Tag: CES

fricken cold for end of April

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Fricken cold for end of April

It has been freezing today with cold wind and rain. I wanted to pick up my meds but they still aren’t ready and the wait time for the phone was ridiculous. Soon as you were the next caller they hung up on you. So rude. I am so unhappy with this pharmacy. It has been a wreck since it was taken over by another chain. It had gotten better for a while but now regular staff is not there and I have no idea why they aren’t picking up the damn phones. Just aggravating to then stand in line and be told to wait three fricken hours.

I had therapy today but it was frustrating. Therapist wanted me to talk about how I was feeling but I wasn’t feeling anything and not much for talking. I hate morning appointments because I am not awake enough to be in a mood. I think I am going to have to start writing some stuff down to talk about because I keep on being blank. I took a three hour nap afterwards that I am still tired from. I just cannot get going today. I wanted to shower but it is so fricken cold I don’t feel like it. Tomorrow supposed to rain, too. Fricken sucks. I hope my prescription is ready or I will be pissed. I will have to go twice to the pharmacy to get it squared away. I am almost done with my current script so I need it filled like today. I am so aggravated that this is taking so damn long.

I wish I was more talkative during therapy but there wasn’t things I wanted to discuss. She tried getting me to talk about my feelings but it was hard as I wasn’t feeling them at the time. We talked about ways of coping with the feelings when they came up. I said I would write or color and she wanted something more but I didn’t have any ideas. I should have said music as that is my go to when I am upset. I have been playing a lot of Mary Chapin to calm down. It is just soothing music. I can’t wait till her new album comes out. I am not sure when it will given the present circumstances. This virus is taking a toll on every thing. I am feeling so cooped up and want to go out to go to Starbucks but I can’t because I don’t even know if they are open. I wouldn’t want to take public transportation now anyway. The city I live in just called for mandatory masks when out in public. I think that is a good idea. It will be a $300 fine if you don’t have one. Yikes! I am glad my sister gave me one because I misplaced the one I had. I had bought a few that are washable. I think they are coming from China so I probably won’t get them till next month.

I got a new book today called Untamed. I am not sure what it is about but I heard it was good. I plan on reading it after I finish the Neil Gaiman book that I am reading, whenever that is. I haven’t been good with reading lately. I have the time but I mostly just end up on social media and my time flies. If I don’t make the time to read, I don’t. The book that I am reading is getting weird so I am not sure I want to continue with it. I love Gaiman but his book are creepy at times. The images he conjures up are sometimes startling. I never forgot reading American Gods and how a woman god was turned into hamburger by being run over repeatedly. Freaky and I read this book like 3 years ago.

I should shower and shave. I might do that tomorrow. It is supposed to be a little warmer. But it is going to be a wet week. UGH. I know we need the rain but sucks the weather being cold. Just glad it isn’t snowing.

Sunday Blog 19042020

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, cauda equina syndrome, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Sunday Blog 19042020

I didn’t sleep well last night so I slept for most of the day today. I took my night meds early so I could possibly be asleep by 9p tonight. I already took muscle relaxers because my back was spazzing up a storm. My sister never went grocery shopping so I am hoping tomorrow my brother in law will take me. I need cereal, Gatorade, and other stuff. Most importantly Gatorade as my supply is good only for about 5 days. I really would like 32 oz bottles rather than the 20 oz that I have. That 12 ounce difference makes a huge deal. I’m hoping that it will be after 11 am when I am free. I have a 10a therapy session so I won’t be able to go until then.

I have been thinking of upgrading my phone but I am not sure I can afford to do so. If I do, I will have to take away the extra line I am paying for. I should do that anyway as the line is not being used at all. I wanted to keep it so that I had another number in case I wanted someone to call me but I got a google voice number to give out now. I got a text only number for my kindle as well so there is no reason for me to pay for another line. I still have the phone in case something happens to my phone. I paid off so both phones I own. I would like to get the Samsung 10 Note. I know it is bigger than my current phone but it comes with a pen and I would love to be able to write notes on my phone which I can’t do on the one I have. Or I might just wait till the dust settles for the Galaxy 20 model.

The PT I have called me tonight to set up a time for tomorrow. I won’t be able to go shopping like I thought I would. I might have to have my brother in law drop me off and pick me up. Depends how I feel after PT. I wish I could just order online as that would be ideal but I don’t have the money right now to do so. I just have my food stamps which can only be used in stores. Hope one day I can use it for online shopping.

Saturday Blog 18042020

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, cauda equina syndrome, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Saturday Blog 18042020

I am on day 999 of being at home. The weatherman was right. We did get snow so I won’t be going out as it is too slippery out. I was talking with my family last night and one of my cousins said her water boiler went so she doesn’t have heat. I am worried about her and her husband. It is cold and they just have a wood stove but it isn’t warming up the house. I hope she will be okay.

