Tag: Taylor Swift

listening to Taylor Swift all day

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, blogging, CRPS, depression

Listening to Taylor Swift all day

I finally was able to get Fearless (Taylor’s version) on my phone. It took nearly a week for the amazon app to get it on my device. I am so glad I finally have this music. Right now I am listening to Evermore and then I will switch to Fearless.

I am sort of in a brain fog so I don’t think this will be long. I am still feeling so wicked tired from the Covid. I had coffee and something to eat with it. I plan on having some more of my pad Thai that I ordered yesterday. I was able to eat a quarter of it along with the appetizer I bought with it. I don’t have an appetite today so I don’t know if I will eat.

I am so fricken cold. It is 67 degrees in my room and 50 outside. The wind is making everything colder. I wanted to go out but I keep on getting cold sweats. I think I am over the worst of it but this fatigue is really bad. I need to go to the pharmacy to pick up my meds but only one is ready and I rather have two than one. I contacted my doctor because I think who ever handles it thought, again, that I was requesting the same medication twice. I wish they would spell out the damn abbreviations so it would be easier to know one is immediate release and the other is extended release. Drives me crazy that I have to go through this every couple of months.

Sox are on fire, though they are down by two runs right now. I am not listening to the game like I should. I just don’t have the brain power to listen. I am feeling lightheaded. My blood pressure is low so I am dehydrated. I just got some soup from my sister so I can increase my fluids. I really been craving Lipton soup but we don’t have any. I put it on my grocery list. It is the only soup I like when I am sick. I just pulled a hoodie on because I am freezing. No fever though.

TS and TR

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders, suicide

TS and TR

I wanted to listen to new Thomas Rhett with new Taylor Swift but I just screwed up the playlist by adding ALL of TR’s songs rather than the few I wanted. UGH I hate when that happens!

I haven’t been feeling good today. My throat has been bothering me so I have been taking huge amounts of vitamin D as I was exposed to a viral illness thanks to the therapist. She was so sick when I saw her Thursday. I hope she feels better next week. I spent nearly the entire day out as I had therapy and then I had to see my pcp. I was in such a depressed mood. I still am. I don’t want to do shit. I just been drinking ensure If I ate anything yesterday, I don’t remember what it was. I was so dead from being out so long Thursday. I had really bad pain most of the day today. Foot feels like it is ready to cramp at any moment. It is has been torture for most of the day. I keep waking up every few hours to pee. I think the UTI cleared up but now is coming back. I hope I am wrong. I have been trying to stay up on fluids but I just want to fucking sleep.

The therapist and I talked about texting. She put it as a boundary as I was texting too much. I respected it. I guess she expected me to flip out or something. And when I didn’t she was taken aback. I am an adult. You impose a boundary, I will respect it. I told her that she makes me afraid and I couldn’t say why she did. Thursday wasn’t a good day for me cognitively because my brain was still dealing with the hydroxyzine and gabapentin that I took the night before. It was like I had the reason why she scared me so one minute and the next, nothing. I felt like it was silly so I was able to avoid it as the therapist tried several times to get me to talk but I just couldn’t. I just wasn’t there. I never asked her about my diagnosis. We spent so much time talking about the texting. I can’t text her unless it is appointment related. There was a question of if I felt like my suicidality was getting worse but she said that shouldn’t be sent in a text message either. But if text is the ONLY way I have to reach her, how else am I going to call her? I just left it in the air. I wouldn’t contact her anyway if I was in crisis again. I will just go through with it.

There are so many smells coming in my room. Some of the perfume my sister and her daughter uses and the colognes my nephew uses. I also smell broccoli so I don’t know what is going on. I hate scents.

