Tag: back pain

music, haircut, birthday dinner, and other things

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Music, haircut, birthday dinner, and other things

My med alarm woke me up before 0700. I was feeling okay. I took my meds and didn’t want to go back to sleep. I went to the bathroom and as I was going down the stairs, I heard my mother cry out. I listened to see if I should run back upstairs or what. I didn’t hear anything else, so just went to the bathroom real quick and then made my way up the stairs. I went in her room and she was settling down. I asked if she was okay and she said yes, why? I told her because I heard her cry out and she said she didn’t. Okay.

Around 8 I decided to catch the bus to the square for Starbucks and maybe some writing. I also needed a haircut and to renew my T-Pass. I got my espresso and a sandwich. I was kind of thinking of what I should write. After I ate, I took out my journal and my notebook where I have been writing my story. I wrote in my journal first and kept staring at my notebook. Nothing was coming to me. I was getting frustrated. I haven’t written anything new since Feb. I didn’t know if I should write something new or continue with what I had written so far. It was agonizing. I gave up and went to the little grocery store to get some cole slaw. I wasn’t planning on getting some dip but found one that I liked. I had bought some multigrain tortilla chips but had no salsa to go with it.

I got my T-Pass and then my haircut. My regular barber wasn’t in yet so I had the other guy. He did a good job. I just caught the bus home with 30 seconds to spare. I came home and showered and I was so fricken tired but I couldn’t sleep. My sister called and asked if I wanted to go to Trader Joe’s, another grocery store chain. I said sure as I wanted to check out their stuff. I walked around and my back hated me severely. She wanted to go to another store and I told her I would wait in the car. I listened to music while I was waiting.

While I was up late last night, I ordered songs from my favorite female artists. I spent the day listening to the music. I love Mary Chapin Carpenter. I didn’t realize 12 of the 13 songs were just songs she previously recorded. I knew of at least four of them. The others not so much. I have to research to find out which album they are on. I know I don’t have her early stuff. Just stuff from 1992 on, except her only holiday album. I keep wanting to get it and never do.

I rested as much as I could as my sister invited me to go out for her husband’s birthday celebratory dinner. It was supposed to be at a restaurant I liked but they were packed so we went to another Italian restaurant. I didn’t like their food. My nieces didn’t like it either. We took it home. My mother might have it for lunch tomorrow. I had ordered steak tips and they were so plain and not cooked enough. I will cook them and eat them with A1 sauce.

As I was waiting for my brother in law to get ready, there was a baseball game playing between the Tigers and Pirates. They went into extra innings and it became funny. The Tigers manager got ejected for arguing after a replay overrule. In the video, he kept kicking the ground. I found it hysterical. The overrule caused the game to continue to the 13th inning. The Pirates won the came 13-10. It is only the 2nd game of the season, which is why it caused so much fun. Usually beginning games do not go past 9 innings but it’s always fun when there is “free baseball”. Sox won today 1-0. I am not sure who got the win as the score was nothing nothing until the 8th inning. I doubt the starting pitcher, David Price staying in that long. I will look it up later.

My back is still not 100%. My mother had moved the toaster to the kitchen table so she could make cookies. I decided to empty it of crumbs. Both collection trays were full. Then I decided to empty the toaster itself. I got half of the stuff in the trash and the rest on the floor. The sweeping caused my back to hurt, even though I didn’t bend down or anything. I kind of swept more than the area where there were crumbs so that partly is why my back got upset. I hope it doesn’t bother me tomorrow as I really want to make these muffins. I don’t know if my mother is going to be baking anything as my sister bought some desserts for Easter.

I am in a lot of pain and my depression is starting to run high. I just feel so fricken low and there is no reason. Well, sort of. Pain can be a reason, a huge one. While we were walking back to the car, my sisters and nieces were walking pretty fast and I just could not keep up, though I tried. My legs were just hurting too much. The chairs at the restaurant weren’t that comfortable and because they were busy, we had to wait for our food a long time. My ankle was screaming a few times even though I took my pain meds before leaving. I don’t think I am going to do anything tomorrow but rest. The muffins can wait. Nothing will go bad over the next few days.

my aching back

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

My aching back

My lower back was really sore today. I mostly stayed in bed. I had some tea and crumpets for breakfast. I didn’t feel like having anything else. I went back to bed as there was no way I was going to be able to go out. I was too sore.

