Tag: painsomnia

just a blog about nothing

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Just a blog about nothing

I woke up around 0330 because my bladder said so. It was hard to go back to sleep when I came back to my room so I stayed up for an hour or two. My med alarm went off around 8 and I took my BP med then went back to sleep. I had a crazy fucked up dream when I woke up. My mother had fixed my clothes that were in the hallway and just laid out my t-shirts. The rest of the clothes had disappeared and I had no idea where they were. I kept meaning to ask her but I didn’t want to start a fight. Weird.

I got up and there was no snow. The storm was a crock. It was raining at 330 am when I was up and was still raining a little when I got up around 11. I brushed my teeth and then made breakfast. I made four burritos, freezing three and eating the one. It was good. I am out of burrito wraps. I will get more next week. I then made coffee, but I made it too sweet so I couldn’t drink it. I think I will make a cup of tea. I am fricken exhausted. I felt like going back to sleep but decided I would go to Walgreens to fill my script.

I am glad it wasn’t icy out. It was really warm in the store and I should have just wore my sweatshirt. My insurance would only fill one script. The other was too early so I need to come back tomorrow to get it. I am out anyways so no big deal. My mother wanted a few things so I picked that up. I bought some Reese’s dark peanut butter cups as I wanted something sweet. I have such a headache. I came home and while I was taking off my socks, damn elastic flared my foot. It felt like I was trying to remove the bones in my foot. I hurt so much. My pain wasn’t too bad up till then.

I’m getting hungry and think I will make a tuna sandwich. I’ve been wanting to make one for a while but it has always been at weird times (like 9 pm or after). I will be getting sliced carrots for a muffin recipe next week. I can use the left over for tuna sandwiches. I love having something crunchy in the sandwich. Tastes better.

I would be listening to the game but my head hurts too much. I woke up with my head between the two pillows and my neck at a weird angle. Hate when that happens. I can’t have my head flat on the mattress as it always gives me a headache. I took some advil to try and ease it.

My niece is home from school today because they cancelled school. I will be making her mac and cheese for supper. I’ll have some with my tuna sandwich. Sounds like a plan to me!

daylight savings time mess

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Daylight savings time mess

I slept nearly every two hours the whole night. I gave up around 6 and had something to eat then tried again and was successful. I slept the whole day! I woke up slightly a few time, but I mostly stayed asleep until 1615. I took my pain meds and then went downstairs to make something to eat.

My brother in law got me rolls instead of hamburger buns. It was okay. I made the Manwich and it came out good. Now I have a quick meal the rest of the week. I decided to shower after I ate as my pain was still pretty low but creeping up. As I was in the shower for a few minutes, there was this awful noise and the pipes were vibrating. I moved this lever thing and that stopped the noise but by the end of the shower, I was losing water pressure. My mother and brother in law heard the noise. I told my mother what had happened and she said she would call the plumber tomorrow.

My foot was not a happy camper by the time I dried off and got dressed. I filled the pill box for the week and that made it more angry. I am going to put some diclofenac gel on it to see if that helps calm it down some. I really don’t want to take the strong pain pill unless I have to. I had to take 3 yesterday to control my pain. I don’t want to get constipated again. That was awful as with my nerve injury, it is very easy to get backed up. I also can’t take senna a few nights this week because I have appts.

I read Facebook and looks like another fricken storm is coming over the next few days. That would explain why I was hurting so bad yesterday. I am going to be hurting the next few days as the snow is going to start tomorrow and end fricken Wed! I hope I can see my psychiatrist Wed but it will depend on what the roads are like and how bad the snow is. If they call for a snow emergency, I might reschedule.

Sometime during my Painsomnia, I wrote about stuff I wanted to discuss with my PCP tomorrow. I see him in the morning so I hope the snow doesn’t start then. I canceled my appt with my therapist for the afternoon. It would be too much for me to have two appts in one day at different locations.

I read some of 1984 last night to try and distract from the pain. I really hope something like that doesn’t happen to the US due to Cheeto’s stupidity and paranoia. I heard he is still trying to campaign for 2020. Idiot doesn’t realize how stupid that is. He can barely manage this presidency! I might not be around then anyways. All decisions will be made by Friday. Just hope my pain is better by then.

