Tag: bipolar disorder

Sunday 12 Aug 18

I did a lot today when I didn’t want to. I planned on doing the laundry and then resting the rest of the day. My mother decided to call me before 10 am to do it as she emptied the hamper in the bathroom but couldn’t pick up the clothes to bring them in the kitchen. When I got downstairs, I said you should have brought the hamper to the kitchen. She said old habits. She needs new habits as it is much easier to drag an empty hamper to the bathroom than bring multiple loads of clothes to the kitchen. UGH. I put the sorted clothes in the hamper and just dragged it. It was easier to load the washer that way. It was around noon time so I asked my mother what she wanted for lunch. I was thinking tuna and she did too. But I didn’t make “my” tuna. I made hers, which has no taste to it. I didn’t enjoy my lunch.

I had to make brownies as I am seeing my cousins tomorrow. I am to bringing dessert. My cousin is providing lunch. I might bring my bathing suit as she has a pool but it’s supposed to be rainy so not sure it will happen. It will depend how my pain will be. I have to make sure I bring my BT meds with me, just in case.

My feet are dog tired right now. I helped my mother with dinner, which made my dinner warm. I had made a frozen dinner as I didn’t know what else to make. My mother came into the kitchen just as it popped out of the microwave. I was so tired and then while cleaning up, my ankle gave out, painfully. I am seriously debating on putting the heating pad on my feet.

Last night I finished Norse Mythology. I had read one chapter yesterday, with the goal of finishing it later in the day and I did it. It is such a fun book. I really love it. Now I just got to work my way through Poe Shadow by Matthew Pearl. I am going to try and read two chapters after I finish this blog. I wanted to change my sheets today but with the urgency of having to do laundry, I completely forgot. I kind of got the clothes off my bed that needed washing so that was good. Now I just got to clear the corner that likes to get cluttered. It mostly has papers that need to be recycled in the shredder. I think I am going to bring the shredder up to my room and just spend the day doing that. I have a box full of them. Or maybe I will just tape up the box and send it off to a shredder company, LOL. That would be easier.

I had to take a shower today because they are working on our sewer lines and our water would be rusty. My right foot cramped up, twice. It disrupted my routine and I forgot to rinse off half my body as I just wanted to get the fuck out of the shower. So I turned the water back on to rinse off. I was not happy. I dried quickly, though I forgot my back as I was putting my clothes on. I should have just grabbed my clothes and went to my room. I hate being so discombobulated. I was talking to a friend about shaving my head and he told me how to care for the razor and to use a clear gel or oil as dry shaving takes out the skins stuff. So when I get paid next week, I will get some. I am not sure if Walgreens will have it. I will check it out but if it is more than Amazon or CVS, forget. I have been going through blades like crazy and they are really expensive. I am thinking of joining a shaver’s club so I can get them cheaper. I was looking at Gillette as that is what I use and I really like their razors. I have been using them for years. I might get a new handle and use that as my mother has been using mine and doesn’t clean it after she uses it on the few hairs she has on her chin. Pisses me off. Just another thing to get next week. Seems every month I have new things to buy and my budget just gets smaller and smaller. I am also going to a wedding next month so I need to budget for that. I got on a trial for my grocery deliveries so now I am no longer paying $7 in fees. Sweet!

Tired of being exhausted and exasperated

I had another bad night of no sleeping until late in the morning. I honestly have no idea what time I went to sleep. Think I slept for a few hours and then had to use the bathroom because I drank water with a protein bar so I could fight off hunger. I remember it being around 7 am so I took my morning meds after I finagled the alarm times so I could sleep. I didn’t get up till 1330. My sister was over doing something for my mother. I think she just washed the dishes as my mother made eggplant and something else for lunch.

I made the rest of the bacon that I had. Everyone wanted some, which was good as I knew I couldn’t eat it all. I was sad to use it all up though as I won’t be getting more until I get paid in two weeks. I just added another package of bacon to my list of groceries.

My mother sugar dropped after I made some coffee. She said she wanted ice cream instead of juice. I begrudgedly gave her a nice helping but it didn’t bring the sugar up to her “normal” level. She didn’t want juice and it was dinner time. Her stomach was bothering her so she just had a bagel. By then it was up to 125 or so. I don’t think she should have taken the insulin but she doesn’t listen to me. She just does what she wants as she has done for years. I get scared her sugar will drop suddenly.

My sister was calling her while my mother was in the bathroom. She called three times and then called me. I was in a flare and was trying to rest to avoid taking a breakthrough med as it makes me sleepy. So instead of her coming upstairs to check on my mother, I had to fucking do it. I tried calling first and she didn’t answer. I don’t know why my mother doesn’t bring the phone in the bathroom. Whatever. She was fine. I called my sister and she said she knew. Fuck you. I knew her husband had told her because he brought up the mail. I am so sick of checking on my mother every five minutes because either my sister or aunt can’t get a hold of her.

I am also sick of my family not understanding my pain condition and how painful going up and down stairs is for me. I wanted to make brownies today because I am going to see my father’s side of the family on Monday and I need to bring a dessert. It was cool today but humid. I thought I could do it later in the afternoon but my ankle had other plans so it didn’t get done. I have no idea what the weather is going to be like tomorrow. My mother explained how she makes them. I just hope they don’t become hard as a rock. I am not good at making brownies. They always burn or get hard. I always tend to overcook them. Or sometimes undercook them. My mother makes them perfect and they are so yummy.

I went down to have dinner. I was so annoyed at my sister that I didn’t want to eat with my mother. I put my phone on do not disturb, allowing only my mother to call me. After I was finished I asked my mother if she wanted anything and she wanted a cup of tea. I made it for her. Then I went upstairs. I had to use the bathroom afterwards not even ten minutes when I was in my room. I hate that. Back down I went. My mother wanted some Tylenol so I got that for her. Then my sister came up and was just a fussy wus. She is just a fucking worry wart. My mother was hurting and was settling down for the night. She has been going to bed before 8 pm lately because she is tired. She needs her rest if she is going to get well. I understand because I know how exhausting chronic pain can be. She did a lot of things today and I am sure that exhausted her as she hasn’t done those things in a few weeks.

Yesterday, my uncle came over (my mother’s brother). I was putting on my ankle brace and he asked me, as always, how is my back. I shot him a look and the lunatic stood up for him saying he is just asking a question. I wouldn’t mind but it’s the same fucking question every time he sees me! Nothing is wrong with my back anymore. It is my fucking ankle and NO it has nothing to do with my fucking back!! I am seriously thinking of going in the hospital just to get away from these nut cases. But I know it will worry my mother, adding stress to her, and I don’t want to cause that. I just want to do my own fucking things and I can’t. I can’t even read without some annoyance from my sister or lunatic. My sister knows she will be okay alone but yet if she can’t reach her for five fucking minutes, she panics. Uh, hello, I am home. If she falls, I think I will hear her. Let her shit in peace, will ya?