Tag: disability

writing on a Monday

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Writing on a Monday

I’ve had two cups of coffee to ward off tiredness and the second cup has finally fueled my fire! Tomorrow evening I will be going to a webinar about writing as a caretaker. I hope this helps with some of the frustration I get with my mother and her chronic health issues, particularly her diabetes and chronic pain. The person leading the webinar is a renowned writer at the Massachusetts General Hosp. I have known her for years, by name only so this will be a treat to finally meet her. I took out my portfolio and was glad to find that one of my favorite pens was inside. That will be excellent writing material.

My appointment with my therapist is less than 3 hours from now. I am kind of nervous about going as I am in a bitchy mood. I want to text my therapist to tell her this but last time it didn’t go well and I got more angry and annoyed. It has only been a week since I last saw her but it feels like ages.

I just emptied my bladder and I am having pain. I don’t understand why. I wasn’t that full. I was just emptying my first cup of coffee. I will be emptying my second in a couple hours. I also need to brush my teeth. I bought Listerine so I can try and get rid of this canker in the back of my mouth. I know salt and water would probably work but it makes me gag so I rather use mouthwash.

I am finally out of the haze the flu shot put me under. Past few days have been rough with me sleeping all day. Today I am feeling a little more alert. I didn’t sleep well. I woke up at 6 and gave up as I was just resting my eyes and not really snoozing or sleeping. I had woke up to pee around 4 and just couldn’t get back to sleep. I probably will take a nap after therapy. I usually do.

I wore underwear and a pad last night. So far, pad is clean. No discharge, which is awesome. I am waiting for the nurse to call as she said she would check in with me. I hope it is before my appointment with my therapist. She also wants to call to see how my wound is. I think it is better as it has closed up. I have a band aid on it right now to keep it clean.

I am going to try and keep myself hydrated today. I have been really bad about that the past few days because I was sleeping on most of the day. I have to clear the recycles that have been accumulating on my bed and empty my bedside trash. Sox are off tonight. They have eleven games left in the season. They have a chance of playing in the wild card if they continue to win games. I already am feeling nervous about these final games. Going to need Ativan for listening to them.

anxious about upcoming surgery

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Anxious about upcoming surgery

My anxiety is helping me get things done that I need to. I took out my trash and recycles today. My new sponges came early today so I took a shower with it. The special soap got really lathery with the sponge so I think I am going to use that from now on. It was tough getting in the shower because I didn’t feel like taking one. I knew this was going to be an issue. I didn’t wash my hair as I washed it yesterday. Tomorrow I will shower when I get home from PT. I will probably be sweaty. Today was cooler but there was humidity in the air. I had to have the AC going to keep the air dry in my room.

Therapy went ok. I don’t know if I will see her next week. It depends on how I feel. I honestly don’t think I will be able to keep an appointment. Maybe the end of the week I will but not our usual Mon time. I am to text her the end of this week to let her know how I am doing. One text though. I probably will text her Thursday when I am up to it. Most of the anesthesia should be out of my system by then. We worked on a pain schedule where I would have an alarm go off every 4 hours to remind me to take my meds. She was insistent on this. I created a timer on my phone for meds and I will create one on my med alarm app as well. Sometimes I can sleep through the timer sound. It would be good for me to be up then I can empty my bladder.

I plan on giving my T shot tomorrow so I don’t have to worry about it for Wed. I have to take it a day early because I am not sure I will be in good space to take it on Wed. They want me to hold taking it till after surgery that day but I don’t want to be a day late in taking it.

Sox are off tonight and have a double header tomorrow. I don’t know when game 1 is. I will have to check the website. I should be home for it. It will keep me calm somewhat. It will definitely be a nice distraction. I am sure my anxiety is going to be worse tomorrow. I just home I am home by at least 7pm Wed so my friend doesn’t have to wait all day to pick me up.

a hot Sunday

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

A hot Sunday

It’s hot and sticky today. I’ve stayed in my room except to use the bathroom and have meals. I just finished watching the Sox blow the lead against the Jays and am not happy right now.

I woke up around 0130 to pee and was up for a bit afterwards. The sleep thing said I had five hours. This is the second time the app has shown me this and I have had to pee so I think I really need to make sure my bladder is empty before I lay down to sleep. Might not help as the body produces urine anyway but if I know my bladder is empty and I don’t drink anything then I have a possible good chance of sleeping a full night.

