Tag: complex regional pain syndrome

might be storms so back is hurting

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Might be storms so back is hurting

I can’t seem to get away from pain the last few weeks. The weather is wrecking havoc on me. There might be thunderstorms this afternoon so my back is in a tizzy. I am hurting so much it is difficult to move. And my damn ankle/foot is going berserk on me. I am so damn tired, physically and mentally of being in pain all the time. I just want to sleep but I can’t get comfortable.

I’m also getting hungry. I think I might have some granola cereal. Monday when I went to the store, I wanted to get another box but they were all out. None of the other kinds of granola looked good to me as it had raisins or blueberries. I just like oats and honey. I will order two boxes when I do my grocery shopping at the end of the month.

I had some bad dreams today. One had very bad music in my head about dying. My brain has been making up lyrics and melodies. This was the first time it was bad stuff. I don’t remember it now but it was very upsetting. I hope it goes away. I texted my ex-therapist. I really miss her. She responded saying she misses me too and that she thinks of me often. I wish we could have a coffee or something but I don’t think that would be appropriate. It really sucks that we ended. Her birthday is this coming Monday. I will text her a Happy Birthday message. I’ve been doing it for a long time.

The Red Sox had a walk off Home run by my new favorite catcher, Christian Vazquez. He is so adorable and quick to throw out base stealers. I really like him. I am glad he won the game with his homer. Otherwise, they probably would still be playing in extra innings. We are back in first because the Skankees lost. It’s only by half a game but I’ll take it. There is only two more months of regular season baseball so every win counts.

It’s supposed to be really humid today. I’m not going to like it so I’m not sure I will go out for my espresso and steak and egg wrap. That is my new favorite breakfast sandwich at Starbucks. It is so good. I like it better than the bacon sandwiches I usually get. The rewards for this week is to get a double smoke bacon sandwich, a mocha, and then a mocha frappachino. I don’t like frappuchinos. I have had this type of reward before. I just don’t feel like participating in it this week. I just like my espresso with soy milk. I still like a mocha but I have gotten used to just espresso. Less calories.

If I stay home, I will make my egg and cheese wrap with the last lavash bread that I have. I can’t believe the package only has 4 wraps. Oh well. Maybe I will order it on my next grocery list. It is pretty good. I will also make my Hawaiian coffee. It is much better than Pike. I love the hazelnut notes in it. It is as strong as Pike but with a different taste.

I ordered another book called, Fire on the Mountain. It’s a historical fiction book based on what if Harper had succeeded in the South during the American Civil War. I like reading those kind of things. I really want to re-read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, which is the last book in the series. It’s be on Twitter the past week or so because last week was the anniversary of its release. I have read it many times. It’s probably one of my favorites of the series. The book I have is hardcover and paperback. The hardcover has been on my rug for some time now. It’s kind of buried with stuff on top of it. If I dig it out, I hope it doesn’t cause an avalanche. That would suck.

I’m going to eat something and then try and sleep. Later my readers.

a low key day

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Very low key day

I woke up around 0230 and didn’t go back to sleep till around 7/8. Around 0600, I decided to make breakfast because I was getting hungry. I made scrambled eggs with pepper jack cheese in a lavash bread that I bought yesterday. It was really good. I then decided to make my new coffee, which turned out to be a mistake. By the time it was done, I was falling asleep. I drank some it, hoping it would keep me awake but my tiredness overwhelmed the coffee’s effects. The mug was stainless steel and kept coffee hot so I grabbed the cover and tightly put it on. I didn’t want to waste my delicious, expensive coffee on the first cup! I went back to sleep and slept till around 1315.

