Category: chronic physical pain

day one home from surgery

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Day one at home

Today has been rough. I did too much and caused myself to get a headache that I still have that the neurosurgeon is worried about. I have to go back on steroids for a week to see if that helps calm things down. I am trying to sleep but it isn’t coming. I have too much on my mind.

My numbers for my blog stats have been terrible. All day I have just had three views so I am hoping this post will draw some readers out. I know I have been sporadic in my writing but I am recovering from surgery right now. Meds are making comprehension difficult and concentration has been worse. Because of the steroids, I have some appetite. Unfortunately, meals have been difficult to sit through as it hurts my head to be upright. I rather be laying down.

I had an appointment with my therapist today but we didn’t get much accomplished as the connection was terrible. I was kind of out of it so that didn’t help matters. She put me down for another time next week so I think I should be better by then, or at least less druggy. Today was a real test as I had a lot of phone calls. I got accepted for the Ride, a disability transportation service but I can’t seem to navigate it on my phone or laptop so will have to call tomorrow to set something up.

I want to try and shower tomorrow. I don’t have a health care worker coming in yet and for some reason I am on MRSA precautions. I don’t know when that happened. But the nurse was worried about it and sent off a special stethoscope for the clinicians to use. Nothing fancy about it just deemed “MRSA”. I have no use for it as I use my blood pressure cuff for my readings and my own thermometer. I have no fever so that is good. I think I would be feeling sicker if I was. I have been feeling hot and cold all day, running the fan, shutting it off, turning it back on. I also have been taking my long shirt sleeve shirt off and on all day. I don’t know why I seem to run hot then cold then back hot again. Hope I am not getting sick. I worry with those that are outside the home may bring it in, like my nieces and nephew and sisters. I am at a high risk because I am just off of surgery and am on steroids. I have been trying to keep fluids up but it has been a challenge. I don’t like standing right now as it hurts. I have been able to void on my own though. Last night I had to put myself on a timer so I would go. It worked but disrupted my sleep and then the bowels did their thing on me. Luckily, I didn’t lose control or I would have been crushed. I did have to change my underwear though. I didn’t want to track the stuff to my wound. I don’t have a bandage on so I am careful about what I touch around the scar.

The one question that I am shocked I keep getting asked about is suicide and suicidal thinking. The nurse today very concerning asked about it and wanted me to let her know if I have those thoughts. I am not having them because I got other stuff on my mind. I am depressed because I feel like I should be somehow a long better than what I am but I am only a week post op. I am having a hard time keeping track of pain medication management because I was used to a nurse bringing me the meds. Now I got to sort it all out. I spoke to my pcp about it and he is okay with the increase in the interim while I am recovering. I’ll get a refill next week when I am due for one. I am glad I can talk to him about my pain med needs. Some docs don’t want to hear it after surgery. I had a hard time finding a doc to listen when I had back pain like this. In the end, my pcp put me on pain meds and there it stayed. My pain meds have always been managed by my pcp and I am glad because they get to see what you are like more so than a specialist.

day of surgery

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Day of surgery

I woke up an hour before my alarm. I plan on staying up. How I want a cup of coffee right now or tea. I just took my meds with the bare minimum of water. It was so gross taking them with water, especially this early in the morning. I can’t drink water and now I am a little nauseous. Hope it goes away. I got to brush my teeth. I was going to shower and I might. Just not right now. I am wicked nervous about this and my right arm is half a asleep. I hate when I sleep on it. I got an empty eyeglass case so that nothing happens to my glasses.

I got to get ready now. I just wanted to write a quick note that I may not be writing for a while. I am not sure when I will write next but I will when I am up to it and I will bitch about every second of it so expect swear words.

Public transportation disability services and stuff

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Public transportation disability services and stuff

I had my interview with disability services to get a Ride to where I need to go for medical appointments and other things as long as they were T accessible. I think I got approved as the guy said I should hear back within two to three days. I am hoping two because the third day I will be in surgery. I was wicked beat after the appointment but I had to go to Walgreens for my mother and get some more Gatorade to last me until Thurs. I worked out a system with my bag with my former coworkers as I will need my phone charger more than anything else. I don’t think I will have anything by mouth the first day as I will be flat on my back the first 24 hours. Hospital is in shut down mode so my outpatient appointments have become either phone or video appointments. I spent most of the time this morning getting phone calls about this. I did call my neurosurgeon’s NP and surgery is scheduled. I am to report at the times they gave me. Just thinking about this has given me such anxiety. I spent most of the night prepping my bag with stuff I want to take with me. The last thing I needed was Gatorade. I think I have everything but the meds that they may not have in formulary.