CRPS Madness, painsomnia seems to rule

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders, painsomnia, physical pain

I didn’t go to bed till 5 or thereafter. I had some cocoa pebbles and tried to sleep. I slept most of the morning, though my other phone kept ringing, waking me up. I turned it off. I think it lost battery now so I don’t have to worry about it. Soon as I was awake for about 5 mins, the pain that kept me up, returned. I had to go downstairs to use the bathroom and brush my teeth. It was torture but I got it done. I am not going to shower or change my sheets. I am too tired and hurt too much.

I really don’t know what to do anymore. I’m tempted to call my psych for some valium or sleeping pill. I really don’t want one though. I already take enough meds. I wish I was seeing my pcp this week. I know part of my pain is bad because of the storm that is coming tomorrow evening. It supposed to last 24 hours. Only supposed to get 8 inches of snow so I guess that is good if it holds true. It is the same kind of storm we got over the weekend but less intense, though coastal flooding is still a risk.

I must have wrote a message to my pcp as I found out the idiot fellow messed up my allergies in a big way. I don’t remember doing it. He said he fixed it. I fucking wish before leaving the office, they had you read what they wrote so any errors could be fixed right there and then rather than after the fact. Would be beneficial for all I think.

I hope I don’t have another flare tonight. I am hurting at a 8 right now. Last night was at least a 14. My new Moleskin notebooks came. Now I can write down my crazy pain, rate it, describe it, and note the time. It changes so much every few hours.

I didn’t realize I had 3 gaba pills left in the bottle. I thought I finished it the other night. I could have used it to help settle things down. I just took the pills a little while ago. I’m not going to stay up another night, least not tonight.

My flashlight and B vitamins came today. It is a small bottle so the pills must be tiny. It has 5000 mcg of B12, 800 mcg of folate, and 2 mg of B6. I just opened the bottle. They are instant dissolving and are cherry flavored. They taste ok. It is more like a pellet than a pill. And it is tiny. I hope it helps with my pain. B6 is for nerve function. Also hope it gives me energy. I won’t be able to put these guys in my pill box for the week so I’ll have to remember to take them every day. I’ll probably use another med alarm.

I had a frozen dinner, spaghetti and meatballs. For some reason, it is not sitting well in my stomach. I don’t know why. I’ve had it before and it never caused any problem. It is the only thing I’ve had since waking up, besides a slice of coffee cake. My mother has been eating it on me. Silly woman. It is good though.

I wish I could take a shower. I feel so crappy. I just know I will risk a flare if I do. Not worth the risk. I’ll be taking my night meds soon. Just hope I sleep through the night.

Crying and it’s not over spilled milk

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders, physical pain

I’ve been in severe pain since about 2000. My foot was exploding shortly after 1800. Things just got worse from there. Pain is all over ankle and foot but only half, the outer half. I laid down and then pokers started impaling my foot. I’ve been crying with each burst of intense pain. There is no more meds I can take. Well, I could take gaba. Except I’d have to get up as my bottle is empty. Took the last few pills last night. Fuck. No way I am standing up. Any movement causes more pain.

I read a fun article tonight (being sarcastic). It was about how pain patients can die sudden, unexpected death. It is thought to be a cardiac event in most cases but there is no gross pathology and most coroners state death is accidental overdose, which blames the physician. The author states some good stuff on how docs can protect themselves. I hope I die that way. Unfortunately, my phone nor Kindle can upload the file. Otherwise I’d post it. It is on my Twitter account if you use Twitter.

Pain is just out of control tonight. I was having a low pain day until migraine hit. Then everything went south. I can’t believe how tearful I am. The tears just come out and I don’t hold them back. I hurt too much to stuff them. 

On a good note, I tweeted about buying Cam’s song burning house and she responded to it!! Omg. Made my day. I locked the tweet so it wouldn’t get deleted. Now I love her more. I almost cried about that. Fuck I’m so emotional. 

The L pattern pain is happening now. Bones are hurting. Nerves are on fire. Glob is just horrible. Other than writing, I have no other distraction. Music wouldn’t be good because it would just wake me up and make me think. Just want to die. I sent my psychiatrist the pain article. I hope she reads it. I’m going to ask my PCP to check my cortisol level. It will be important to know. If it is low, I might already be stressed from pain. I was having some palpitations earlier. Now my shin muscles are cramping because the flare is so intense. Fucking hate CRPS.