Struggling to stay awake
Since Saturday, I have been in a funk. I have been really tired, more so than usual. I don’t know if it is the depression that is causing me to feel this way or if it is just my body reacting to PT and having a fit. I avoided a nap but I showered and it flared up my back pretty bad. Here it is hours later and I am still hurting and cramping. I just took some Ativan to try and calm things down as the Zanaflex didn’t do anything but make me more tired.
I had therapy yesterday and I wished I didn’t. It didn’t go so well and frankly I am tired of trying to put an effort into it. My therapist said that she feels she is doing the work. I am just so exhausted I don’t want to do anything. She wanted me to set some goal for the week and I didn’t want to so she got pissed. I don’t think this is working out for me anymore. She is just too strict in trying to get me to talk and I don’t feel like talking some days. Maybe I should cancel when I don’t feel like talking. I don’t know. It has me feeling bad. I feel like I am disappointing her. I just sent her a message asking her if she wants me to cancel therapy on days I don’t feel like talking. I told her this exhaustion has been consuming me so much all I want to do is sleep.
I have made an appointment with the pain psychologist for another session. I am meeting with her tomorrow. This should be interesting as I don’t feel like doing goals in my regular therapy sessions and here I am trying to do that with this person. I feel like it has disaster written all over it before I even begin.
Today is the 16th anniversary of the Sox winning the World Series for the first time in 86 years. The pitcher who won the game’s last out showed the video clip of the play. It felt so good to see it again. I can watch it several times and it will always bring tears and joy to my heart. It was such an awesome game. I remember watching it and thinking omg there is just one more out and the Sox will win. Then Renteria hit the ball back to Foulke and game over. I sat there watching the players clobber one another for at least five minutes before realizing they won. I was so shocked and awed. It was such a glorious series. Beating the Skankees was the best. Those long games that were torture but ended in victory. Sox Nation didn’t sleep well the entire series. Not until the final prize was won. And then we did celebrate with duck boats and parades.
In addition to feeling tired the past few days, I have also been feeling like my ears are blocked. I just get this pressure in my head and my right ear feels like this humming noise, like a motor running. I don’t have the ceiling fan going so I am not sure what the noise is. I have been thinking of making an appointment with my pcp to get checked out but I am not sure he is seeing patients or not. If I still feel this way by Thursday I will call the office and see what he is doing for patient care. I can have a virtual visit but that is kind of hard to see my ear canal to see what is going on.