Category: blogging

RED SOX ARE BACK TO BACK AL EAST CHAMPS!!!

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

RED SOX ARE BACK TO BACK AL EAST CHAMPS!!!

My Sox won the game today and won the American League East title for the 2nd year in a row!! I am so happy for them. It’s been a tough season and there is some work to do. Unfortunately, they will be facing the same team they are facing this weekend for the first rounds of playoff games. Those games start Thursday. There is still one more game left in the regular season. I’ll listen to it because I love my boys.

I woke up around 5 in pain again for the 4th day in a row. I went back to sleep. When I woke up around 1400, I took a shower and then went to Walgreens to pick up my meds. It was really cold, around 55 degrees. The rain had stopped but began again when I came back home. I’m glad I timed it right.

I was hungry but didn’t know what to make. I decided on making White Castle cheeseburgers. My mother was napping and I was watching the game in the kitchen. I asked her what she wanted and after she thought about it, she said some scrambled eggs. Her knee was acting up again, probably because of the weather. I made her the eggs and some toast. By the time I was done, the game was won. But stupid Fox didn’t show the celebration. They went to some football game. I went up to my room to see Twitter highlights. I had the ceiling fan on. I shut it off as I was cold and put on a long sleeved Tee shirt.

I wanted something warm so went back downstairs to make a cup of tea. My mother wanted a cup of coffee so I made her one as well. My ankle is hurting now. I put in a request for my pain meds to my PCP’s office as I will run out by Tuesday. I don’t know when I will be able to get them and have it filled. It probably won’t be until Thursday. I don’t know what I am going to do. I hate being off track with refilling my meds. This 28 day shit sucks and having to go to my PCP’s office because the medical assistant is too dumb to mail it really sucks.

About a month ago, I bought these straps for the bed sheets to keep them attached to the mattress. One side of my bed always seems to come undone, and these straps are not helping. The other side is secure, though I could adjust the foam topper a little bit. I need to change the sheets soon anyway. I hate changing sheets. It is the one chore I detest. I wish I could hire someone to help me do it and also to help vacuum my rug but I don’t have the extra funds to do so. Money is going to be tight the next few months because I am going to try and save to get a new laptop. I’m going to get a new screen first to see if that solves the issue. If it does, I will just upgrade my Office to Office 2016. I found one site on Amazon that was selling it for $90. I just got to find out how many pins my screen has to make sure I buy the right replacement. I might call Dell as their website isn’t too helpful.

painful day and other things

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Painful day and other things

I had a hard time sleeping. I think I went to sleep around 3, only to wake up around 7. I was in pain so I took some meds. I went back to sleep and then woke up around 1300 in pain, again. I had wanted to make an egg and bacon burrito but I was hurting too much. I decided to try UberEats to deliver McDonalds. It was good, though for some reason, the driver had my wrong address. I had to text him the correct one. I’m glad I got my Big Mac and McNugget fix. I haven’t had McDonalds in a long time.

I am so glad that I budgeted my money good this month and that I have enough to change my name. I have a little more in my account should it comes out to more than $185. I want to get my haircut but I’m not sure when that will happen. I have a busy week coming up. I might get it done next Thursday if I am not in too much pain. I’m still waiting for a credit from PeaPod on the order I cancelled. I don’t understand why it takes minutes to deduct from your account but days to credit. So stupid.

I’m really tired because I didn’t get any sleep. I also took a big dose of Neurontin that always leaves me hungover the next day. I’ve been having to keep an eye on the Skankees because if they lose, the Sox win the AL East title. But the bastards beat the Jays so we still have one more game to play to win. I really hope we don’t have to play the Skanks to claim the title. There are only 3 games left in the regular season. We still will be in the playoff games.

in a flare

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

In a flare

I woke up around 7 in pain. Took some pain meds and Neurontin as I wanted to sleep. I set my alarm as I had my grocery delivery coming at 1500. About an hour later, I went back to sleep. I woke up just before my alarm went off. I was still in pain but it was manageable. I needed coffee to get the cobwebs out of my brain. I decided to make my Hawaiian Ka’u. It came out stronger than I thought. For some reason, even though I measure the water in my mug, water just evaporates and I am left with less water. I have been using Poland Spring water to make my coffee because our tea kettle has rust on the bottom of it. My mother doesn’t want to part with it.

I was hungry so I made cereal, drank my coffee, had some chips, and then made half a salami and cheese sandwich. My foot was hurting but it was tolerable. My mother wanted potatoes and hot dogs for supper so I prepared the potatoes. I had fun chopping them up with the cleaver knife. By the time I was done, my mother was ready to cook them. She wanted me to slice up the hot dogs so I did that. While I was peeling the potatoes my groceries came. I didn’t order much so there wasn’t too much to put away. I bought some small figlets. They are figs and were really good.

