stigma and suicide

Stigma and suicidality
“Among the 10 leading causes of death in the U.S. most are claiming fewer lives each year but sadly suicide is on of the few that continues to rise. Depression and other diseases of the mind that contribute to suicide are real illnesses, not weaknesses. Not character flaws. People battling these illnesses deserve understanding and treatment afforded people with any other llness.” Robert Gabbia AFSP Executive Director.

There is a stigma out there that mental illnesses are not real. That if you just pull your boot straps up you will be ok and not suffer from depression. I have a friend in Canada, a place where the suicide rate is higher than the US because they are still in the dark about treating depression and other mental illnesses. Like Mr. Gabbhia states this is not a character flaw or a weakness. This is real. It takes character and strength to admit there is something wrong and to see help for it. And if you don’t succeed the first time try again until you do.

If I didn’t try and try again, I probably wouldn’t be here today. I probably would have taken my life. I have seen over 10 therapists over the course of my treatment for my mental illness. My current therapist I have been with for the past twelve years and it has been the a huge difference. With the stability of treatment providers I don’t go to the hospital as much and with the value of trust between us, I can state my suicidal feelings without being held against my will in some treatment facility. I am open about how I feel with my therapist but it took a long time to get to where I was. It took about 3-4 years to really trust her and for her to trust me.

I say that it takes trust between us because most therapist are under the believe that all people that have suicidal thoughts should be hospitalized immediately if they cannot be held to safety contracts, which are worthless. Therapist think this is the way to go but it is not. It just takes the legality of it all away from the therapist and really does not put trust in the relationship. Nor does it build an alliance with the therapist because the client is always in fear of being put into the hospital for fear of stating their true feelings. Is that how therapy is supposed to go? Again you have the stigma that if you talk about suicide, you will cause suicide. That is a common myth that everyone still believes is true except for those that actually deal with it. Like me and other suicidologists around the country. Those that deal with suicide are afraid of being sued but there are measures that can be taken so that it is not as frightening as it is. I am not saying that the person with a loaded gun or is in eminent danger and threatening suicide should not be hospitalized and that that gun or other means NOT be taken away. I am saying for those that are chronically suicidal be given a chance that doesn’t include the hospital all the time. In the course of my therapy over the past twelve years I have been hospitalized 4-6 times, compared to twice a year for the previous ten years.

For resources on dealing with suicide:
http://www.suicidology.org the American Association of Suicidology.

Jobes, D. A. (2006). Managing suicidal risk: A collaborative approach. New York, NY: Guilford Press.
Michel, K., & Jobes, D. A. (2011). Building a therapeutic alliance with the suicidal patient. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association; US.

Grammys not recorded

Been lazy most of the day. I have not really left my bed except to use the bathroom and eat something. I have no real appetite. I just had a slice of cake for breakfast and then a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when I woke up at 3 pm. I think it’s because I can’t go out because of the snow and potential ice. There are snow drifts higher than me and I just don’t want to risk spraining an ankle or falling down. I need to pick up a couple of prescriptions at the pharmacy but that can wait till tomorrow. School has already been cancelled for tomorrow. It is ridiculous but then the MBTA buses have been stuck in the snow, how is a school bus supposed to maneuver side streets?

I don’t know what I will be doing tomorrow. I am supposed to have therapy tomorrow afternoon but I don’t know if that is going to happen if school in my therapist’s town is cancelled. Right now it hasn’t been yet but that could change. My urges have been decreasing but is still there. I had them today and really wanted to but distracted myself.

I am really pissed that because we had minor power outages last night the Grammys weren’t recorded. I really wanted to see Taylor Swift and Hunter Hayes’s performances. And to see if Hunter won his first Grammy. I haven’t heard anything so I am guessing not. But I did hear Carrie Underwood won.

I haven’t had much traffic on the blog today. Some days are like that. But my AAS blog came out with a research blog today (https://attemptsurvivors.wordpress.com/) It really is an amazing blog.

Faith and Hope

Faith and Hope: Are they the same?

“There is no such thing as hopeless if you believe” –Joe Nichols, Impossible

Though these two statements appear contradictory, they are the same. Faith comes from the belief in something, a God or Higher power that someone believe in whole heartedly exists even without real proof of that existence. Hope comes from within, a source that is based on faith but not wholeheartedly. People who don’t have faith do have hope, least that is what I believe as I am one of those people. I no longer have faith in a god but do believe there is a higher power. But I believe that hope does exist because without it, you are left with hopelessness and despair, which is not a good feeling. Are faith and hope feelings? Maybe. I believe that both can exist without the other. It’s belief, not faith that ties it together. If people believe in faith, it exists. If people believe in hope, it exists. If people believe in both, then it exists.

Most people have hope more than they have faith, unless they are deeply religious, than they have both. If someone believes there is a God out there, then their faith lies in that and so does their hope. Those like me who don’t believe in a God, just rely on hope to be there.

post 215

Been depressed today. I really didn’t want to do anything but I made a cake and watch game 6 of the ALDS red sox game. I really didn’t do much else. I tried typing up my paper that I wrote last night but I just don’t have the energy to do it. Maybe later.

The urges to cut have been back and forth today. I still have not injured myself. I think it will phase out once I get back to my normal routine with the hormone pills.

I am really pissed off that I can’t convert or burn Carrie Underwood’s CD Carnival Ride, so I have to purchase it again. I can’t even play it because of some license issue. I don’t remember where I bought it, I think I downloaded it at Walmart but I am not sure. This just sucks. More money for music. But I finally found the MP3 of “What hurts the most” so I am happy. I have been going crazy trying to find the Rascal Flatts CD or phone backup that had it. I knew I had it some place and I did. On my old hard drive that is as big as a paperback. I just got a tetrabyte hard drive and it’s like a cassette tape. Those that are older will know what that is. I don’t want to feel old by explaining what it is.

My left leg has been acting up and I just feel like overdosing to escape some where other than where I am at. I might just take some extra Neurontin tonight like I did last night. I just feel like if I don’t do something I am going to go crazy. I just feel so wound up and though I should just start cleaning my room or something I just am so overwhelmed by it that it makes me want to OD more. But I bear it and resist the urges to do so because the last thing I want is a 7 year old finding me in a coma or worse dead.

So yesterday I reformatted my tablet. Totally wiped it out to its original factory settings. In so doing so, I got rid of the encryption that I put on when I had to where I was working. Now I don’t have to. Problem is that I don’t remember what apps I had on there to replace. I know I had my facebook and twitter. Those are my essentials along with wordpress. It was sad that my Zipwhip app was not compatible anymore. My tablet is old as it still is running Android 3.2.1. My phone is running 4.2.1, which is I believe the “Jelly bean” Operating system. Android has funny names for the OS.