I am feeling depressed for some reason right now. I want to sleep but can’t seem to. It’s only 2130. Hope tomorrow I can do something in my room. Monday is my godmother’s birthday. I am not sure if we will be going down to see her or not. She will be 95. She is not doing so well as she stopped eating nearly 4 weeks ago. My cousin said that she is still drinking some but not a whole lot. I just hope she passes quietly in her sleep.

in honor of Highway Don’t Care going 2x Platinum…

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging

hi all,

Time McGraw, one of my favorite country artists, posted today about highway don’t care going 2x platinum. I thought I would share this powerful video. It makes me cry every time I see it. It was a public service announcement to don’t text and drive. It can wait.

Hope you all enjoy it. Taylor Swift and Keith Urban is also in it, who are also my favorite artists.

It’s My Favorite Artist’s Birthday

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, cauda equina syndrome, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

It’s My Favorite Artist’s Birthday

It’s Taylor Swift’s birthday! She is 26. I wished her Happy Birthday on two different social media platforms today. She is one of my favorite artists. I can listen to her song, Love Story all day and not get tired of it. The same with her album 1989, which I am currently listening to.

It’s funny because when I was that age, I could have sworn I was 25 again. My 25th year was not very kind to me. I got the dreaded condition known as CES (cauda equina syndrome), and I didn’t know if I would ever walk again, unassisted. I felt like I lost a year because of this syndrome. And now, almost 15 years later, I might be facing it again.

My pain levels have dropped and my right leg is no longer hurting me. But I am not destined to have a pain free day because my left thigh has decided it is going to hurt today as well. I just cannot win. The pain isn’t too bad, it just hurts. I kind of wish I did something so I can say that I did such and such to make it hurt but I did nothing. I just was sitting on my bed, playing on my laptop when the twitching started and then it was sore the next day. Now this soreness continues. I am going to try and call my PCP’s office tomorrow and see if the neurosurgeon got back to my PCP. If not, I will call my neurosurgeon and see if I can make an appointment. I really like this guy. He is nice and very caring, which is rare in the surgeon world. My surgeon before him had the bedside manner of a peapod. I didn’t like him at all. But it was an emergency situation so I didn’t choose this moron. I didn’t choose the second one either (nice surgeon). My PCP got him because he was on call. I lucked out because he was rated top pediatric neurosurgeon in the country. I know I am no longer a pediatric patient but I still want him as my doc. We’ll see tomorrow. I just hope the guy isn’t on vacation.

I will never buy Stop and Shop protein bars again. They definitely were not what I was expecting. It was a granola bar with chocolate packed with nuts. I was looking for something like PowerBar Protein bars where you have chocolate and the inside is peanut butter (or some other protein packed filling). I felt like I was eating a candy bar. A Yodel would have been better and more filling. I am so disappointed.

I have to read my Lincoln book at some point today. I feel like if I don’t read a book every day, I am just wasting my time during the day. Even if I just read a few pages, that is all that I want to do. But I have a pile of books to read, especially on Kindle. I really want to finish American Gods so I can get back to Dostoevsky. I want to read Brothers Karamazov. I got a collection of Dostoevsky’s works for like 2.99 months ago and I haven’t touched the collection since then. Every one on Twitter was talking about American Gods so I got that book. The book is creepy and has a lot of sex scenes. It’s definitely not children’s material like I thought it was. I also have a two John Grisham books (one on Kindle, the other a hard cover) that I haven’t read. I was a very avid Grisham reader until I lost interest in books for a while. I thought he stopped writing but when I was at work, a friend of mine was reading a book that I didn’t read and I found a LOT of new books by him. The last book I remember reading from him was Skipping Christmas. That was a fun book. It was the first non-lawyer book that he wrote. I really enjoy his writing.

I haven’t done anything to do with hygiene today. I haven’t showered in days and I didn’t brush my teeth today. I was going to this morning but told myself I would do it “later”. “Later” still hasn’t come yet. My mother is taking a shower so I think she is going out tonight. I think it’s my cousin’s birthday. I never get invited and even if I did, I usually don’t go so it’s okay. I might take a shower later tonight before I go to bed.