random thoughts 21102020

Random thoughts 21102020

I’ve had a day. I met with my surgeon and things are good. I told him about the bowel issues I have been having. He said to contact my pcp as it wasn’t neuro related. I was pleased to hear that. I contacted my pcp and we decided to decrease the magnesium and see if that helps.

After the appointment, I went to the grocery store as I was out of half and half. They didn’t have the big container like I usually have. They didn’t even have a quart of the kind I get so I bought an organic kind as my choices were limited. I bought some ketchup and a half gallon of juice. My bag was heavy. I just managed to get to the bus stop, huffing and puffing. I drank my iced tea that I bought. I had some time before the next bus would come. I was thankful as I needed to rest. I got a text from the pharmacy that my prescription was ready to be picked up so I went to pick it up instead of going home right away. This was not a good decision. I couldn’t walk up the street to my house. I had to call my brother in law to pick me up. I didn’t have to wait too long, thank god.

I came home and turned the AC on in my room. I was drenched from sweat as it was kind of warm today. My brother in law said he was making tacos so I changed into my PJs and a different T shirt that was dry. I was exhausted by the time I was finished with the tacos and going back up the flight of stairs to my room. My legs are killing me. I hate being so out of shape. I know when I see PT on Friday I am going to be as exhausted.

The suicidal ideation that had been flowing in and out the past few weeks have gotten worse. I texted my therapist that I think I should see her and she sent me a time for next week. We have a lot to talk about. I just hope she is willing to listen to what I have to say. I plan on writing down the stuff I want to talk about so I don’t forget. I have my notebook ready. It is the one I have dedicated to therapy.

I hope I sleep good tonight. I meet with my psychiatrist tomorrow. I wish I didn’t have the appointment. I just want a day of no appointments but that is not happening this week. I am just glad I don’t have to go out until Friday for PT. I am so exhausted and my ankle is starting to smart. My back is already hurting. I forgot to tell the surgeon about the cramping. I think I will sent him a message and see what he says.