Tag: coffee

Early wake up so feeling like shit

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Early wake up so feeling like shit

Yesterday I woke up early but I only slept for about 3-4 hours. I didn’t go to bed till around 4-430 am because pain was keeping me up. I kind of woke up okay. I had breakfast and coffee. Then I decided to make my mother her chocolate cake. I thought I would make my pumpkin cake after but never did. Once the chocolate cake came out of the oven, I was starting to get drowsy again despite having two cups of coffee. I took a nap and was done for the day.

I kind of woke up around 6pm. I had to eat something so decided to make a tuna sandwich. Pain was giving me grief. I am glad the Sox game wasn’t on. I wouldn’t have been able to stay up to watch it. I took my meds and then sort of waited for them to kick in. Around 9 or 10 I was getting more pain so took some Neurontin and an hour later, I was finally able to go back to sleep.

I woke up today around 5. I knew if I went back to sleep I would feel like shit afterwards but I was starting to feel tired an hour later. I took my morning meds and fixed it so the med alarm wouldn’t wake me up. I slept till around 10 or so. I still haven’t made my pumpkin cake. I had to go to the pharmacy to get my meds and because my mother distracted me, I refilled my meds for tomorrow rather than today. I was hoping they would fill it when I got there but they didn’t. One was out of stock. It takes a couple days to come in. Not sure if it will come in tomorrow or Wednesday. Last month it took three days to come in. So I will pick up the other meds when they are done and then go again to the store to pick up the out of stock one whenever it comes in.

It took a lot of energy to get to the store and back. I had to psyche myself up. I just had no energy and even now I feel like I need a nap. I am not making the cake. I just have no motivation for it. Maybe tomorrow. I also need to change my sheets as I got fricken chocolate cake on them. Have no idea how. They must have been on my pajamas and I didn’t know. I am so annoyed.

I bought some feminine products just in case I get my menses this week. I had a whole new package but slowly my sisters and niece used up my pads. I had to borrow money from my sister to get them. I haven’t decided if I am going to pay her back or not as she and her daughters used my pads! I got a little extra so I could get pizza later this week. That is all I care about. I hate being broke. Next month will be a little better as I won’t be playing catch up with my bills.

I am listening to the radio on the radio. I couldn’t be bothered with technology. The app I used kept on crashing. It was annoying me! Though the new updated FB app is worse than what it was before. New notifications don’t update, unless you click on an old notification. So damn stupid. I am almost done with the fucking thing. I wish I could say that Twitter was better but the political stuff is really upsetting me. On Friday, I muted accounts I was following for those kind of posts. I just can’t deal. I think I am going to continue to do that so I just have sports and cute animals showing, you know, how it was before the Orange Buffoon came into office.

Sox are tied with the Snakes. I am hoping to just listen to the game though they have an analyst that annoys me and when the broadcaster goes with him, I have no idea what the fuck is going on with the game. I had to shut the radio off when the snakes scored a grand slam, which I had no idea the bases were full. I have been having problems with the broadcaster all season. I finally realized that he tries to be an analyst and that is why I lose track in what is going on. I am not watching the game so it not like they can continue to talk about shit rather than the play by play. That is the whole fucking point of radio, a play by play. I might complain to the radio station because he is horrible. Hope I can tolerate tonight because my foot is bothering me so I won’t be able to watch and the TBS announcers are so far up Snakes butt it isn’t funny. Just horrible!

baking on a cold, rainy day

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Baking on a cold, rainy day

I had a difficult sleep. My alarm went off and I was disoriented as I didn’t know what the noise was. I shut it off and waited a few minutes before getting up to take my meds. Then I went back to sleep, which was oblivion for me. I woke up and because it was dark and cloudy, I had no idea of the time. I hoped it wasn’t after 2pm and when I reached for my phone, it wasn’t. It was around 1230. Perfect. I went downstairs. Brushed my teeth and used the bathroom. Then I made a fried egg. I wanted to make the lemon loaf today. I took my time before committing to it. I was still tired and wanted coffee. I had bought the premade Starbucks iced coffee. I made that. One of my creamers was knocked down and leaked. There was nothing left in the container. There was only a little bit in it anyway so not a huge leak. I grabbed my half and half. I thought it was the opened one and it wasn’t. WTF. I grabbed the opened one and used it all. I opened the one that was new and put it back in the fridge. Least I wouldn’t have to struggle with the damn top to open it when I used it next.

