Tag: complex regional pain syndrome

Errand Filled Friday

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Errand filled Friday

I had a good sleep despite waking up in the middle of the night, again. I was able to go back to sleep, though I did ponder staying up and going to Starbucks at like 0400. They don’t open till 0530 so I would have had to wait and I didn’t feel like waiting so luckily I went back to sleep. When I did wake up around 0930, I used the bathroom and then brushed my teeth. I got ready to go out and catch the 0950 bus. I decided to have breakfast at Starbucks and write for a little bit before doing my errands.

The first place I went to was the PCP’s office to pick up my prescription. It was warm when I left the house but was getting cooler as time went on and the sun went away. While waiting for the train, I decided to start reading a CBT book on suicide attempt prevention. I plan on writing a review about it when I am finished. I should be done this weekend as it’s a short book and easy reading. The terms are a little complicated but are used consistently so it’s easy to follow along.

I got off at Central Square to check out where the therapist office was. It was a little farther from the station than I thought but definitely doable for me. There are plenty of benches along the way so if I get tired, I can rest. I just need to make sure I leave myself some time to walk to the building. It should take me about fifteen minutes or so to walk at a good pace. I was hurting by the time I made it back to the station and had to rest on the said benches. My back was hurting me from the weight of my bag for some reason. I might have to empty it out to see what is causing it to be so heavy. I have only a few things in it so I don’t know why it’s heavy or feels like it is. Some days it is and other days it’s not. I think it depends on my fatigue level.

I rested then caught the train back to my Square and went to the butcher shop to get my burgers. They were cheaper than the last time I bought them, which was good. I think I got 6 burgers for 6 bucks. They may be too big for the rolls I have. After this errand, I went and waited for the bus and read my book. I then went to Walgreens to fill my prescription. They didn’t have a long wait so I waited for them to fill it. I was getting really hungry by the time I came home. My ankle was hurting me, too. It was already fatigued by the time I reached the bus stop. If I didn’t have my AFO on, I would have been dragging my ankle and would not have gone to the butcher’s shop.

I am waiting for pain meds to kick in before I make my burger. I am really hungry but it will really hurt me to try and cook with my ankle hurting the way it is right now. I checked my email and my psychiatrist responded to my email. I had asked her if I should make a history sheet for the new therapist to get the suicidality out of the way so I don’t scare him off. She said see if I like him first. I thought that was good and replied saying so. If I don’t like him, there won’t be a point if suicide scares him or not. I’m kind of nervous that I will have to “teach” him suicidology and how I handle my suicidality in therapy. He might have a different approach, which I will be open to as long as we work together on it.

I’m feeling really fatigued from all the running around I did today. Last night I lowered the heat so my room didn’t become a sauna every single time the radiator came on. Now my room is cold but I am not turning the heat up. I will just had layers and for the first time all winter, I turned off the ceiling fan. My mother thinks I am going through the “change” because I have been so damn hot lately. No, it’s because the heat in my room is making me crazy. My room is the hottest because I keep my door closed 90% of the time. The heat was making me feel sick. I don’t tolerate it well since having my nerve injury.

rough rainy day

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Rough rainy day

Seems the weather is playing a role with me having migraines. It’s been raining on and off all day, with downpours at times. My head just exploded about two hours ago. I should have known something was going to happen when I got a pain in my neck. My migraines are so unpredictable. I never know when I am going to get one. Sucks.

I called the male psychologist in Cambridge again. I found a different number for him so I called it. He returned my call and I have an appointment with him on Monday. I hope it works out. Seems like a nice guy and he takes my insurance. I just hope my suicidal history doesn’t freak him out and he refers me to another therapist. I will be so upset. I also hope he is collaborative because I don’t like therapists that aren’t. Wish me luck.

I didn’t do much today. I mostly rested my ankle. I woke up at 0300 in pain so it took me a while to get back to sleep. Then I woke up 45 mins later. Fucking sucked. I took a shower and that seemed to help me get back to sleep. I wanted to make pancakes but I had no energy. I just had cereal.

My PCP’s office called and my prescription is ready for pick up. I will go tomorrow. I also plan on buying hamburgers so I can have my burger. I have been craving one, a homemade one. I really want to use my Dijon mustard. It will be yummy. I will also scout the area where this new therapist is to make sure I know where to go. I have a general idea where the building is but I want to make sure so I don’t waste time. It’s been a long time since I been in that part of Cambridge. I used to go there a lot during my teenage years as I went to a church there. This was before my suicide attempt. Then I cut the church going altogether. I was mad at God with how things were going in my life at the time. I kind of made peace with him after my diagnosis with Cauda Equina Syndrome. I talked to a priest while I was in the hospital and it helped to sort things out.

