Tag: CRPS

bad day at the dentist and other things

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Bad day at the dentist and other things

I went to the dentist to have my gum looked at as it was still sore. He didn’t do the filling on the other side as he basically had to redo the filling where my gum was inflamed. He then told me the bad news, that I needed a crown or an extraction, possibly a root canal on that tooth. I have no idea if my dental insurance will cover it. I know the last time I needed a root canal it cost me like $1500 as a down payment before they did any work, and that was with my insurance.

The work he did today is going to leave me sore the next couple of days. He said the filling was down to the bone. Not good. I go back to see him next week to see how things are. I wanted to go to Starbucks for coffee but my mouth is very numb. I will be numb the next couple of hours so maybe tomorrow I will go to the Square.

I had a bad dream early this morning. I don’t know why. I usually just have weird dreams. But I woke up feeling scared and I couldn’t go back to sleep right away. I took some pain meds and an Ativan. I then played with my phone until I felt sleepy. When I came back from the dentist, my mother had made some peppers and eggs. I was starving so I had some, being careful not to chew on the side that was numb.

I was really tired after the dentist so took a nap. It was cool today so I shut off the AC but after my nap, I was really hot. I never mailed my friend’s card. Dammit. I texted her this morning to wish her a happy birthday. I would have loved to go out to see her rather than see the dentist today. I know it would have made her day.

Last night, I had my blog stats spike. I had over 100 views. My top three were my home page, the therapist blog from the other night, and Knackered, in that order. It was people from the US that was reading. It gave me a boost mentally. I usually average around 50 views a day so more than doubling that felt really good.

I think I am going to read Tom Sawyer. I am way behind in my reading. I want to read 30 books this year and right now, I have only read 7 for the year. I need to be better on reading books rather than Twitter or Facebook all day. Maybe I should put a timer on or something so I am not spending all day on social media. Twitter has just got me feeling scared of my country’s future as long as Cheeto is still in charge. I wish they would impeach him already because it is obvious he isn’t going to resign. He likes the power too much. It’s really sad.

feeling helpless and hopeless

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Feeling helpless and hopeless

I went to bed late, after 0200. I wanted to watch a movie but Netflix didn’t have the movies I wanted to watch. They suggested others and I saw one that had Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder. I thought it was a comedy so started watching it. I don’t know how long I was watching it but it was dull. An hour into it and Richard Pryor still hadn’t made an appearance. I stopped watching it and went to sleep.

I woke up with a lot of Twitter messages about the therapist blog I wrote last night. A friend that I sent it to went on a string of messages about how to better treat people like me. He is the director of a behavioral health center in Missouri and he speaks about suicide prevention all the time. I also had a message from another Twitter friend that said she was going to use my blog as a Segway in her curriculum. I thought that was awesome. She asked if I was involved in NAMI (National Alliance of Mental Illness) and I responded that I wasn’t but I had a number for a therapist line to call but haven’t done so yet. I am still looking for another therapist because the one I am seeing, I am just not clicking with and it’s frustrating me.

I must have been up for at least a half hour or so, and then the pain started. Severe pain. It wasn’t even 1000 yet! I took my pain meds and some ibuprofen so my mouth wouldn’t hurt. I immediately felt so hopeless and helpless because there was absolutely nothing more I could do to help myself. I tried to go back to sleep but I was kind of angry this was happening. Then my mother called to tell me I had to make breakfast for my niece. WTF. I told her I was sleeping and she didn’t fucking care.

I had to go to Walgreens to get my prescription filled. My mother wanted some things as well as I saw a note on the kitchen table. I grumbled and basically told my foot I was going. I got dressed and went. I just realized now that I forgot to mail a card for my friend. Her birthday is tomorrow. I should have got a stamp last week when I bought it but I didn’t want to break a twenty dollar bill for 49 cents. I didn’t have any smaller bills on me. Now it’s too late and my foot is still throbbing so I am not going to go out again.

After my little nap, I had to brush my teeth and use the rinse as I didn’t do it in the morning. I took more pain meds, ibuprofen, and my antibiotic before I did because the rinse makes drinks really taste bad. My mother woke me up to find out what I wanted for supper. I told her I wasn’t hungry. I’ve only had a tuna sandwich before I left for Walgreens, nothing else. I didn’t even make coffee. Later I will probably order a pastrami sub and fries. I still am not hungry. I am in too much pain to care if I eat or not.

I had a notification on Facebook about a post in my Cauda Equina support group I belong to. I had posted my “knackered” blog and someone shared it with her daughter. She read the blog and said now she understands and she apologized to her mother. I felt pretty good that my blog touched someone and made someone realize what it was like with this crappy condition. The mother I think bought my book as well. That made my day a little better before pain wrecked it.

Sox are playing tonight. They won last night. Before I wrote the therapist blog, the score was 1-0, Sox. After the blog, it was 10-3! They ended up winning 10-4. I was like, I should write my blog during game times to see if they can win more games! I was excited for them. They turned their first triple play of the year. The young third baseman is on fire. He’s only 20 years old. Still a rookie but playing very well. I hope it continues. After the game, I was depressed as there was no more baseball tweets on Twitter. The feed was all about Cheeto, his comments, and what went on in Virginia over the weekend. Just a very sad state right now for my country. Maybe that is why I feel so hopeless today as well. I don’t know.

having a hard time dealing with pain

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Having a hard time dealing with pain

I woke up around 0600 with my foot hurting me. I took pain meds but I couldn’t go back to sleep. Around 7 or so, I decided to make breakfast and coffee. I was about half way through my coffee when I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore. I took a nap for a couple of hours only to wake up to tooth pain. WTF. I went to the bathroom and then rinsed my mouth with the stuff I’m supposed to use. I ended up swallowing a little by accident. It wasn’t pleasant. The stuff didn’t help my pain. I had planned on going to see the movie “Dunkirk” but it was really muggy when I got up and I didn’t feel like going out.