I have been in pain all morning. I woke up at 9 to take my morning meds and couldn’t go back to sleep. My back is all knotted up and shit. I took a shower and that made everything worse. I feel like my legs are not going to support me because my back is so out of it. I just took some meds to try and calm things down. I am so out of shape. I came upstairs and lately I just have been so out of breath by the time I get to my bed. I hate it. I don’t know when this endurance/stamina is going to come back to me. They say if you do it a few times a day you will get there. I have been doing this every day since coming home from the hospital and there has been no change. I just get so fricken tired so easily. And then I can’t sleep. I was up till 4a because pain was keeping me up. I felt like writing so I wrote a friend an email about my troubles. She was kind enough to answer the questions I had for her. She understands what I go through because she has gone through it herself.

I am trying to set up a zoom meeting with a friend for today. She is up in Canada. She is my best friend. We talk about everything and anything. It is so weird that we are so apart yet have the same symptoms and stuff. She used to cath but now she doesn’t. I hope that will be the case for me, though it isn’t looking like it will be right now. It seems every other day I need to cath and every other day I can void on my own. It is so weird. I don’t know why it is like this. It is driving me crazy that it is like this because it gives me the false hope that things are going back to normal but it doesn’t work out that way. I am so getting troubled by it. I need to talk to my therapist about it but I am not sure she will understand. I was so comfortable telling my other therapist of 16 years all about my bowels and bladder issues. I am not so comfortable with my current therapist. She is good and picks up on things. Sometimes that scares me that she does this because my other therapist didn’t so much. But then the other therapist liked to talk during the session rather than have me talk. In a way I am glad that I don’t see her anymore because I am getting the help I need with my current therapist. Eventually I will start DBT group and I am not looking forward to it. This will be when COVID flattens out a bit. I haven’t joined a group yet because of my back surgery and recovery and now the virus is making it so no gatherings are possible. Not sure how groups are going to be like when things resume. Maybe they will have a zoom meeting if everyone has the capability of doing so.

Foot has gone back to being a fuck. It is twitching again and there is nothing I can take to calm it down. I fucking hate this symptom of CRPS (complex regional pain syndrome). It started last night around 3 am and is continuing now. It is making me feel so hopeless and suicidal. I texted my therapist and she asked if I could take meds. I told her I took some but they aren’t really going to help the shaking/twitching sensation. I don’t know if there is anything I can take for this symptom. I asked my support group if there is something. Maybe there is and I just don’t know. My neurologist just wants me to increase the gabapentin but that makes me dopey as all hell and I tend to walk into walls if I take it during the day. This is why I take it mostly at night so that doesn’t happen. If I do need to take it during the day, I will take the least amount that I can to try and control some of the symptoms. My foot is fucking vibrating right now and not in a good way. It is so fricken painful. I think I might take some gaba now and see if that helps. I don’t have to leave my room till 5 anyway. It is 2 right now. I hope to get some sleep before dinner. My niece is making a ham and her mashed potatoes. Her mashed potatoes are the bomb. They are so good!

a Good Friday

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

A good Friday

I had a pretty good day today despite being in a lot of pain right now. I talked with a friend who is in lockdown at his assisted living center. He nor the other residents of the place are allowed to leave the premises so he walks the corridors to get some exercise. We spent a good hour or so talking, which is the most time I have ever talked with him. Usually it is just a few short minutes so I was glad to converse with him. I told him about my back surgery and the reason why I had to have it done. I felt awkward when I first was cathing telling him but he was understanding when I told him today. He is a really good friend.

The evening I had a zoom meeting with my cousins. It was good to talk to them. It went over the allotted time so I got disconnected but we reconnected a few minutes later. I love my family. We always have fun when we get together, even if it is over the internet. One of my cousins commented on my hair saying that I should keep it long on top and then just buzz the sides and back. HAHAHA That is usually how I have my hair cut but with the virus I haven’t seen my barber in two months. This is the longest I have gone without a haircut.

I have been discharged from occupational therapy. The OT came today to assess whether I had showered okay and that I was using the equipment to get dressed. I really haven’t been getting dressed but will use the things if I need to go out. I haven’t really left my house in a while. I might go out tomorrow just to get some air if there isn’t that much snow on the ground. We are supposed to get at least two inches tonight but I think it will be rain as the temp right now is 45 degrees so unless it drops suddenly, I don’t think we will get snow. I hope not anyways.

I saw a post by the Counting Crows on FB and I had to listen to their music as it has been ages since I last played their music. My favorite album is August and Everything After. For some reason I don’t have the name of the songs just the track number. I keep meaning to change it but it is such a pain to “rename” music as you have to do it individually and to different fields or it won’t save. I don’t know why it didn’t transfer over when I first burned it to my phone. Sometimes the transfer loses information going to devices.

I wanted to shower today but I have been so exhausted that I didn’t want to exert myself by taking one. The OT suggested to take them at night so that I can sleep better but I don’t like taking them at night unless I really have to. I will try and take it tomorrow morning. I asked my sister if she would help me change my sheets tomorrow. She said she would. We’ll see. She is going to the grocery store for me tomorrow. I gave her a list. I hope she can get me the Gatorade that I need. I need that more than coffee.