Tag: complex regional pain syndrome

some good news, some pain, and other things

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, cauda equina syndrome, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Some good news, some pain, and other things

I woke up again around 3 am to pee but was able to get back to sleep. I honestly have no idea how I didn’t end up in the floor of my bathroom as I was catching myself going back to sleep while on the can. My med alarm went off at 0715 which I just changed to 0850. I took my meds and then dozed off, waiting for my mother to call to put her socks on. The call never came and I lightly slept. When I woke up at noon, I was totally disoriented to what the hell day it was. It was raining pretty good and the wind was splattering the rain against my window, which at times was startling me.

I went downstairs and found the stove dismantled. My mother was cleaning it. Guess making burritos or tea for that matter, wasn’t happening. I was kind of dizzy but wanted some food. I heated up the pancakes I made yesterday. They were okay for day old pancakes. I didn’t drink anything with it because I was too tired to get something to drink. I chugged some powerade when I went back to my room. I also took pain meds. I must have been on my bed for about an hour or so when the atrophied part of my ankle just went nuts. I hurt so bad, I cried. I kept thinking about killing myself. I just can’t go on like this. I wrote a post on Facebook about how animals are treated more humanely than humans.

I took some pain meds and the pain settled down. I wanted some lunch so made a pizza. I finally found the right temperature to make it crispy. I sort of forgot about it when the timer went off because my mother was busy with the stove and wanted me to put the things I bought her on the pilots. They are a removeable thing that makes cleaning up easier. I checked on my pizza and it was almost burnt so I got it just in time.

My mother was making chicken for dinner and I wanted to make the red potatoes I bought. I washed them and cut them up, ready for my mother to make them when she was making dinner. I then went back upstairs. I rested for a bit. I was suddenly drained. I felt like I had the flu but not really. I couldn’t believe how wiped I was. I wanted to sleep but knew my mother would call me soon as I got to sleep saying that supper was ready. It takes me at least 45 minutes to get to sleep. I was on my phone when a FB message came from someone I wasn’t friends with. The message was from a teacher asking if I was the author of Darkness Always Wins. A student of hers wanted to use one of my stories for prose. She was asking whether the work was fiction or not. I told her it wasn’t as it was based on my experiences of mental illness. She thanked me and said my work was touching. I was so flattered that a student in Texas read my book and wanted to expand on it. I have no idea if the student was high school or college level. I guess maybe high school. I didn’t ask as I was just happy someone liked my work. I haven’t sold many books but some of the writing is from my blogs.

My mother told me I had to clean up after dinner. Fuck. I was really dizzy and needed a cup of tea. I made a cup and my mother wanted coffee so I made her a cup as well. When I was done with my tea, I washed the dishes. Normally I don’t use the dishwasher but today I did as I didn’t feel like washing. That is what it is there for, right? I loaded it and then just washed the pans. I even put the utensils in the washer. HA, it was an easy clean up.

The baseball game for today was cancelled due to rain. There isn’t a game until tomorrow late night as they are on the west coast. I hate west coast games. Game time isn’t until 10 pm. I need to sleep so I probably won’t be listening if I drift off before then. We will be playing the Angels and our first game is with their new ace pitcher Ohtani. I don’t know where he is from but the static about him is fierce. I don’t remember who we have pitching tomorrow. I want to say Price but I could be wrong.

I think my experiment of splitting my meds is over. I can’t handle the dizziness anymore. So it will be back to “eating a meal”. I just wish my meds didn’t make me so bloated after taking them. It is like eating a meal after taking the 12 or so pills. I also need to vamp up my fiber tomorrow. It has been more than a few days since I had a bowel movement. I know it is partially my fault because I got things loose and then stopped the senna for a night. Now I can’t go at all. I had two doses of fiber yesterday and still nothing today. I would take the fiber tonight but one time it started to work at like midnight and then I was going until 2 in the morning. Not a good idea. Thank you CES for causing my bowels to become so unpredictable and to keep going. I hate when this happens. I won’t go for days and then when I do, I can’t stop. Make up your fricken mind, bowels!

feeling off and other things

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders, painsomnia

Feeling off and other things

I woke up in the middle of the night, again. I couldn’t go back to sleep right away so stayed up for a couple of hours. I went back to sleep some time around 5. My med alarm went off around 0730. I shut it off but didn’t take my meds. I just laid there and fell back to sleep. Then my mother called to put on her socks. I took my meds and went to her room. It was a little easier to put on the socks today than it was yesterday. I used the bathroom and then went back to my room to snooze for a bit. I was really tired.

