price is Right and it was fricken loud. I heard every bell and whistle plus the noise of the audience. It was difficult to sleep. I gave up around noon when the show ended. I had to leave in a half hour to catch the bus to see my therapist.

I brought my therapist some muffins and we talked, mostly about my father. His anniversary is at the end of the month. Hard to believe two years has gone by. I still remember everything the week he died. It all happened pretty fast. I got kind of sad but I was too tired to let it affect me. My therapist said I sounded groggy. I was. He will be off next week so I will see him the following week.

I came home and just wanted sleep. I was still very cold despite the temps going up 10 degrees from the morning. I read Twitter to try and find out about Xander Bogaerts as he hurt his ankle. There wasn’t any new news. I got into bed and for the first time, I wasn’t warm under my fleece blanket. I must have laid there for about 10-15 minutes when my lower leg from the knee down felt like it was going to cramp. I took the other half of Ativan so I wouldn’t cramp. I waited for it to try and settle and then tried laying down again. My ankle was hurting really bad but I didn’t want to sit up again to take pain meds. I was just getting settled when the door bell rang. My mother was screaming for me. I didn’t care. I wasn’t going downstairs. My foot and ankle hurt too much and I knew if I stood, it was going to flare. I don’t know why my mother didn’t just call me on the phone. It turned out to be my books that I ordered. Fricken UPS had rung the bell.

I checked Twitter after sleeping for about 1.5 hours. My stupid med alarm went off and scared me to death. I wanted to go back to sleep but knew it was going to go off again in forty-five minutes for my night meds. Then I heard Wheel of Fortune so got up. I desperately needed food as the only thing I had eaten was the sandwich from this morning. I had something to eat and found out about Bogey. He cracked his ankle bone. Great. That possibly means 4-8 weeks out. I hope he doesn’t need surgery. He will be out for the season. I feel really bad for him. He had hurt his ankle while chasing a foul ball near the Rays dugout yesterday. I hope he heals quick. I am sad to see him hurt like this the beginning of the season. He was really getting into a groove. I don’t know who will take over his position. It won’t be the same infield with him gone for a while.