I only had one cup of coffee today so right now I am feeling wicked tired. I am listening to the rest of Hamilton. I started listening to it the other night but couldn’t finish it. I want to take a nap but am afraid that if I do I will wake up in the middle of the night again. I have such a headache because of the heat. I wish I could take some ibuprofen but I can’t because of surgery coming up. I am having a hysterectomy done as a gender affirming surgery. I don’t have to worry about an unexpected period or PAP smears anymore. I am having cramps today and I still don’t know if they are bladder or uterine. It bugs the crap out of me that I hurt and don’t know why. I will know soon enough.

I have a busy week this week. Most of it is getting prepped for surgery. I see the uro NP on Thursday to discuss things. I just hope post op I will be ok. I have enough caths to last me through the month should I have to cath every couple of hours until I heal inside. I have therapy tomorrow. I am kind of anxious about it because I don’t really want to talk about trauma. I have just one errand to do tomorrow and that is to pick up my meds when they are ready. They would have been ready last week but the pharmacy was short a few pills. I haven’t done any PT today. I am not feeling up to it because I got such a damn headache right now. It is taking every ounce of concentration to continue writing this blog.

I have to shower tomorrow. I should shower tonight but I think I am just going to take my night meds and sleep. Next week I will have to shower four days in a row and with the antibacterial soap as a prep for surgery. I tend to have more energy in the morning so I think I will shower then. I am listening to Taylor now. All her songs. I cannot wait for Nov 19 when Red (Taylor’s Version) is out. 30 fricken songs. Going to be amazing.

Saturday Blog 07082021

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

Saturday Blog 07082021

Today is my ex therapist’s and cousin’s birthday. I wished them both a happy day. I have been having a mellow day. I went to the store to pick up my pictures that I had developed. They were of my sister’s wedding and bridal shower. One roll of film didn’t come out great but then it is 16 years old so I am not surprised.

I had my coffee and a bowl of cereal. My mother had to comment about my grumpy face. Well I hadn’t had coffee yet so there. I hate when she comments on my depressed face. She isn’t supportive in it but just kinds of makes fun of me. It annoys me that she does this.

Twitter is filled with racism talk and Covid cases today. It is so depressing and angering. I am going to try and stay off it today because it is just bringing me down. I need to shave today. I might shower even though I showered yesterday. Today is hot and I have been sweaty. I am in the kitchen typing this because I wanted coffee. I need a second cup. I had three yesterday, one around 530p to watch the Sox fall apart in the 5th inning. It was such a lousy game last night. It is hot in the kitchen as it is 88 degrees out. So I am drinking hot coffee in a hot kitchen. I don’t mind drinking hot coffee. I could have made iced coffee but I just don’t feel like it.

Yesterday I ordered groceries. I ordered a bunch of yogurt because I love it. Chobani makes a strawberry cheesecake that is pretty awesome. It is basically strawberry yogurt with graham cracker sprinkles and some candy that tastes like cheesecake. I also bought protein drinks for when I am not hungry.

My sister invited me for lunch for a burger and I couldn’t say no. I love grilled cheeseburgers. I also had some potato salad and coleslaw. I saw my brother in law and he said he would be up to take care of my AC. I am still waiting. It has been more than a month. I hope there is nothing wrong with the new unit because the warranty has expired as it has been more than 30 days that I have had the unit, sitting in a box in my living room.

Next week is going to be a busy week for me. I have three appointments and need to go to the lab to give a urine sample for pre-op. It is to make sure I don’t have an infection. I go for Covid testing the following week. Shit which means that I will have to reschedule my therapy appointment for that day as it is a Monday. Maybe I won’t have therapy the week of surgery. My sister is working that week so I am having a friend pick me up after the procedure. It is day surgery. I should be ok. I just got to make sure everything I need is within reach when I am home. I won’t be able to lift things for 8 weeks so I am not sure how I am going to get my order of Gatorade for the month of August. I might have to order it before surgery to make sure I don’t run out and have plenty on hand. Not sure where I will put it but as long as I have it, that will be the important thing. I do have to keep walking so that the gas they are putting in me has a chance to be absorbed. I never had this before and hope it isn’t too uncomfortable. I am more worried about being sore and not being able to sit up in my bed. I kind of lean forward when I am in my bed than if I am in the kitchen sitting in a chair. That is my biggest concern because I will be in bed most of the time, or at least in my room. If my new AC gets put in my room by then, I hope I can put a folding chair in my room so I can sit in it for a bit rather than just stay on my bed.

I have my last PT session day before surgery. I don’t think I will be needing PT after surgery according to my surgeon so that is good. I just hope there isn’t a draw back like my back surgery where I was so tired that it was hard to move due to the duration of the surgery. This surgery doesn’t have that much blood loss so I should be ok, if all goes well.