I wanted to make pancakes and burritos. I started with the pancakes. They were good. I only made two of the four I made. I’ll probably have them tomorrow morning. I never made the burritos as I got really tired and dizzy like I was going to pass out. I told my mother not to call me for dinner as I wasn’t feeling well. She asked what was wrong and I told her I was dizzy and just out of it. Probably because I’ve had no sleep.

It was cold in my room and it took forever to get comfortable. I kept having to adjust my blankets. Then when I got comfortable, my pain spiked. For some reason, I got intense pain near my malleolus that made me cry out. I had such intense suicidal feelings. I felt like another 2 months was too long. I wanted to do it now! I don’t care. I can’t take this stupidity anymore. I had just taken a strong pain pill so after a while, the pain went away and I was able to sleep. I didn’t sleep long. My bladder was threatening to explode so I got up. I was still feeling awful.

I had dinner and watched the rest of the Sox game. We won 3-1. We still have the best record of 13-2 so far. I think it is quite amazing. I still want to go to a game before I die. I want to sit in the seats in the bleachers, section 37. I think those are the best seats because you can see the entire field and scoreboards. I want to be in the first few rows though, not up in the stands, only because of my mobility issues. I know the tickets will be expensive. I think when I last looked they were like $60 or more, depending where you sat. And that was just for one ticket! I remember when they used to be $8 for the same seats!

After I had dinner I was still feeling crappy so went up to my room. I did my med box for the week. I tried to settle down but pain once again shot up. I am so damn tired. I really want to sleep at least 6 hours straight with no interruptions. This sleeping every few hours shit has to stop. I don’t know why I am sleeping so lousy. Yes, I am in pain and that has been the main reason. I think being up most of the day yesterday really messed me up. I don’t like being up in the middle of the night either. I thought for sure I was going to sleep through the night because I was up all day. HA, that was a joke. Maybe I will take some mirtazapine tonight so it will knock me out. The Neurontin I think hasn’t been too effective in putting me to sleep. I also think it might be causing the dizziness because I am not sleeping it off. I won’t be taking it tonight. If I feel better tomorrow, then I can probably say the Neurontin is causing the dizziness for some reason. I don’t know why as I have been taking it for years at relatively the same dose. I only took 600 mg last night instead of 900 mg so not sure why I am so fricken crappy.

Other than seeing my psychiatrist on Friday, I have no other appts this week. Tuesday I need to go to my PCP’s office to get my scripts for my meds. I was thinking of getting my haircut but I am still on the fence about it. Depends on how I feel. I want to take a shower tonight. I think I will after I take my night meds. Maybe that will help me feel a little better.

two hour increments

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders, painsomnia

Two hour increments

I didn’t sleep at all last night. I slept every hour and then every two. I gave up around 0830 when my mother called me to put compression socks on her. She needs someone to help her put them on as they are really tight. I will be putting them on her until the swelling goes down, which could be forever. I don’t have much faith in these socks. I just took them off her because I didn’t want her to wake me up around 2030 when she went to bed. I am so fricken tired. I took my night meds really early because I didn’t want to wait till 1900.

I did a few errands today while wearing the boot. I brought my barbers the casserole. I brought my journal with me, hoping to write but I never did. I didn’t have the right pen. I am very particular when it comes to writing with pens. So I drank my espresso, just three shots today. Then I went into town to get my commuter rail tickets for Thursday as I will be heading south of Boston to have dinner with my friends. I hope my pain doesn’t interfere with this plan. I haven’t seen my friends in so long and really want to see them. It was kind of a mistake to go into town as there were a lot of people as this weekend is Marathon Monday. Boston goes crazy. I didn’t like that it was the weekend anyway because I had to wait for the train and bus. By the time I got back to the square, my back was aching me. Then the bus driver on the bus home was a lunatic. Kept speeding up to a stop and then slammed on the brakes. I had to hold on to stay in my seat the whole ride. I was not happy.