I went to my room while my mother was cooking to give my ankle a rest. It was becoming intolerable. I took a strong pain pill to try to control the pain. Then I had dinner and had to go downstairs so my niece could eat the meal. I was really hurting by the time I went back upstairs. I read Twitter and found that today is the 13th birthday of a Rascal Flatts album, Feels Like Today. I knew I had it so I downloaded it to my phone and am listening to it now. I really like this album. By the time I was ready to write my blog, my damn foot and ankle flared up. I am in so much pain right now. I can take my regular pain meds in an hour. I could take another strong pain pill but it will make me dopey as I just took one not too long ago.

I don’t know how PT is going to help me with the pain. The PT I saw the other day said that I sort of need to retrain the brain as it’s all it can think about and it causes my pain more than my ankle/foot itself. Whatever. I just know that I hurt NOW and there is nothing I can do about it but write about it and swear. I didn’t leave the house today. All my activities were done around the house. I like cooking and baking. But not if it leaves me in agony. WTF. I can’t always rely on take out or my mother cooking something because I don’t have incoming money every week. I like to help my mother doing some of the cooking if I can.

It’s going to be a long night. If I am hurting this bad now, I am not sure if it will get worse or better later. I want to listen to the Sox game tonight. They have 4 games left in the regular season. If they win tonight, they could clinch the AL East title. It would be awesome to hear that as I can’t watch it on TV. My ankle will kill me if I go down the stairs again so I can’t watch the game. I am sad the season is over but the boys are in the post-season playoff games so I can still watch baseball. MLB sent me a link today for Red Sox jackets. I have three, the most expensive was $100. It’s a light but heavy jacket made for the cold New England weather. I can’t wear it if the temps are above 40 degrees or I will overheat. It’s that warm. It is my favorite jacket though. I really don’t need another jacket but there is one that I like that is $75. Maybe next pay period I will get it.

hot day, therapy, and other things

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Hot day, therapy, and other things

I woke up around 0630 in pain. I took some meds and then checked my bank account to see if my check was deposited. It was so I paid some bills and reordered my grocery as I had to cancel the order because of my PT appt yesterday. I just ordered the bare minimum because PeaPod hasn’t yet credited my acct and I didn’t want to spend that much. I’ll just buy what I need at the grocery store if I’m up to it. I might do another order for the stuff I didn’t get but I am hesitant because I want to make sure I have enough money for changing my name in two weeks.

After I paid my bills, I set my alarm and went back to sleep. My mother called me around noon, before my alarm went off. She wanted to know where I was and what I was doing. I’m 41 and still get asked this, every single day! It’s annoying but there is nothing I can do about it. My alarm went off and I didn’t want to get out of bed. I forced myself to and went downstairs to brush my teeth and get ready to go out. My aunt was over again so I exchanged pleasantries. On the way back up to my room, my ankle went out. Not a good sign. Luckily, it wasn’t painful. I limped back up to my room and then took more pain meds. I got dressed and then left the house.

There was construction on the sidewalk. A big machine was blocking my view of the street to see if the bus was coming. Luckily, I got up in time to check and it was coming. When I got on the bus, I ordered my Starbucks and something to eat. I had timed it right for my therapy appt as I only had about a half hour to write in my journal, which kind of sucked. I went to the train station and it was hot as an oven and by the time I got to my therapist’s office, I was sweating. I wished I had brought a facecloth to wipe off the sweat but I wasn’t thinking.

Therapy went well. I thanked him for rescheduling the appt. We talked about what went on yesterday with PT and that I am starting with a PT specialized in CRPS. Then we talked about my father and my suicidality. Yesterday was the first day in about 16 days straight that I didn’t think of wanting to kill myself. We talked about that for a while. Then we talked some more about my father and his death. It was a good session.

I went back to the Square to wait for the bus home. It was late. I was really sweating by the time I reached home. I had to go to Walgreens to pick up my meds. On the way in, I saw one of the pharm tech girls with her dog. It was cute. I think it was a bulldog, my favorite kind of breed, well one of many. She was walking down the street with him the way I had to go. I almost caught up to her when she reached my house but she wasn’t paying attention so I just let her keep walking. My t-shirt was soaked and it was hot in my room. I put the AC on before I dried off and peeled off my shirt. I waited till I cooled down before I put on another shirt. Then I ordered food as my mother didn’t cook anything. She just reheated some soup from the other night.

My therapist said that I needed to do some “fun shit”. I said I don’t have much things that I do. If I make it to Starbucks for the day, then it’s a good day. He said that I should work on doing that more often. I was kind of stunned because I thought he wanted something more but going to Starbucks does make me happy, if for a little while. I need my espresso fix as they no longer have any Clover coffees that I like. I can’t remember the last time I had coffee at Starbucks. I do make it at home as I don’t have an espresso machine. I will never get one of those because I may never leave the house again.