I wanted to wake up when the baseball game started. Today is Opening Day. I woke up to my phone ringing. It was my best friend calling to tell me there was an inside the park home run. Fuck and I missed it. I saw replays of it. It was awesome. The Sox were up 3-0 but would lose 6-4 in the bottom of the 8th inning. Relief pitching is going to be a problem. They had walked four batters, and the ump didn’t help as he narrowed the strike zone. I hate when umps do that.

I made some hot dogs for dinner. My back was really hurting. I put some heat on it and that didn’t help. My brother in law gave me some lidocaine patches so I have one on now. I hope it helps. I need to renew my T-pass tomorrow. I also want to get my haircut. I don’t care if I go to Starbucks tomorrow or not. Depends on how I feel. I hate feeling so crummy. I need to take a shower. Maybe I will in the morning. My Barber shop doesn’t open till 1030 or 11 tomorrow. That will be a good time for me to shower and the go to the Square.

I took my night meds so I hope to be sleeping by the time I finish my blog. I really don’t want to do anything. I am really sleepy after my nap. My sister had come up and said I didn’t have to make muffins because she bought a lot of desserts for Easter. Tough. I already bought the stuff so need to make them. If I don’t make them tomorrow, I will make them Saturday. I still need to print off the recipe. I got it from King Arthur Flour, I think. I will bring a couple to my therapist on my Monday and my barbers, too.

Last night, I was feeling really suicidal. Pain was making me crazy, between my back and my foot/ankle. I started writing in the draft blog I started a few weeks ago. I just added to it. I don’t know if I am going to publish it or not. It was kind of a revelation when I first created it.

I have decided to restart baclofen at 10 mg at night. I was getting bad cramping in my leg last night. I hope it is not because the CRPS is spreading up my leg. It was really depressing me because I have no idea who to see to talk to about it. My PCP is useless. I was going to try and make an appt with the new neuro but I didn’t feel like dealing with aggravation today. I will try tomorrow. Meds are kicking in so I will write to ya later.

utter nonsense

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Utter nonsense

I woke up around 0830 or so. I wasn’t feeling so great as the migraines were so bad last night I had a very difficult time getting comfortable. Then I got hit with anxiety because I didn’t know if my ankle/foot were going to be acting up too. When I opened the door to my bedroom, the brightness of daylight hurt my eyes. I went to the bathroom and then brushed my teeth. I came back to my room and was hit with another migraine. I wasn’t nauseous like I was last night but damn my head felt like it was going to explode. I took my pill and tried to go to sleep. I also took some Excedrin. Eventually I fell back to sleep. I woke up again around 1130 with the noise of the Price is Right. All sounds seem to be way louder for some reason when your head hurts. The pain was gone but I felt this pressure around my head. I still felt unwell. I got a text from Walgreens saying my script was ready. I decided to take a shower and then go pick it up.

I went downstairs and my mother was having lunch. I took a bite of her sandwich and then made one of my own. She had made this tomato and pickle salad stuff for the sandwich and gave me some for my sandwich. It was good. Then I hopped in the shower. I couldn’t get the water hot enough for me. My ankle and foot were feeling pressure but not pain. The barometric pressure this morning was 30.54. Higher than it has been the past week, hence the migraine activity. I felt human after the shower but my back was hurting me from standing. I had to sit for a bit before I got dressed for the store. I was still having a hard time reading on my phone. My eyes just hurt so bad from the pressure in my head.

I got dressed and then left. I walked to Walgreens and picked up some more lidocaine and some Mylanta. My total, which included my meds, was close to $60. UGH. I can’t wait till my payments are down to 0 in a few months. I came home and I was sweating. It was really warm in the store. I didn’t wear a heavy sweatshirt. It was cold but walking briskly just makes me sweat. I had to change T-shirts when I came home. I rested for a bit and couldn’t decide if I wanted to nap or make a cup of tea. I wanted something sweet so decided to have a protein bar and a cup of tea. My ankle was kind of bothering me, not really painful, but a lot of pressure like someone was squeezing it.

While I was waiting for the water to boil, I decided to watch the ball game. It was the last Spring Training game. In two days, will be Opening Day and I cannot wait. Soon as I watched, my boys scored two runs! Yea! I watched it while I waited for my niece to come home from school. Turns out my niece wasn’t coming home right away as she was doing something at the school. I watched the end of the game and then made dinner as my mother didn’t feel like it. By the time I was done, my ankle was bothering me with a little pain.

