Tag: CRPS

Saturday Blog 71

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Saturday Blog 71

I have been in bed all day due to pain. My mother forced me to wake up around 1000 because the vacuum cleaner repair guy was coming. She wasn’t feeling well and had to lie down. Luckily, I didn’t have to wait too long for the guy and then I went back to sleep. Despite me being in bed all day, the pain persisted. I had a few weird dreams, one of which was about my therapist. All I know is, I called her and she called me a bitch. That is all I remember.

I didn’t eat anything because I haven’t been out of bed. When I did get up, I had some eggplant my mother made and then some cookies. I didn’t care for anything else. I plan on taking my meds soon, even though it’s early. I don’t care. I just want to sleep so I am not in pain.

While I was reading Twitter today, it was learned that Russia interfered with the election to get their man elected. Just wonderful. I really hope they try him for treason and void the election results to give it to HRC. But I know I am dreaming.

round the clock pain

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Round the clock pain

Since early this morning, I have been in pain. I have diligently been taking my pain meds around the clock. The only time I wasn’t in pain was a brief window between 1900 and 2030. Then I started feeling zaps and the pain returned.

I had a light supper, just a bowl of soup. It was more water than a broth. Then I had some cookies and felt satisfied. A couple hours later, I started to feel bloated. I hadn’t had anything to eat or drink so I didn’t know why this was. My niece called me and said she had some tiramisu for me so I went downstairs to have it. BIG mistake. The bloating got worse and my stomach has been off kilter the past few hours. I thought it might be gas so I took some Mylanta. It helped some but not all. Then my pain spiked. Now I don’t think I can get to sleep despite being tired. I took my fourth dose of pain pills for the day, which is unusual as I usually only need three. But the pain is bad.

While I was waiting for the Mylanta to work, I decided to do some reading. I didn’t want to read as I finished the Lincoln Boys and thought I was done. But I left off in the middle of the chapter and I hate that so I decided to finish just that chapter. I am now reading “Dark Tide”. It’s about the molasses flood that happened in Boston in 1919. I find Boston’s history interesting.

I am very surprised that despite taking my pain meds, I didn’t nap once during the entire day. Usually, I sleep all day. Maybe my psychiatrist is right and I am getting more used to the meds than I thought I was. I didn’t think it was going to happen to me but it has, much to my dismay.

things accomplished today

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Things accomplished today

I woke up in pain, again, so I took my pain meds. I fought off the drowsiness by making breakfast and coffee. I didn’t feel like going to the Square today as I wanted pizza for lunch. I made a deal with myself that if I went to the post office, I could get pizza for lunch. The pain had calmed down some by the time lunchtime rolled around so I made it to the post office and then got half a box of pizza. It was cheaper that way than getting two slices. My niece texted me saying that she needed a nip so I went to the liquor store after I picked up the pizza. I also checked my numbers. Yesterday, something was telling me to play my father’s numbers so I played. I won $3 so I played again for tonight’s drawing.

I came home and ate the pizza, all of it. It was good and I was hungry. I guess I won’t have supper tonight. I went back to my room and my mother called me. She left her insulin down my aunt’s house and wanted me to go get it. So I put my sneakers on and walked down the street, hoping my ankle didn’t fail on me because I didn’t carry my cane nor was I wearing the AFO. Now my ankle and foot really hate me. Before I rested, I emptied the barrels in my room into a trash bag. I had to empty them because they were almost overflowing. After I did that, I took two more pain pills and am now resting my damn foot. The same area that flared up last night is still hurting me today.

I didn’t change my sheets like I wanted to but at least I accomplished the other things. I will try and change them tomorrow if my pain isn’t too bad, and I get some sleep. The Neurontin really helped me sleep most of the night last night. But I had to take a huge dose of it. I think that is why I am so hungry today. Think I am going to have some golden Oreos soon. My sweet tooth is craving something sweet.

I was glad that the dentist office called in the afternoon and not in the morning like I thought they were going to. I have an appointment Monday for a cleaning. I have been better at brushing my teeth since my last visit so that is good. I hope I have no cavities. That will suck.

I might make my pumpkin cake this weekend. I know I will be the only one eating it but I don’t care. I like baking. I just hope I have some cool whip. Otherwise, I won’t be able to make it. That would be sad. I have been wanting to make this cake for a while now. I also need to have room in the fridge for it because it needs to be refrigerated.

As I sit here in pain…

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders, physical pain, PTSD

As I sit here in pain…

I have no idea what the fuck I did. I got really hot so decided to take my legs out from under the covers. Apparently taking my right leg out first was not the thing to do because my left ankle then exploded in fucking agonizing pain and I couldn’t breathe for a few minutes. It was so damn bad. I held my ankle as still as possible. Then it started to cramp up on me. Fuck. I let it hang off the bed for a few minutes and that caused more cramping. Double fuck. I took another Ativan and my pain meds. What else was I going to do?

I then got really angry. I sent off a couple of texts to my therapist telling her how I felt. I used more profanity than I have ever used for her. I usually don’t swear in my texts unless I am really upset. And this time I was. Not like she is going to read the damn texts. If she is, she isn’t going to fucking respond. She never responds. Pisses me off. I don’t know why I bother.

While I was angry, I kept looking at my laptop and things on my bed and wanted to fling all of it off my bed. I was mad at myself for “defacing” my laptop cover with stickers. They never bothered me before and I didn’t know why tonight it was bothering me. I knew I couldn’t fling my beloved laptop. That would be very bad and I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. So I put some Pearl Jam on. PJ always calms me down when I am agitated and angry. Least until the Ativan and pain meds make me dopey.

I am almost finished (thank god) with the Lincoln Boys. I just read how in the 1930s and 1940s how historians were rationalizing the Civil War. One idiot thought that more compromise was needed and that if only politicians and newspaper editors weren’t so vile, the war could have been avoided peacefully. Another moron thought slavery was basically a joke because how could “white” people be so cruel to African Americans. Um, wasn’t this the time when the KKK emerged and lynchings happened? Not to mention that black people were killed if they so much as “looked” at a white woman? Sickens me, it really does. I thought this was written by a black person but nope, it was a white person. Unfucking real. I hate this author for his take on things, most of which have NOTHING to do with Lincoln or his “boys”. Propaganda, yup. I should write that. Maybe it will sell and I will be a NYT bestseller.

I got copies of MY book today. I needed one for a friend as I am giving it to her as she wanted one. In exchange, I get my happy place gift card. I ordered five copies. What I am going to do with the other four, I don’t know yet. I usually give them away to potential reviewers but that hasn’t worked out. I must have given away at least 10 copies and zero reviews have been written. But I sold a Kindle version of my book yesterday so I am happy. I’ll get 99 cents royalties for it. HAHAHA.

Did I mention that I am in pain? My toes were hurting before, like elves were hammering on every bone in my foot. Now my ankle is flared up beyond mention and cramping or throbbing. I can’t tell and I don’t want to touch it to find out. My shuffle thing really sucks because this is the 3rd time I have heard the song Release in the last 10 minutes. I love the song, but really? There are 11 other songs I could be listening to. Or 10. I forget how many songs are on the album. It’s having a calming effect on me so I shouldn’t complain. I just hate the shuffle function on my app. So if anyone has a good music app for Android, please tell me about it!! Rocket player isn’t for me but works until I find another one.

I’m glad my mother is ok. I heard some banging and shit downstairs so immediately thought the worst. Then she came up the stairs so I knew she was okay. If my ankle wasn’t hurting I would have checked on her. But I doubt I could stand. As I still can’t move my fucking ankle a millimeter. Damn you CRPS or whatever pain syndrome I have.