I woke up again hungry. I drank my coffee and it was warm. I had a few more sips of it and then I couldn’t drink anymore. It was a big mug. I wanted to make turkey roll ups with cranberry sauce so I did. It was so good, I made two. Then I got sleepy again. While I slept, my phone went off but I didn’t answer the call. I figured it was my mother telling me dinner was ready. I was wrong. It was my doctor’s office calling me about a prescription I requested early this morning or last night. I don’t remember. She said she would email me through their secure email service so I checked it a little while later. The medication is drops for my ears because I have eczema. My ear canals have been really itchy lately and the drops that I have are expired. I don’t have anymore refills because those are expired as well. I don’t use the drops every day, just when my ears are itchy. The email asked if I had an ear infection of some sort. So I replied and had to explain why I needed the drops. I will call tomorrow if it doesn’t get called in. Kind of weird that I put in the request early in the morning and they didn’t call me until after closing time.

My pain has been bad all day. I made myself two meals and my ankle didn’t like it at all. I took my night meds a little while ago. I really have just been sleeping all day, waking up because my pain meds wore off. This condition is terrible. I hate being in pain all the time. I could see if I went out or something but I didn’t. I know it’s more like a recovery day for me as yesterday I did a lot of things. I am glad the heating pad that I used to ease the soreness on the bottom of my foot helped. I really need to get some kind of cushion for my AFO.

Sox are losing right now. Someone threw a stat out that Sale has gone so many innings without a run and I replied saying you just jinx him. He gave up 3 in the first inning. Asshole whoever that person was. If I saved the tweet, I would have shoved it in his face.

I need to change my sheets. I spilled a little coffee on them when I took the sip to see if it was hot. The foam topper is shifting again, pulling to one side so I guess I will have something to do tomorrow, if my pain is low. It shouldn’t take me too long as my bed, though a mess, is still fairly easy to clear off. I just hate changing sheets.

therapy and food shopping

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Therapy and food shopping

I woke up before my alarm went off. I brushed my teeth and used the bathroom. I thought about a shower but opted against it. I called my psych and spoke to her for a bit. She wanted to know how I was doing. I told her it varies. Right then, I was okay and kind of looking forward to therapy as I needed someone to talk to. She welcomed the idea. She then said see you Friday and I agreed to meet with her then.

My niece came by to collect her phone. My crazy cousin came with her. She was spewing the latest health bullshit. Swimming helped her friend get off all her psych meds so she is going to try it. She then listed all of the benefits. Nothing I hadn’t heard or read before. Then she started yapping away about anything and everything. All that kept going in my mind was, when are you going to fucking leave???!!! She said she had to go to the cemetery to visit her grandmother as it was her birthday. She left, my niece leaving with her. I went back upstairs to my room. I was tired but didn’t want to sleep. I got dressed and caught the next bus.

I spent most of the afternoon at Starbucks before my therapy appointment. About three minutes before he was to call me in, I wanted to bolt. I don’t know why I get that way. I didn’t leave and met with him. I didn’t know what to talk about with him. I know we talked about the hospital and then he said I was angry. I was like yea, I am because I went to get help and didn’t get it. Then he said you get that a lot don’t you. I nearly flipped on him at that point but kept my mouth shut. I didn’t say anything. Actually, I don’t think I spoke for the rest of the session. Before leaving he said we’ll be meeting next week and then he will be on vacation. Fine with me. Take the rest of the month off. I don’t care. He is so useless to me. I just see him to waste money, like I do everything else in my life. I honestly don’t know why I see him.

After therapy, I got to the square and caught the bus to a Stop and Shop that was closer to my house. It was really warm today and my back was hurting me. I had to get deli meat and of course there was a line. You couldn’t put in an order and continue shopping. The number was 137 and I had 142 so I didn’t have to wait too long. Unfortunately, things that I wanted were on the other side of the store. My foot got a spasm and I knew I had to hurry up or I was going to pay for it. My back didn’t like standing for twenty minutes. I was dragging by the time I got everything I needed and left. I then went to Walgreens to get my scripts and my order. I was sweating really bad, so bad that my sunglasses kept sliding down on my face. I basically crawled home because my foot felt like I was walking on rocks. I need to get cushions for my AFO (ankle foot orthotic).