I came home with the intention of having lunch and then taking a nap. But I just couldn’t sleep. I dozed off for 2 hours and then my mother called me to tell me dinner was ready. I feel so sick from lack of sleep. My pain is awful. I just took some more pain meds. It’s getting close to the end of the month so I hope I have enough meds till Tuesday. I am not getting anywhere near Boston on Monday. It will be a mad house. I hate crowds. I have three friends running the marathon and another friend will be at the finish line volunteering.

I solved my fricken windows update issue by using an external hard drive. I am so glad it worked. I had to order a USB to USB wire as the one I had went AWOL. I tried looking in different places where I have assorted wires but no luck. Now that I have the new wire, I am sure it will turn up. Well, I thought I solved the issue but I didn’t. I searched online for answers and found that you can’t change the drive where windows downloads updates. Fucking jerks. I am so pissed off as there are like over 100 updates and I can’t install them because I have no space. I don’t understand how one fricken update needs 8GB of space. Like WTF. Why does it need so much space!!?? Pisses me off. I don’t know how they expected this piece of shit to run when it can’t download updates. I am so mad I wasted $300.

I think my night meds are making me awake. I was so tired before and now I am feeling energized. WTF. I hate when this happens. I still feel kind of groggy but my mother is watching games and they are really loud with the sounds. The TV is right under my bedroom. I loved when my mother used to watch TV while muted. She would just read the closed caption. It was great. But something happened and she couldn’t get it anymore on certain channels so I had to use the TV’s closed caption. Now the words are there with the damn sound. So fucking annoying. She has no clue how loud the TV is to normal hearing people. I usually have to wait until she goes to bed to get some sleep. I usually listen for her as she goes up the stairs anyway to make sure she doesn’t fall or something. That is my biggest fear. Her legs are really bothering her more and they are very swollen for whatever reason. I wish the doctors would give her a diuretic to bring the swelling down as the furosemide (Lasix) isn’t doing shit. She is still bruised from the fall she took in November. I told her to put heat on it but her doctor told her she was bruised forever so she won’t listen to me. She never does.

If I get some sleep tonight, maybe I can shower tomorrow. I really stink but my foot/ankle is hurting so damn bad that standing for 10 minutes is not going to happen. I should have done it before leaving the house today but I wasn’t thinking. I just wanted to drop the stuff off and then come home. HA, that didn’t happen. I haven’t had any caffeine since this morning. My British friend told me about a strong tea called Twinning Everyday. I really like it. The caffeine must be good on it because like coffee, it puts me to sleep after I drink it. HAHA. It is filling so I try not to drink more than one cup. This tea is full-bodied so has a rich taste to it compared to my Bigelow tea that I normally drink. I haven’t had coffee in a month now. The new coffee I bought is on the counter saying use me but I just can’t. I kind of lost my taste for coffee. I probably will get it back in a month or two. I got to check the half and half and see if it is still good. Maybe I will make coffee tomorrow and see if I can get back to drinking it rather than tea. I always swap one for the other.

too many activities today

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Too many activities today

I kind of forgot that my med alarm was set for like 0530 so I woke and it took me a little while to go back to sleep. I fell asleep when my mother went downstairs for breakfast. I woke up and was feeling okay. I wasn’t in a lot of pain so decided I was going to the grocery store to make the chili cornbread casserole.

I wore my boot. I also wore shorts as today was pretty warm. I tried to get crumpets but I didn’t see them. I’ll just have to order them on my monthly grocery order. I got the other ingredients and two dozen eggs. I was hurting but I was still okay. I had to let the frozen corn thaw so I went up to my room to print off the recipe. I was sweating as it was so damn warm. It’s only warm for today so I don’t mind. The temp is going to drop tomorrow and then more on Sunday. Monday is going to be raining. Fun.

I made the casserole. Then I made a frozen dinner as I had to cook the cornbread and couldn’t wait for it to come out. I figure I would have it for dinner. I cleaned up and washed the dishes. Then I went back upstairs. I must have been on the second or third step and my ankle said fuck you. I was hurting bad. My mother had taken the cane so I was stuck. No one was home. I just stood there like a flamingo trying not to put any weight on my foot and hoping the pain would settle down.

I eventually made it back up to my room, slowly. It was too early for me to take my pain meds. I just put my feet up and tried to relax so it wouldn’t hurt. Guess that shower I was hoping to take before bed is not happening. Tomorrow I need to bring the casserole to my barbers. I already called and told him. I might get a haircut. Depends on how I feel.