Tag: complex regional pain syndrome

Sunday Blog 29

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Sunday Blog 29

My mother woke me up as she needed help opening some cans of tomatoes for the sauce she was going to make. I opened one can and it splatted on me. Later I learned that it also splattered on the ceiling, which my mother was not happy about. I just laughed because our ceiling is pretty high so it must have been a very high splat! I tried getting it off with a long pole my mother had but couldn’t get the right amount of effort to take it off as it had dried. I’m hoping my brother in law can take it off.

I made coffee and had some meatballs that my mother made. I also had some chicken breast deli meat and cheese that I bought yesterday as I drank my coffee. I didn’t realize that the deli guy had given me a half pound of meat. I don’t think I am going to eat all that. I had wanted just a quarter of a pound. It’s good so I will try and eat a little every day until it’s gone.

I came upstairs with the rest of my coffee and pondered on what to do. I felt like reading but didn’t know what. I decided to read the book about Maya the bee that my friend had given me. It’s a cute little story. I read three chapters. I will read more later.

My mother is making lasagna for supper. She must have used like 8 cans of tomatoes for the sauce so she needs to use it up. She put a lot of meat in it. There are meatballs, sausages, and pork ribs. I don’t know if there are other types. Those are the ones that I saw on the counter yesterday.

I bought new music over the past few days. I just bought individual songs rather than albums. One song, “wanna be your song” has been in my head all day so now I have it on repeat. There is just something about it that makes me want to listen to it again and again.

A friend in Canada sent me a private message on Facebook. We have been friends for some time now and she is going through a difficult period right now as her EBV (Epstein-Barr Virus) has resurfaced and is making her quite ill. She needed someone to talk to so she called me through Facebook. We talked for a couple hours until she felt sleepy. She is just feeling really depressed because her illness is making her feel like crap and she is sleepy all the time as well as dizzy. She asked me about how does therapy work and I explained it as best I could. I think she would benefit from CBT and told her so. I hope she looks into it and finds a therapist.

Sox lost. They ended their six game win streak, their longest of the season. Porcello (pitcher) got no run support, at all. Can’t win games without scoring.

tired from doing nothing

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Tired from doing nothing

I have no plans for the day other than resting my ankles as I did too much yesterday. I was in a lot of pain last night and felt really hopeless. I turned to a friend that I thought would be supportive as she also suffers from chronic pain and mental illness. Instead, she hurt my feelings by telling me to “stop it”. It’s like she didn’t want to hear that I was struggling. I said I was sorry to bother her and good night. This lead to a bunch of text messages saying to talk to her. After the third text, I texted back. I didn’t tell her she hurt my feelings. I am not going to talk to her today and I know next time I feel hopeless, not to call on her. It’s not worth being basically told to shut up about how you feel.

I got up this morning and my pain levels were down. I felt a little better but still feeling hopeless and defeated. I emailed my psychiatrist about my mood. I was going to go back to bed but decided to make coffee. My mother wasn’t feeling well so didn’t go down to my Aunt’s house. It was still raining when I went downstairs and very cold. I made my coffee and chatted lightly with my mother. She noticed my haircut and gave me the look of disappointment. I loved it. She always has something to say about my haircuts being short and this one is really shorter than I usually get it. I told her I would make lunch. I asked her if she wanted ribs and she said ok. My mouth was watering. I couldn’t wait to make lunch.

It was finally time to make lunch and my mother liked the ribs, though she said they were “spicy”. I told her they weren’t bad for $6 compare to the higher quality ribs of $17. After lunch we had some cheesecake. I felt really full. I told my mother I would make hot dogs for supper. She asked why I was making food for her as it wasn’t a special occasion. I told her my pain levels were down, even though I felt dog tired. I really like having hot dogs for dinner. I bought rolls for them so I am happy about that.

After lunch, I went up to my room and it was like a freight train hit me. I was so damn tired I needed a nap. But I still haven’t slept. I just can’t get comfortable and my brain won’t shut off. It keeps going around and around thinking of stuff to do but not wanting to do it. My pain came back a little while ago so I took my pain meds for the first time today, just my regular pain meds as the pain isn’t too severe.

I guess I am still recovering from yesterday as I am so tired today. I really don’t want to do anything but read Facebook and Twitter, which hasn’t been good. Most of the stories on Twitter have been about trump or the guy in Montana that body slammed a reporter. I still can’t believe he got elected but I blame trump because he called the media “an enemy of the people” so his supporters believe that shit. It makes me so mad because if a Dem did the same thing the repubs are doing, they would be treated much differently. It’s sick and twisted. So I have turned to Facebook. I had posted that I was having a hard time and if people could show me their pet pics that would be good. My friends complied. I was happy for a little while. Then a dear friend sent me cat videos and I got engaged in that for a bit. They are funny characters. I love cats.

With all this rain we are having, it has flared up my lower back. It hasn’t been incapacitating, thank god, but I am sore. I know we need the rain and I can’t wait for it to stop so my back will be okay again. I need to change my sheets and I can’t do it with my sore back. It will only aggravate it more. Next week is supposed to be better weather and warmer.

My Achilles is feeling much better today, even though it’s still swollen. I don’t care as long as it’s not hurting. It’s the worst type of pain. I am just glad ibuprofen took care of it last night. I was going out of my tree last night with pain. I was up till after midnight talking with my non-supportive friend. We were talking about random shit. She wants me to see the chief of podiatry at one of the small local hospitals. I don’t think a podiatrist will help me. I have a friend that works at the hospital and she is going to give me the name of an Achilles specialist there, which is what I need. I know that if they just get rid of the damn lump, my pain will decrease. I think it’s because it rubs against the tendon and that is what is causing me pain.