After I had my coffee and food, I decided to make it. I got all the ingredients ready. I had no idea 8 oz of sour cream equaled a cup. I had opened one and I am glad I bought another one, which is sweet because I like having sour cream with my chimichangas. I mixed everything together and then I put the batter in the loaf pan with the parchment paper. As I was pouring the batter, one side of the parchment paper got jealous of not having batter so got in the way. Yea, so I had to scrap that off and then pour again. I didn’t flatten out the sides too well as the paper was indented in the batter. I didn’t really care. Popped it in the oven and waited for it to cook. When it was done, I let it cool and then put it on a rack. I took off the paper and one end had a huge indent. Looked like the butt of a chicken (as you will see in the photo). I made the glaze and it didn’t taste right. I asked my mother if this was thick enough and she said no. I added regular sugar rather than powdered as it tasted chalky. I made it a little thicker. The loaf had cooled off and then I put the glaze on. It didn’t stay on top! It all fell to the bottom of the cake holder. I suck at this. I didn’t eat it (though I wanted to) because my mother was making dinner and would be upset if I got full off the loaf and not her pork chops.

I went upstairs to relax. It was cold in my room. I played on my phone for a while. I mostly been on Facebook all day. I have decided to take a Twitter break right now. Last night I got really upset because of all the shit of the hearing and everyone had an opinion on the lying assaulting bastard. I hated that the fucking gov’t was interfering with the FBI, telling the FBI who it can and can’t contact. There were conflicting reports on this. One said it could contact people and then another saying it couldn’t. Both tweets were “BREAKING” and not by a news source so I don’t believe either. People seem to want to add “breaking” to their tweet just to get RT and likes. Pathetic!!! I do know the FBI was limited. I don’t know if that has been lifted or changed. And I heard that the Dotard is somehow involved in who and who can’t be talked to so I don’t know what to fucking believe. It is a damn circus. I find it upsetting because as a survivor of abuse, this is just triggering. This is why I didn’t report my abuse. And I will never come forward with my ex who raped me because it will be a she said kind of thing. It has been going on for more than a week now and I am sick of it. The Senate will vote anyway so shows how much they fucking care about the integrity of the man they are putting in for a lifetime commitment. But the Senate is so corrupted anyways it isn’t even funny.

I have no distractions until Friday, when baseball will be played. We have no idea who we are playing until the results of tomorrow night’s game. I don’t know who I want to win. Oakland has been tough all year with us. The snakes are the snakes but might be easier to beat as I don’t think most players have been in the postseason before. I am just worried about game 2 as OverPrice is pitching. He might wake up with an ass ache and decide he isn’t going to pitch or goes ahead and pitch poorly. I hope he opts out this year. I don’t want to see his face on my team anymore. He has been nothing but drama the day he signed the contract.

Painful Saturday Blog 29 Sept 18

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders, suicide

Painful Saturday blog 29 Sept 18

I woke up before 8 as bladder said so. I went and when I came back to my room and in my bed, my foot exploded. I took my morning pain meds. I waited a half hour and the pain didn’t calm down, I took a breakthrough med. There wasn’t a hell of a lot that I needed to do today but having pain that early in the morning was not good. The pharmacy wasn’t going to be open till 10. That gave it some time to settle down.

I made breakfast. I was going to make scrambled eggs and make it into a burrito. However, soon as I put the butter in the pan to melt, I forgot the scrambled part so had country style eggs. I put cheese in it and on the burrito tortilla. I barely finished it. It always makes me so full. I decided to make coffee. I ended up spilling it on myself. I went to take a sip and I tipped my cup before it reached my lips. Oops! So after I finished the coffee, I decided to shave and shower. My back didn’t like it. By the time I was finished shaving, I had to sit down. Whatever my brother in law did to the water control changed the hot/cold settings. I had it on half way and the water was warm so I moved it over a little bit more to get hotter water. I hate when it touches things because he always fucks things up.

Showering was fun as I had to sit down every 3 minutes or so. It wasn’t just my lower back that was hurting, my upper back was also cramping. I have no idea why this is happening. I hope when I go to the pain program they can figure out why this happens. I went upstairs and got dressed. I didn’t put my PJs on as it was after 10 and I needed to go to the pharmacy. I rested for a bit. Then I didn’t know what to wear, jeans or shorts. It was 65 degrees out so I opted for shorts. I was glad because I was halfway down the block before I realized I forgot my scripts at home. Do’h! I was sweating by the time I walked back to the pharmacy. I have no idea why I was sweating so much. It wasn’t really hot out or hot in the store. I guess the exertion of walking just makes me sweat, I don’t know. I had my cane with me because I didn’t want to wear my air cast for my sprain.