After the trip with Walgreens I started wheezing. I know it is because I am tired and it was cold out as I was rushing to get back home. I just wanted to be in my room under the covers. I gave up keeping the window open. It got too cold in my room. I would have to close it anyway in a few days so just as well. One less thing to worry about. I talked with my ex-supervisor at work and he is lending me my old locker to store my stuff in it so I have a place to put it. This way I don’t have to worry about my family bringing me stuff when my coworkers are already there. Please give a shout out to the medical pathology departments in your hospital because they are working just as hard as the doctors and nurses to give results that are needed for this crisis.

I hate having to cath. I honestly hope it is better after surgery because I cannot live like this anymore. It is just too fucking hard. The flashbacks of trauma don’t help. One day I will write about the stuff I went through with a parent but not right now. I can’t get myself worked up with all this stupid fucking anxiety around surgery. It will just throw gas into the fire when I am trying to burn the fire out. Allergies have been bad the past few days and it isn’t officially spring yet till Thurs. That is probably why I was wheezing. Allergies. I just took Flonase so hope that calms it down some. I will take Benadryl if I need to. I might anyways to calm the fuck down. I had minimal sleep last night because I was crazy with anxiety. My phone kept ringing or I had to make calls this morning and I don’t even remember who I talked to because I was on the phone, writing emails, getting shit done all before I had a cuppa. I didn’t want cawfee and now I won’t be able to have it because I don’t have half and half. I have to go to the super market and get it tomorrow. I want to get Golden Oreos, too. And this stupid cereal I fell in love with but can’t seem to find anywhere but in the damn stores. It’s a flax seed and multigrain flakes cereal that is made by Nature’s Path. So good. That is all I want. Then next week or whenever I am home from the hospital, I can order my regular grocery stuff.

Saturday Blog 14032020

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Saturday Blog 14032020

I did a lot this morning when I woke up. I finally made the breakfast burritos and then because I still had energy and wasn’t hurting too much, I baked cookies. I paid for it afterwards though. I couldn’t finish washing the dishes. I did what was there and then I had to stop. My foot was a blaze in pain. I had some giambotta my mother made. It had all vegetables in it, carrots, zucchini, onion, and potatoes. Giambotta is basically a mesh of stuff put together. It was good but she put crushed red pepper in it and for some reason that triggers a migraine for me. It is the second time this has happened. I went up to my room after all the cookies were stored, with a note that said warning eating more than 3 will give you the shits. The cookies have a lot of fiber in them which makes you go to the bathroom. Why I made them. I am trying to have them stay a little longer as I know my sister and nephew like to eat my food. My nephew has been eating my tortilla wraps when I asked him not to. I was only able to make 8 burritos when I wanted to make 12. That is because a package of tortillas only has 8 in it. I don’t know what he uses them for but fuck. I pay for them not him.

I sent my therapist a pic of the burritos. I was going to send one of the cookies but decided not to. I won’t be able to share with her anyways because I may not see her. I still have no word on anything. My uro hasn’t been in touch with me over my results of the urine culture so not sure if she is going to treat it or not. I just sent her a message so maybe I will hear from her by Monday. I feel like I do have a UTI so I hope she does treat it. Would hate to have bugs in my urine pre-op. but time is getting close to how long I should be treated for. At this rate, just three days is what I can expect.

I think I packed everything I need. I just need to find a micro USB cord. I thought I had it in my bag but it was just another Type C wire. The micro USB that I have been using is 10 feet. I hate to bring that in the hospital but will if need be. I got a 6 ft wire for Type C, which is for my phone. I will bring both and see what happens.

I slept most of the afternoon to take away the migraine and the exhaustion of cooking and baking. My foot acted up a little bit but not overpoweringly. Sleep definitely helped. Now I am wondering if I will be up all night. I was late in taking my night meds. Took them an hour and half late because I was sleeping. I shut the alarm off and went back to sleep. Bladder woke me up. I don’t remember the last time I peed so it had to be a while. I hate that I have to keep track of this now. Bowels I always kept track of now the bladder too. It is just too much. I have to cath at least 5 times a day. Today every time I went, I cathed. I think I just voided once on my own, only because the urge was strong but it took a while to get going. I hate that. I hate that I am still retaining despite being on medication for retention. But I guess if I wasn’t on the meds, I probably wouldn’t be going period. I found that out when I was in the hospital and they didn’t have my medicine I take. I plan on taking the meds with me. Speaking of which, I might as well put them in my bag after I do my meds for the week. I will make them full so when I am home, I don’t have to make them up again. I can just bring them downstairs. I do have to lock away my meds so no one gets into it. I just rather put them locked away than be sorry.