I have done nothing because there has been nothing to do without complete exhaustion. I made dinner and I am so tired it isn’t funny. I just heated some ribs and mashed potatoes then cleaned up afterwards so I wouldn’t hear the tyrant bitch. It was enough to get me worked up and feel worse than I was. I don’t know why I am so damn tired all the time. I don’t know if it is because my blood counts are still low. I just feel like crap.
I wrote an email to a friend and tried reading my book. It has been hard reading Marsha Linehan’s book as there are so many parallels between her illness and my own. The feelings are palpable and it stirs up stuff. She talked about finding god and being transformed when she found him. I can understand that. Lots of people do when their faith is strong enough or so I hear. I am glad she found him so she could move on with the demons of her life and work on “getting people out of hell”. She writes this so many times. I read some of the reviews for the book and there was a lot of complaints about this. I don’t mind it though as it is her life’s work and her book. She can write it as many times as she wants. It is how she developed a brilliant therapy that helped saved millions of lives.
Today has been a cool day so I have the AC off. I don’t remember what the weather is going to be like tomorrow. There was talk of thunderstorms but I haven’t seen the latest reports about this. It might have changed course or something. I will check it before bed. I am just worried about rain coming through the AC vent as it is open because my brother in law broke it. I have tape on it but that won’t hold much if the rain is heavy. It is windy out but not gusty.
I’ve been listening to Terri Clark and Mary Chapin Carpenter. I haven’t been on social media much. It is too upsetting for me right now. I have been trying to just rest like I should be with this stupid fluid build up. I don’t know when I will be having surgery. I am guessing sometime next week or the week after. I am kind of scared of the recovery as this first time was a doozy. It has been 10 weeks since my surgery and I still feel so tired and exhausted with doing anything. I just want to nap all the time. Yesterday I slept most of the day. I can’t stand how my stamina is so low. I am not sure what will increase it. I guess I need to do more but I don’t want the leak to get worse. I am on my last day of steroids. I hope the headaches don’t come back when I completely stop them. I don’t like the headaches as they just make me tired.