I came home and thought I would need another shower. I took off my shirt and it was soaked. I dried off and just rested. I wasn’t in too much pain. The pain meds were working. Around 1230, I got hungry again so made some bacon. I always use at least a quarter pound when I make my sandwich. I love bacon. And this time I didn’t get a pound of fat like I did last delivery. This was decent cut.

I came back to my room and my foot again flared up. It was about 4 hours after I took my meds. I waited to see if rest would calm it down. Twenty minutes later I was still hurting so I took another BT med. While I was waiting for it to work, I was reading Twitter. The game was on but it was on Fox and I hate that network. I didn’t feel like listening so just read Twitter. I read a thread about how an author who wrote about a princess hero keeps getting asked by educators, librarians, and parents when she will write a book about a boy hero. Her response is that there shouldn’t be a gender associated with a book and there are boys that like this book. But in the adult world, they hate to see that so make the assumption a boy hero is needed. It got me thinking about my books and why they are not selling well, if at all. I came up with this thread (a thread is a string of tweets that relate to what the Twitter writer strings together):

I was reading a thread about an author who wrote a princess hero and teachers/librarians/booksellers kept asking questions about when the author would write something for boys. The author said that the book was a book not a gender type thing. It got me thinking of my books. They haven’t been best sellers and I know part of it is that I need to promote them more. But family members have asked me to write happier books. I am not a happy person. I write the darkness that is inside of me. Some people can relate but most judge a book by its cover. It deals with #mentalillness, forget not touching it. It deals w #suicide not touching it. Why are things so scary for people to read? I share my pain so others can possibly understand and know they aren’t alone. I let the darkness out so it doesn’t stay inside to eat me up. Yes what I write can be scary to others. I guess I can relate to the author but on a different level.

Sprain, Pain, and physical therapy

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Sprain, Pain, and physical therapy

I had PT today. I had to have my cousin drop me on the station because I was low on the my pass funds, again. I have had to put $15 on the ticket so far because I use it so much. I am definitely getting a monthly pass when my card comes in. Luckily, I don’t have to go again till Monday. I hope the pass comes in the mail by then.

I told my therapist I was worried I sprained it again. She reassured me that unless I fall, I cannot sprain my ankle again. She said I am overdoing the exercises as I am just supposed to do three sets of each exercises. I have been doing like 15 reps per exercise which obviously caused my muscles to me sore. I guess more isn’t better in this case. She told me about the pain program wanted to overlap our sessions with theirs as my sprain isn’t better and my leg isn’t as strong. She will also tell me when the program will begin, though they may call me. They tried to call me last week but for some reason my phone was rejecting the call. It was really weird. I restarted my phone but the same thing happened when my repro endo doc’s secretary tried calling me. It went right to voicemail.

I called my pain clinic and my scripts were ready for pick up. I am glad I went today because it is going to rain all day tomorrow. It was so damn hard because I had to stand most of the way and then walk to the building to pick them up. The syringes for my testosterone has been called in. I had to call the pharmacy to check on availability and they ended up switching to a different manufacturer so I could have them. I still have the problem of the needle being bigger than the vial. I called my PCP’s nurse and she agreed to do it, but I can’t bring in the med to inject. They will show me how using saline. Okay. But that doesn’t solve the problem. I was never a nurse so have no idea how I am to draw the stuff using a big needle. I plan on bringing the vial anyways to show her and then maybe she can just give me a tip on how to draw the stuff. The doc gave me 1ML syringes and I am to draw 0.25 mLs. I got that part. I used to be a medical assistant so know how to draw but I asked for a smaller needle and didn’t get it. UGH!!! Anyways, Wednesday will be my starting day for transition. I hope I can do this!

I came home after the pick up of pain scripts. I also got some stuff at the pharmacy while I was there. I am so tired and my ankle is berserk right now. I stood too long waiting for the damn bus and walking around the hospital. I got a coffee while I was there, a real French vanilla coffee. It was so good. I had to sit for a while but that was a mistake because I didn’t want to get up afterwards. I was starving when I came home but I was also hot so went upstairs to change and rest a bit before eating. My mother was making butternut squash and eggplant. I decided to have the leftover chicken cutlets and squash. It was so good. Butternut squash is my favorite kind of squash. I usually just have it at Thanksgivings all mashed up with butter and brown sugar. But I just had it plain with a little salt on it. It was so good. Then I had a lemon yogurt for dessert.

I did a lot of shit today. I am so happy I didn’t injure my ankle again. I am going to try and just rest tomorrow but I might bake. I really want to try the lemon loaf I’ve been dying to make. I bought more lemons so I could make it. I think I am going to do it sometime this weekend. That is the plan anyway.