Tag: complex regional pain syndrome

dinner, baseball, and pain

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Dinner, Baseball, Pain

I went South of Boston tonight to have dinner with some really great friends. We had an awesome time and my friend’s kids are more engaging as they get older. The son is the oldest and he is a freshman. I still remember when he was born and held him in my arms! Now he is a mini man, with a moustache and slight beard. I could have cried today. My babies aren’t babies anymore! Even my little guy is going to be 24 this June.

I got home in time for the game. Mookie Betts hit a home run at his first at bat. This is the sixth time in a row we have scored in the first inning. I love this team. As long as everyone stays healthy, I think we are going to be a VERY good team. An umpire got hit with a foul ball and had to leave the game. It’s a delay of game while a covering umpire gets the gear on.

I will be listening to the game as I probably am going to be up the next few hours. I am in tired but I am also in a lot of pain. My ankle bone started hurting while I was at the restaurant. I had an alcoholic beverage so I couldn’t take a pain medication. I wanted to try the Moscow mule. I didn’t know it had ginger beer in it so asked to have it made with ginger ale instead. I have a sensitivity to ginger so didn’t want to chance it as ginger beer is not something I ever had. I know it has more ginger than ale does.

I think I am going to have to cancel my therapy appt for Monday. I don’t think I can walk to his office. Just getting around the last few days have really done a number on my legs. It hasn’t been helping my sprain at all. Resting hasn’t been easy. I am going to dread tomorrow as I need to see my psychiatrist in the morning. I am going to try and be in bed by 2, which hopefully will give me at least 6 hours of sleep as I know my mother will call me in the morning. She didn’t call me this morning because I wasn’t going to be home to take the socks off her. I don’t know why she didn’t want my sister to take them off her.

Irritable Wednesday

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

All day I’ve been in an irritable mood. My mother never called me to put on her socks. Then she got mad at me because I wanted pizza for supper and I left the house without telling her. I picked up my scripts and the person at Walgreens was slow as molasses even though she has been there for a few months. Then when she was checking me out, she was having a conversation with the pharmacist that obviously was more important. Pissed me off because I was in pain from standing up. I was wearing the boot and it was throwing my hips off. I was just in a lot of pain and just wanted to be home.

I get home and it smelled of chemicals from the roofers. I had an asthma attack. Then I felt dizzy from the smell even though I opened my window. I had to go to my sister’s to get some air. I never ordered pizza. My brother in law was telling me stories about how the place is going out of business. I have yet to hear anything. He just has been hearing things from people so who knows if it is true.

My mother opened the kitchen window but the house still smelled. I opened the window in the dining room and in the hallway. I just need to close them because it is going to fricken rain the next two days. Guess I won’t be wearing my boot because my foot will get soaked.

Because I won’t be home tomorrow, my mother doesn’t want to put on her socks. I won’t have a wake up call. Yay! I can sleep in. I hope anyway. Hope this irritablility goes away. I know it is because of pain and possibly the bipolar stuff. I rather just be depressed.

feeling overwhelmed

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Feeling overwhelmed

My mother had woken me up around 0830. I was so damn exhausted. I put the socks on her and didn’t get up till 3 pm. I hardly slept last night because I was so hyper. I wanted a cup of tea when I got up but didn’t want to chance it making me hyper again. My sister wanted me to check on her house to make sure my niece didn’t leave crumbs and stuff so I went downstairs to check and get the mail. My niece did leave a mess, which I cleaned up best I could. Then I made a cappuccino thing that my sister has. It is not really strong but has enough caffeine in it to prevent me getting a headache.

Because I woke up so late, there was no point in going in town to get my prescriptions. I was not happy. I just have enough to last me till tomorrow. I hope I sleep tonight because if I don’t, I am just going to go nuts. I had a break down earlier when I was reaching for support about what to do with my mother’s sock situation. I can’t be getting up after going to sleep between the hours of 3 and 7. I just end up sleeping all day and that means I can’t do stuff I need to do. It’s stressing me out that I have to be awake for her. I just hate that once again the responsibility of care of a parent falls to me because I don’t work. I think I am going to talk to my sister about it because I just can’t deal. It hasn’t even been a week yet and I am having such anxiety about sleeping through my mother’s phone call or her waking me up abruptly. The stress of it isn’t doing me any favors. My mother likes to be up early. I don’t. Never have. She knows this. I don’t know if she is trying to change the way I have been or what, but it isn’t going to work. I need my sleep as uninterrupted as possible.

I didn’t record the time I took my last dose of pain meds last night so I have no idea how long I went in between doses. I am not feeling sick or dizzy so that is good. I took them when I came back to my room after I had something to eat. I told my mother I just ate and she asked me why I always eat at 3. Because I am hungry?? I mean WTF. She is so unreal.

I hope I have no problems sleeping tonight. Sox game is on at fucking 2200 so really need to stay off social media so I am not up all night. A friend called a little while ago asking if I still plan on going out to dinner with him and my other friends south of Boston. I said as long as I don’t wake up in pain, I am going. Even then I might go anyways. I hate canceling last minute but sometimes I have to. I have an appt with my psychiatrist Friday morning so this is going to be fun how things play out. Seeing my psych on no sleep will be fantastic. HAHA not. She only had the morning available. I need to see her to see if she got in touch with the bozos trying to treat my pain. I have a feeling they didn’t get back to her or she would have told me. I had told her I give up so there is no point in trying to reach out to them. They are completely useless.

it sucks when the bipolar part of me comes out

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

It sucks when the Bipolar part of me comes out

Past few hours, I have been keyed up. My thoughts are racing. I am thinking of a million things to do at once. Around 2300, I decided to make burritos so I could have them in the morning. I made four and ate one. One burrito was pathetic as I didn’t put enough egg in it. I had fun making them. I thought it was a good distraction for my pain but I was wrong. Soon as I tried to settle down, my pain got bad. I listened to a podcast and that helped some.

