Category: blogging

Great News

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Great news!! PT went well. She listened and knew what I was talking about. She is going to refer me to the brace clinic so I can have one for around the house rather than use my AFO. She said because I had CRPS for so long she is not sure therapy can help me get function back but there is a CRPS therapist there that could help. I’m going to try it and as long as it doesn’t flare me up too bad or make things worse I’ll go the 6 visits. She was so understanding of the condition and my past nerve injury. She said if it works great. If it doesn’t oh well. I told her I would like to make a meal where I didn’t have to sit every few minutes or bake in increments because I had to rest. That will be the goal to get me a little more functioning around the house and doing activities that I do. Working is not possible as it is too late for that kind of rehab. I’m excited. l but weary. I have to go see my psychotherapist tomorrow afternoon so I hope I don’t flare tonight from all that she did manipulating my ankle and foot.
The best part is I didn’t have to walk to get there. The bus stops right across the street. Score!!

I am feeling really tired and am in a lot of pain now from everything. I’m glad my mother made supper. She is feeling better. I just hope I don’t need to wash dishes.

I’m now going to be busy with appts all of Oct. If I need to cut down on PT, I can. They don’t want this to cause me more pain. I see the Neuro specialist in 2 wks. Hope he just is able to confirm CRPS so my PCP is happy. The week of the 9th is going to be nuts because Tues i have my name change at the courthouse, Wed PT, Thurs is my physical, and then PT again on Fri. I might skip Fri because it will be too much. We’ll see.

I tried fixing my laptop screen, thinking it was a loose connection but it wasn’t. It is a little better than it was yesterday so that is good. Now I just need to buy a new screen as I know I don’t have to remove all the parts of my laptop. I’m glad I have computer friends on Facebook.

I found one of the payment forms for my insurance to call the benefits office to find out if they will be carrying the same prescription plan. The number on it didn’t work so I had to email my former supervisor to get the correct number. He responded while I was traveling so I will call tomorrow. Open enrollment will be soon. I wonder how much more I will be paying for my insurance. Right now I am paying $171/month plus Medicare which is $104/month. This doesn’t include copays for appts or medications.

I emailed my psych about today’s news and asked her to send me a time for an appt. I was supposed to see her Friday but was in too much pain to get out of bed. It was a crappy day out that day anyway so I am glad I cancelled. Hope I can sleep at a decent hour and that I am not up all night in pain. It will suck.

going fucking nuts in my own house

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Going fucking nuts in my own house

Since last night, I have been keeping an ear open for my mother should she need me. I was up half the night in pain so that kind of made it easier. I knew I would be as even though I wasn’t on my feet a lot, I wasn’t elevated my leg like I normally would be on a Sunday. I finally got to sleep between 0230 and 0300. I woke up around 0700. I checked on my mother and she was still sleeping. I couldn’t go back to sleep so I just paid some bills as my check came in and ordered groceries.

I tried to go back to sleep after that but no go. I then got hungry so I went downstairs. My mother had already got up and made herself breakfast. I was waiting for my aunt to come over the house to let her in. I made my breakfast and was finishing up when she called me. It’s been a nuthouse since. My aunt likes to “yell” talk but she does it in an excited way that makes you think she is yelling at you. This is how she talks to my mother and when my mother argues with her, which has been happening all day, she yells louder.

I ordered a steak tip dinner for lunch and she gave me a look like it was the rottenest thing in the world that I did. Then my cousin, who sees me come up the stairs and in the kitchen says “oh I thought you weren’t getting around too good”. It was the first time in more than a week I’ve been out of my bed. I’m in pain and the shower I took hurt my back terribly. He doesn’t care though, only when he needs me to bring up my mother’s shopping. As I was having lunch, my mother and aunt were watching some program, together, and she is saying look at that, look at that in her loud voice. WTF are you kidding me? My mother isn’t more than 2 feet away from you and is watching the same damn show on the same television so of course she is seeing what you are you idiot!! I wish I didn’t change my therapy appt for this afternoon. I would have left the house to this nut.

