Listening to Taylor Swift
I decided to listen to Taylor because it has been a while since I listened to her music. I really love listening to her. I am listening to all her music that does not include her recent album. Her lover album is so different from her earlier music that I couldn’t put it in the playlist. It is not an album I like.
I spent most of the day sleeping. I again had an early morning awakening and couldn’t go back to sleep. I was tired most of the day. I went to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. Seems I am there every other day for one prescription or another. I hate that I am on so many meds. My antidepressant med I take two pills to give me a dose that helps me. I am surprised that it hasn’t made me nauseous yet. Usually they make me sick after a few months. But I haven’t had too much stomach problems yet. I am glad because being sick all the time is no way to be.
I have decided that I am not going to text my therapist about anything anymore. She is just not receptive to it and can careless about how my particular day is going. She doesn’t want me to become dependent on her yet she wants me to be open with her but only when we meet. It is still difficult to talk via the computer and I blank out. I try to say something, anything and nothing happens. It is like the thoughts are just sucked out of my brain. I hate that I am not talkative. We have been having a later time in the day and it has helped with me being awake during sessions. My brain still hasn’t woken up though enough to talk for 45 mins. I am sure we will work it out but I am so tired of having silences during our time.
I need to shave with my razor as my electric razor doesn’t seem to get that close as I would like. I also need to trim my sideburns. I completely messed up my mustache when I was trying to trim it so I had to shave it off. I hated to do it but the damn trimmer kind of did it for me. I think I need to try with a razor next time. I want to get it in a thin line but I am not sure I can do it. I will have to play with it. I want to get it like my uncle’s mustache was. His was always neatly trimmed. I really miss him. He probably would not accept me as a guy but I know he would still love me. He was a good man.
I am going to try and shower today. I don’t know if I will be successful as I am really tired and have no energy. I know the shower will suck whatever energy I have. I hate that it takes so much effort to wash up. I miss the days when a shower was refreshing and not a hassle. I envy my sister and nephew who can take a shower without a problem. I have sort of decided that I would take a selfie if I showered to show off my shower head hair. It is usually all messy and stuff and looks kind of cool. I don’t remember the last time I took a shower so it has been a while. If I shower today it will be the last time I will have long hair on top. I made an appointment with my barber for next week to have my haircut. I want the top short again. I can’t stand it being long anymore.