I took some more pain meds and was going to turn in. I had to move my stupid pillow that likes to make a break for my nightstand. Somehow moving it caused my fricken ankle and foot to go berserk on me. Now I am in pain again. Glad I took my pain meds. If I could walk, I would probably go for one right now because I just need to burn off this energy influx that I have. I hate when my Bipolar part of me gets activated. I probably will be feeling up for a day or so and then crash like I always do. I know not sleeping the past few nights caused this to happen. Also this time of year.

It’s so weird because it’s like my mood took a complete 180. The other night I was swimming in despair and now I feel on cloud nine. I am in pain but it isn’t quite affecting my mood so much. I can handle it a little bit better. Yet I still want to end my life. I am just trying not to dwell on it so much right now because things have shifted. I know it is temporary. I will probably feel like shit tomorrow and not want to get out of bed. I need to go into town though. I have to get my meds squared away. Fricken hate this sometimes but it is a necessary evil.

I feel like having another cup of tea but I know if I do, I probably won’t sleep at all. I really am on a tea kick. I don’t know why. I should make coffee tomorrow and see if I can drink it. I have been wanting to see if I could drink it but I am not sure. I think the new French press might have changed the way the coffee tastes. It has a new filter so the right amount of coffee is being filtered. I am just wondering if it is taking the flavor away as well. Or maybe I am not using the right amount of water. I don’t know. I had it down pat the water to coffee ratio. Now I think I have to adjust because it is a new press. Maybe I am off by an ounce or something. I hate playing with it. I wish the beaker had markings on it saying how much water you are putting in. I have just been going by the wordings on the container. Not a good measure, I know. But on my old one, that was how I knew I put just the right amount of water to coffee.

I just emailed my psych telling her I am hypomanic. I told her I don’t expect it to last. Thank fucking god I don’t get paid this week. God only knows what shit I would buy from Amazon. One of the Twitter people I follow had an Amazon suggestion for a pine coffin. HOLY SHIT! That is all I need to know. I can build my own coffin! I want a pine coffin anyway. I don’t need the fancy shit. Just put me in the box and then in the furnace. It said it was good for cremations. It was $600 though. I don’t have that much dough left over after I pay all my bills. If I skim, I usually have around $200 or so. I am trying to lower my grocery order to less than $150. I want to make cauliflower buffalo bites so need the ingredients for it. I think my mother and I will like it. I am just worried the stuff is not going to stick to it because according to the directions, all it needs is water on the cauliflower and then you dip it in flour and then flax seed. I don’t know if there is more to it than that. I had the recipe up but I had to restart my laptop because it was being a fink. I will be so damn happy when my other laptop gets fixed. Then I can shove this POS in the toilet. Actually, probably not as I don’t want to wreck the plumbing.

My ankle and foot are really fucking hurting me. Making those burritos was not a good idea, even though my belly is happy. I need more picante sauce. I had to order it. I just hope I have enough until next week. If not, I know Walgreens has it. I can pick it up later today when I go out, which might be in twelve hours from now. Fucking fuck. IF I get to sleep. I bet my mother is going to fucking call at 8 asking me to put on her socks. I hate doing it only because you have to wear these thick gloves that have special contacts on them to make putting on the socks easier. They do help so the sock doesn’t slip so easily. But they are so damn tight and hard to take off. Putting them on is hard too.

The podcast I heard tonight was Terri Clark and Sara Evans, two country music artists. They were talking about how females were basically being shut out of commercial country and they are. All you hear on the radio are male artist and that bitch Miranda Lambert, who got all the fricken female awards at the ACMs. Carrie Underwood is big but Miranda is a slimeball. In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t like her much. She just looks like a bitch. I miss the radio days where you did hear Terri, Sara, Martina McBride, Mary Chapin Carpenter, and others from the 90s. Maybe I am just an oldie. But their music was good and made you get into a groove. I like the male artists but like Terri and Sara was saying, they all sound the same. And they do. They don’t have a distinctive voice like Chris Stapleton or George Jones. Tim McGraw has come a long way but he is moving toward pop like the rest of them. Taylor I can’t say. I will love her always, even though her videos are like WTF. She has moved to pop, too though she is trying to go back to country, so they say. I think she will have some competition with bitch face Lambert. I heard she is doing something with Sugarland. That will be interesting because Jennifer Nettles and Kristain Bush are wonderful songwriters. I really can’t wait for their album but I think it will come out after I am gone. Even country radio has changed. I started listening to WKLB in 1993 when they first aired. They had many personalities and the only one that has remained throughout the years has been Carolyn Kruse. She is a sweetheart. I was sad to see Lori Grande, Keith Stephens, JW, and Steve Kelly leave. I don’t know if they were fired or left voluntarily because their contracts were up. We’ll probably never know. I know a lot of their fans were hurt. I know that if Kruser leaves, I won’t listen to the station anymore, which will kind of stink because I won’t know new music coming out from new artists. I follow a lot of my favorite artists so I keep a float with their new stuff. But the others, like Cam, I would probably miss if it weren’t for the radio. I found out Cam came out a couple of years ago. She had a Grammy for her song Burning House. I never knew that.