I came home and collapsed into a chair. I asked my mother to get me some water but she didn’t know how to operate the 2.5 gallon jug so I had to get up and get myself the water. I then had the dinner she made before putting the groceries away. Tomorrow I will have a nice turkey and cranberry wrap. I bought flaxseed lavish bread. I usually don’t buy it because I am the only one that likes it and I usually end up eating just one or two in the pack. Maybe I will make some scrambled eggs and roll them up in the bread. It’s not a flour tortilla but close enough.

I was drenched so decided to shower. I had peed myself anyway as my underwear was really wet with pee and sweat. My foot did not like it and cramped on me while I was washing my hair. I didn’t care. I was going to use the new bath gel that I bought but I needed a quick shower so just used my regular soap, rinsed, and dried. I went up to my hot room and quickly turned on the AC. Before I went on my bed, I took my meds and grabbed my phone so I didn’t have to get up again. As my laptop booted up, I took my pain meds. I hadn’t taken any since this morning. I didn’t bring them with me while I was out.

Needless to say, I am exhausted. Next week I hope to catch a later bus because the 1200 is too early and I get bored by 1400. There is only so much journal writing I can do before my mind wanders. I hope I sleep tonight but I am in a lot of pain so I might now. I got my Ka’u coffee grounded so I will have that tomorrow. I am not planning on going out tomorrow unless espresso calls me. I got to call the dentist and verify that my appointment with him is on this Thursday. I think she said the 3rd but I want to make sure.

burgers and nectarines, Oh My!

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Burgers and nectarines, oh my!

I didn’t go to sleep till around 0600. Then I woke up nearly every two hours. I had shut off my phone so I could sleep without interruptions. I am glad I did because my sister called me around 1130. I didn’t wake up fully till about 1415. I was wicked tired and had a headache. I made coffee and the first sip woke me up. Nothing better than that!

I thought my sister would have made the burgers but she wasn’t home. I thought about going to Walgreens to pick up my scripts and the order I placed, but my ankle started acting up about half way through my coffee. I didn’t feel like going out. I will just get them tomorrow.

By the time I checked the score of the ball game, it was around 1600. I briefly participated in the weekly BPD chat on Twitter. Then hunger got the better of me and I got the burgers from my sister. I made them for my mother and I. My mother didn’t like them. She never likes food that she doesn’t cook or buy, especially when it comes to meat. I had one and half burgers and then a nectarine. It was good. I was pretty full and then went up to my room.

While I was up in the middle of the night, I wanted to try out the camera on my phone so I took some selfies. I have a fairly thick set of chin hairs and took pics of them. Then I titled the pics about it saying I was a transman. My 2nd oldest niece liked the pics. I don’t know if she knows what transman is. I haven’t come out to her as she is a little immature and has a blabber mouth. I was hoping to give her the phone that I got her but she hasn’t come by yet. I don’t know when she will. Kids.

I’m hoping to take my meds a little later than I usually take them so maybe that will be the trick in me sleeping before midnight. It’s getting dicey staying up that late because if I am in pain, I am up all night or most of it. I emailed my psych before I went to sleep to tell her of my sleep troubles. She responded asking me to check in with her tomorrow and is hoping staying up all night reset my sleep cycle. I feel really tired and can go back to sleep but I’m not going to. I will try and stay up till 2100 and then shut off my electronics to sleep. I think I will read and see if that works.

Damn ankle is stabbing me. I just took some pain meds while I was drinking my coffee so I can only take the strong pain pill, which is my breakthrough med. Thing is, I am constipated so taking more of this pill will just make matters worse. I will put some lidocaine on it when I finish writing this blog. Lidocaine has been a lifesaver for me. It was working well last night until I moved my fucking ankle. Then all hell broke loose and I couldn’t sleep till 0600. Guess I am not taking a shower like I wanted to. I’ll have to take it tomorrow or whenever this pain settles down.

Lately, I have just been eating one meal a day. Yesterday I had some soup and eggplant followed by a steak and cheese sub with fries. Today was just burgers and a nectarine. I think I will have some cherries later. They are good. My mother doesn’t like them but whatever. I swear her taste buds are going as she ages. Nothing tastes right for her anymore, unless she makes/cooks it. I don’t get it. It kind of worries me that something neurological is going on.