And the rain has progressed to thunderstorms. Just lovely. My head is going to explode from the noise. I really don’t feel well. I had to take a Zofran to stop the nausea as my stomach was doing flip flops. My headache was clearing up but is back again from the pressure of the storm. My ankle/foot is hurting big time as well. So I am hurting head to toe, so to speak. Going to be an early night for me. I will be taking my night time meds soon and hopefully be asleep before 2100.

ankle has filed for divorce

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Ankle has filed for divorce

I am thinking of renaming my blog, Ankle demons, as I seem to write more about my CRPS ankle than about my mood lately or being suicidal. Anyways, my brother in law took my old foam topper off my bed and I placed the new one on by myself. It wasn’t that hard but it took some spoons. I then put sheets on my bed which took more spoons. By the time I was done, I was hurting but there was still more I had to do.

I had two boxes that needed to go out to the recycle bin as tonight was trash night. I also took my dirty sheets down and washed them. I washed and dried my comforter. By the time I got back to my room and placed the comforter on my bed, my ankle filed divorce. It is hurting me so bad right now. I can’t even describe the pain. It’s blinding pain. I just hope I don’t have to go to the bathroom because it really won’t like going up and down stairs one more time. I am thinking of wearing a diaper but am scared it will leak through. I don’t think I can pee in a diaper anyways but the thought has crossed my mind.

While changing my pillow cases, I noticed some holes in my favorite pillow. The two pillows that have been on my bed have lasted through a lot of years. I think it’s time to get new pillows. I have to be careful though because I bought a nice “firm” pillow one time and it shrunk to nothing within a week. It became so flat I couldn’t sleep on it anymore. I might as well just sleep without one. That will be next month’s expense. I already went over my budget this month with buying new sheets and the topper.

I should be listening to the ball game going on but I am so damn tired and in so much pain that it’s just not happening. I am checking the score though. It was scoreless at the bottom of the 3rd. The new guy Sale is pitching. Hope he lives up to the hype people have been giving him. The Boston Bruins (hockey team) have made it to the playoffs. Normally I don’t give a shit but this means they have playoff games which in turn means the baseball game is switched to another channel. I hate that. It doesn’t matter if I am listening to the radio because the station won’t change but if I want to watch the game, I need to pay attention to the hockey schedule, which sucks because I am not a hockey fan. The only thing I know about hockey is they need to place the puck in the net. End of story. Don’t care about anything else in between.

I hope tomorrow I am not sore but I might be. I did way too much stair climbing today. The weird part is that I wasn’t that out of breath the twentieth time I came up to my room. Watch tomorrow I will be short of breath every single time. Some days are like that though. I don’t know why. I think it all depends on my being tired or not.

Blah Rainy Tuesday

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Blah rainy Tuesday

I woke up early in pain. I took meds and basically went back to sleep until the afternoon. I thought about getting dressed and going out but it was raining and I hate being out in the rain. It’s fine if I am not going anywhere or if I absolutely need to go out, but I didn’t meet that criteria so I just stayed home. I made coffee when I got up and finished the last piece that was in the cake dish of my Nantucket cranberry cake. It was good with coffee. I have two pieces left, the pieces I was supposed to take with me yesterday to my psych appt. Oh well.

My psych emailed me some centers that I can try. One is a definite no as it’s a women’s health center that mostly deals with domestic violence. The one that is in my town, I left a message and am waiting for a callback. I don’t think they will take me because of my suicidal history but we’ll see. The other place I am not familiar with and is in Cambridge. I googled them and they primarily do CBT work. I don’t know if I want to go down that avenue, yet. My last resort psychologist I just left a message because I was feeling gutsy. If he doesn’t call me back, at least I tried.

I feel really depressed today and I don’t know why. I made two phone calls. One to the therapy place and the other to set up a memorial mass for my father. I really didn’t want to do this but my sister has a weird way of doing things so I just said I will do it. My middle sister then wants me to call to see if the mass will be in Creole. I didn’t ask and the guy didn’t say. She pissed me off. She can call and find out if it’s that important to her. Around this time last year, my father was in the hospital for the last time before going to a nursing home to die. I vividly remember this. This is going to be a tough month for me.

I am not as sore as I thought I would be, which is good. Last night, I tried a new antihistamine and it was a disaster. I had so many side effects from it that it was horrible. I am never taking it again. I had to take a lot of Ativan to get relief from the anxiety it gave me. I didn’t go to sleep until after 0200. I will just stick with allegra and Flonase.

I bought the CD to the musical Hamilton. I started listening to it this afternoon. After a half hour or so I had to stop it. I didn’t like it at all. It was rap stuff and I can’t stand rap. It just makes hearing what they are saying difficult. Some people can understand it, I can’t. It just sounds awful. I am back listening to my country music.