I got to find the envelope that holds my insurance payment from my benefits office. I need to call them to see if they are still going to carry Caremark for their prescription service as it now affects me. Open benefits will be happening soon so they may change. If they are keeping it, I need to call my insurance and see if their new policy of opioids is going to give me a headache in the new year. It’s really stressing me out because if I can’t get my pain meds, I am screwed. And when the new year starts, I will have to pay for my meds. I don’t want to pay double for my pain meds because it started a new policy that is completely bullshit.

Crap. The PT place just called me back after playing phone tag. The good news is I have an appt tomorrow. Bad news is that it is now in an area where my father was living in so it’s bringing up all sorts of memories. I’m not sure what they are going to do to help me or if therapy can help me, if going to that area is right for me. It is a ways from the station. I’ll have to get off at the Stop and Shop stop and then walk from there as I’m not sure there is a bus that goes by there. When I left my father’s apartment for the last time, I never thought I would go near that area or train station or have to take that bus ever again. Hope I’m not triggered too badly tomorrow.

Sunday Funday

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Sunday Funday

I woke up in the afternoon after being up half the night due to pain. I had received a call from Walgreens about a prescription I refilled last week but didn’t pickup. I had to pick it up today. My mother called me because she was in pain and needed her walker. I got her that and then left for the store. After I was rung up, I talked to the pharmacist about CVS’s new opioid policy as I might be affected. He said that because I am long term, it shouldn’t affect me. I felt better about that and headed home.

I got home and the front door was open. I could have swore I closed it when I left the house. I climbed the stairs and there was commotion going on upstairs as my door was also open. I took off my brace and went up. Everyone was surrounding my mother and I was like what the fuck is going on. Apparently, after I left, my mother got cramps in her leg so bad that she couldn’t move. She was in agony. She had called my sister for help and she was still in a lot of pain even though the cramps had subsided.

Because the pain was in the back of her knee, I was worried about a blood clot or something so we finally convinced her to go to the hospital. We called an ambulance and took her. We spent four hours there. Thankfully there was no clot and the doc just thought it was inflammation. They gave her some pain medication and sent her home via ambulance as he didn’t want her going up the stairs. I rode in the ambulance home so the driver would know exactly what streets to go down. My sisters were waiting out front. I went to grab some food from next door as they were having a Patriots party. Everyone there was lit, including my neighbor. By the time I was done with my food and listening to the various conversations, my ankle was acting up. I told everyone I was going home and said my goodbyes.

I checked on my mother when I got home. My sister was still with her. She was still in pain but not as much. She has to sleep downstairs tonight. My sister made up the couch for her. I am not sure how much sleep she will have. I went up to my room to take my meds and cool off my room. It was stuffy as I had shut the door to keep the cool air in. It’s still hot but is cooling off slowly. My ankle is now hurting and I don’t remember or recorded the time I took my pain meds before heading to the hospital. Probably going to hurt all night because I had my leg in a sitting down or standing the whole time I was at the hospital with my mom. Fuck.

A frustrating day of pain

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

A frustrating day of pain

I woke up around 9. I decided to write the blog about zero suicide that I have been procrastinating/in too much pain to write. I got half way through it when hunger came over me, so I decided to make breakfast and coffee. I should have finished the blog before eating because I was ready to go back to sleep. I forced myself to drink more coffee and try to focus on what I was writing. My ankle pain was down so I wanted to take advantage of it. A friend wanted me to send it to him before I published it. I think I wrote about 800-900 words. I sent it off to him but haven’t heard back.

As I was so sleepy, I decided to take a shower. Worst decision of the day! Not even two minutes under the water, my back seized up and made it hard to wash up. I had to sit down so I shoved the things on the seat over so I could. I waited for the spasms to pass before I got up again. It didn’t matter as within seconds the spasms returned. I quickly dried off and went up to my room. I had wanted to vacuum my rug but that wasn’t happening. I also wanted to make cookies. Not happening either. The shower took so much out of me. I had to rest for most of the day.

I asked my mother what she wanted for supper. I suggested soup and she suggested I make it. Great. The ballgame was on at 4 so I made some pasta and heated up some soup. By that time, my ankle decided it wanted to hurt and my back was out of sorts again. I need to lie down as sitting is hurting me. Damn temp went up 20 degrees so my back can’t adjust that quickly. Heard it’s going to be nice the rest of the weekend so the temps should be stable, give or take 5 degrees. Least I hope so.