I came back up to my room and I am staying here for the rest of the night. I might make another cup of tea. I’ve really been liking Orange Spice. It isn’t caffeinated so I can drink as much as I like. I had to buy another box as I was getting low. I looked at my lab results from Friday and found that my sodium (salt) was low. I wonder if that is why I have been feeling like crap. It was only down by 2 points. I don’t know if that is significant or not. I’ll have to email my psychiatrist because my bipolar med, Trileptal, can cause low sodium levels. I usually have a high salt diet so it’s never been a problem before. I’m starting to feel crappy again so I think I am going to take my meds early and go to sleep. My grocery order should be delivered between 11 and 1 so I need to be up and ready by then. And I want to make oatmeal pancakes because I have been craving them!

The Hunt for Picante Sauce

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders, painsomnia

The hunt for Picante sauce

I was in severe pain last night after taking my night time dose of pain meds. It wasn’t even two mins in my system when I moved to lay down that my ankle exploded in severe pain. It was then the waiting game of what to do/take. I was up till around 4. Around 3 I got hungry and heated up the breakfast burrito I made a few days ago. I wanted something spice and found a packet of picante sauce from McDonalds. YES! It was so good. My belly was full and I was able to get to sleep, though it wasn’t restful as I kept waking up every couple of hours, with my med alarm scaring the crap out of me. I would have stayed in bed but I had to see my therapist. I woke up shortly after 11 so there was no chance of a shower. I went downstairs to brush my teeth and use the bathroom. My mother made pancakes and saved me some. I took them with me to have at Starbucks with my much needed espresso.

I got to Starbucks and had 5 shots of espresso and the pancakes. It was good. I then wrote in my journal until it was time to leave for my therapist’s office. It was bloody cold but I was wearing a heavy sweatshirt and that made me sweat. My ankle was still bothering me so I took a strong pain pill to keep it quiet. In my Painsomnia state, I had written an email to my psychiatrist that was basically telling her I was going through with Plan A. She had responded with some weird inquiries so I had some explaining to do. We exchanged emails and I think everything is sorted. Not quite sure though as she never responded with my last email.

I went to my therapist’s office and session went well. He was surprised that the pain doc and my PCP had decided to go collaborate and not include me in the conversation. It is still a mystery why my psychiatrist needs to be involved. I asked him if the LGBT doc had been in touch with him and he said that they were looking for my entire record from him. He didn’t send it because he wanted to talk to me first and I am glad he did because I do not want them to have the record. They may talk to him, but I do not want what we talk about to be shared. He said that he is willing to write a letter if they need it but it will cost me. I am not worried about that. He said he would prefer a phone call. I agreed. So Friday when I meet with the doc, I will ask him what he wants with my therapist. As of yet, the LGBT doc has not contacted my psychiatrist. I have no idea if he got my medical records or what. Now I am really nervous about the appt.

I am on the fence on moving forward with my transition because of my plan. I am going to send my PCP a message about what he plans on doing with my pain meds. I am planning on picking up the script on Wed, if they are ready. After therapy, I went on my picante sauce hunt. I went to the grocery store at the Square and they had shit selection but no picante sauce. The eggs were also up thirty cents since I bought them Saturday. I went to another grocery store and they had the picante sauce! Yay! I bought three dozen eggs and a half gallon of juice, my kind as the one my sister bought my mother sucks. It is from concentrate and I like it not from concentrate. It just tastes better. I got home and had to shower. I was sweating and because I was holding my urine, I leaked pretty good. I felt gross. I knew my ankle wasn’t going to like it but that is what pain meds were for.

After the shower, I had dinner that my mother made. Then she yelled at me because I spent so much on the eggs. I should have destroyed the receipt but I forgot I left it in the bag. It wasn’t even her money! She said she wasn’t sending me shopping anymore. Fine. Whatever. I don’t give a shit. You buy your eggs and I’ll buy mine!

I just made a cup of orange spice tea and I am going to relax the rest of the night. My back and ankle are killing me. I hope I am not up all night again. I need to clean out my backpack and find out what the hell is so damn heavy. I think I am going to switch to my messenger bag. It is time for a change anyway. Time to rock the Pearl Jam bag!