I played on my laptop for an hour or two before deciding to have lunch. Tooth didn’t like it at all. I took some ibuprofen and as I was walking back up to my room, stupid ankle flared up. WTF are you kidding me? I can’t stand being in pain with my ankle AND my mouth pain anymore. It has been going on several days now. I see the dentist on Thursday so I hope he can do something for me. I know one thing, if I am still in pain, I am not going to have the filling done on the other side. It will be really hard to eat if I don’t have a side to chew on. I told my mother this and she was “so supportive” by saying she wishes she could not eat for a week. Then tells me at least you’ll lose weight. I then tell her sure and a trip to the hospital too for hypoglycemia and dehydration. Sounds fun! Fucking moron. I was so damn mad. Besides, I’ll only regain the weight once I start eating. She is just so stupid. I can’t stand her. I swear she acts like a bitch because she has chronic pain herself, but unlike me, refuses to do anything about it. She won’t do what the docs tell her to do or take meds, not even Tylenol for her pain all because one dose “doesn’t do anything”. She doesn’t understand that it needs to build in your system to be effective. I’ve told her this time and time again but I get hit with “I know my body”. Be in pain and stop complaining about it then! Fuck.

I’m really trying not to sleep all day but it’s hard because I am so exhausted fighting pain all the time. But I know if I do, I will catch my second wind at like 0200 and that wouldn’t be good as I will just be up all night, messing up my sleep cycle again. Course, I really think my sleep is already messed up as I just sleep whenever I feel tired.

Think I am going to make some fries for supper. My mother is having leftovers. I’m torn between ordering a sub and making a grilled cheese sandwich. I can’t wait to get paid next week so I can order my groceries. I plan on making lemon cookies. The recipe looks fairly simple, though I’ve never made zest before. First time for everything!

busy Monday morning

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Busy Monday morning

I had a shitty sleep. I fell asleep sometime after 0200 only to wake up around 6 because my foot was in severe pain. I took my pain meds and slept until my alarm went off. I didn’t want to get up but I had to be at the dentist office by 0800. I dragged myself out of bed, got dressed, brushed my teeth, and headed out. I had to wait until the dentist was available to see me. He said that I had severe inflammation of the gums but wasn’t too sure what was causing it. He wanted it to go down and for me to finish my antibiotics before taking x-rays.

I left in time to catch the bus to the Square. While I was waiting, I called my PCP’s office to see if my prescription was ready to be picked up. It was. I had breakfast at Starbucks. I ordered a snickers latte rather than espresso. I felt like treating myself to something good. I had 6 espresso shots. It was stronger than I thought it would be but still good. I went to my PCP’s office after I finished and then went to the pharmacy. My foot was in severe pain by the time I came home. I hadn’t taken any pain meds with me and the last time I had taken them was around 6 this morning. I was overdue. My foot was also on fire so when I came home, I took my pain meds and Neurontin. I also rinse my mouth out with the antibacterial rinse. It doesn’t go well with powerade but I can’t take the Neurontin with water because it is gross. Guess it was the lesser evil.

I wanted to get my meat sauce for supper but my mother is making lazy man lasagna. I will save it for another day. It’s not going anywhere. I have been wanting to have it with penne pasta for a while now. I haven’t had lunch yet. I will finish off the White Castle burgers. That should tie me over until supper time.

I am going to try and stay up but I have a feeling I am going to take a nap. I am really tired from all that I did this morning. I was out for 4 hours. I am glad I don’t have therapy this afternoon. It would suck. My mood sucks right now. I am just exhausted from hurting and not sleeping. I am so tired of waking up in severe pain. It’s really mentally exhausting. The hard part is that I have absolutely no control over it. It flares up whenever it wants to whether I am sleeping, trying to sleep, or just plain resting.

My fricken bowels are going nuts. Whenever I have Starbucks milk, it seems I am intolerant to it. I don’t fricken care because I have been backed up the last few days but the cramps are horrible. I just hope I don’t have an accident because that will kill me. I also hate having to go up and down the stairs a lot because of it. I so wish there was a half bath where the bedrooms are.

I’m trying to make plans with a friend that I met while in the hospital. Every time I ask when to meet up, she is vague or doesn’t answer. I really don’t want to go out tomorrow, except to Walgreens because idiot me forgot my strong pain pill script to get filled today. I had it on the edge of my bed so I wouldn’t forget it but I did. I also need to mail a birthday card for a friend of mine. Maybe I will get some pizza when I drop off the card to the mailbox, though I have been thinking of getting a pastrami sub lately. I love pastrami.

One of my blog readers suggested I get input for the blog about therapists who shaft clients for the suicidality or hospitalization history. If you would like to contribute, please email me at Collerone at Yahoo dot com or use my contact page to send me a message. I’m still mulling over ideas for it so you have time to also contribute if you would like. Please get it in by this week though. I’d like to write it up by the weekend. I think it’s important to get the word out that there are therapists and organizations out there that just don’t want to deal with severe mental illnesses.