Tomorrow I am going to start typing the high school paper that I wrote. It will probably take me all day because I am not a fast typer when it comes to reading the paper and typing it up. I am going to try and see if WordPress will allow me to change the font to comic sans. I think it will be cool to have an old paper in that font. I just hope I don’t have to pay for that feature. If not, Times new Roman it is, or whatever font WordPress publishes.

a rainy but good day despite pain

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

A rainy but good day despite pain

I almost slept through my grocery delivery because they were early by 15 minutes. I put the things away but by the time I was done I was exhausted and missed the bus to the Square. I wish I had just hurried to catch it as the idiotic mothers with huge strollers were on the next bus. I can’t stand them because they each take up two seats in the front, which is dedicated to disabled persons and elderly. Just pisses me off because if there are people sitting there, they ask them to move, which I think is very rude.

I got to the Square and got my haircut. I really like it because other than the top, I have no hair! The barber did an awesome job. I then went to Starbucks for something to eat and to work on my blog project that I am procrastinating on. While talking to my niece about it, I realized it’s because it takes me a while to digest the information I read because I am not familiar with the concepts. If it was cut and dry, it might be easier but it’s not. I wrote up the two chapters I read and was going to read the next chapter but I just couldn’t. I had started journaling when I realized I had to go to my PCP’s office to get my prescription. I had forgot about it. I didn’t want to go out tomorrow because the weather is supposed to be just as crappy. I just want a day to do nothing.

I got to another Square after the PCP to meet my niece for dinner at the Indian restaurant. She wanted to walk, in the rain, to the place. I knew where it was sorta. I still think Harvard was closer but whatever. We walked and my Achilles cried. The food was excellent and I met the manager or owner and he gave us a free dessert. It was some kind of fried dough that was really sweet and rice pudding, which was also sweet but not as sweet as the dough. I had a little of each as I was full off the Masala. I will definitely be going back there!

While I was waiting for my niece, there was a Sprint store and I went there to check out the phone I wanted to get. Turns out it was a lower grade than even the model that I have now and so I won’t be getting it even though it’s cheaper than the new Galaxy S7. My contract expires Saturday. Next month I think I will decide to change plans and upgrade. I am going to try and lower my bill first as I am not in a contract anymore. If it doesn’t work out, I will get a new phone, which will still lower my bill. I will go through the store though so I can get my apps transferred to the new phone.

My niece called one of the taxi services so we didn’t have to take public transportation home. I couldn’t walk to the station as I was beat. The driver dropped me off at Walgreens so I could get my prescription filled. I rested my ankles while waiting for it to be filled. When it was ready, I went to look for wipes as my mother had told me they had them for a $1. I found the rack near the clearance rack and found two composition books for less than $2. Score. I have a composition notebook fetish or something. I just love these notebooks for some reason. I have plenty of them, but like my pens, I always want more!

and so a chapter ends

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

And so the chapter ends

I woke up really early in the morning and had a difficult time getting back to sleep. It made me not want to get out of bed when it was time to get the Zipcar. It was warm and I wore jeans instead of shorts. I was sweating really bad by the time I got to the car and quickly put the AC on. I went to Starbucks for my espresso and left.

There was traffic on the highway but I didn’t care. I had enough time on the car and my therapist wasn’t specific about me being there on time. When I got to her town, I went to Walmart to buy some PJs and some shorts. I wanted to find Sox hats for my friend’s kids but they didn’t have them. I will have to look at another store.

As I drove to her office, I thought about this being the last time I would be out this way, that this would be the last time taking route 9. I also thought about all the sessions I had out there and on the phone. I wondered how many boxes there would be after 16 years of therapy. I brought a dolly just in case there were a lot. Turns out there were two, a heavy one that I guessed was my journals and books and a lighter one that had my stuffed bears.

I took the highway home and there was traffic. The Mass highway had taken down the tolls so it was just lanes anywhere they could put them, which made for hazardous driving. The speed limit was 55 mph all the way, sometime lower in some areas or if you got behind grandma Moses.

Luckily my niece was home so she helped me bring up one of the boxes so I didn’t have to make several trips. I opened the boxes when I got home and things that I had forgotten about where there. It brought back memories of the beginning, middle, and end. I had given her a lot of my writing, including a book that I was published in by the Boston Public Library back in high school. I also had given her “The Gus Chronicles”, which is about an abused kid going through the foster system. I had to read it for one of my psych classes in college. I was wondering where that book went to. Now I can read it again.

I am glad I have my stuffed bears back. One is a 3 foot bear, not kidding. He took up half the hospital bed with me when I had my first surgery 16 years ago. I had to put him on a chair so I could sleep comfortably. The other two are smaller ones that Starbucks had put out. They are called Bearistas. I was collecting them until they stopped putting them out. It was fun.

I came home with a half hour to spare to return the car so I rested a little bit. The driving was not good for my Achilles and I was sore. I was kind of shaking and realized I hadn’t had anything to eat all day other than my espresso. I decided to return the car, drop something at the post office, and then have some pizza at my favorite place. I put $5 in my pocket with my phone, which was a mistake. I pulled my phone out and the money went bye-bye. I had to stop at the ATM for some cash. It was no big deal as I needed to go to the ATM anyway. I want to get a haircut tomorrow.

I walked home from the pizza place and got hit with allergies. I started sneezing really bad. My allergies have been bad all day as the post nasal drip has really irritated my throat and my nose keeps running. I hate allergy season.