Category: chronic physical pain

a rainy but good day despite pain

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

A rainy but good day despite pain

I almost slept through my grocery delivery because they were early by 15 minutes. I put the things away but by the time I was done I was exhausted and missed the bus to the Square. I wish I had just hurried to catch it as the idiotic mothers with huge strollers were on the next bus. I can’t stand them because they each take up two seats in the front, which is dedicated to disabled persons and elderly. Just pisses me off because if there are people sitting there, they ask them to move, which I think is very rude.

I got to the Square and got my haircut. I really like it because other than the top, I have no hair! The barber did an awesome job. I then went to Starbucks for something to eat and to work on my blog project that I am procrastinating on. While talking to my niece about it, I realized it’s because it takes me a while to digest the information I read because I am not familiar with the concepts. If it was cut and dry, it might be easier but it’s not. I wrote up the two chapters I read and was going to read the next chapter but I just couldn’t. I had started journaling when I realized I had to go to my PCP’s office to get my prescription. I had forgot about it. I didn’t want to go out tomorrow because the weather is supposed to be just as crappy. I just want a day to do nothing.

I got to another Square after the PCP to meet my niece for dinner at the Indian restaurant. She wanted to walk, in the rain, to the place. I knew where it was sorta. I still think Harvard was closer but whatever. We walked and my Achilles cried. The food was excellent and I met the manager or owner and he gave us a free dessert. It was some kind of fried dough that was really sweet and rice pudding, which was also sweet but not as sweet as the dough. I had a little of each as I was full off the Masala. I will definitely be going back there!

While I was waiting for my niece, there was a Sprint store and I went there to check out the phone I wanted to get. Turns out it was a lower grade than even the model that I have now and so I won’t be getting it even though it’s cheaper than the new Galaxy S7. My contract expires Saturday. Next month I think I will decide to change plans and upgrade. I am going to try and lower my bill first as I am not in a contract anymore. If it doesn’t work out, I will get a new phone, which will still lower my bill. I will go through the store though so I can get my apps transferred to the new phone.

My niece called one of the taxi services so we didn’t have to take public transportation home. I couldn’t walk to the station as I was beat. The driver dropped me off at Walgreens so I could get my prescription filled. I rested my ankles while waiting for it to be filled. When it was ready, I went to look for wipes as my mother had told me they had them for a $1. I found the rack near the clearance rack and found two composition books for less than $2. Score. I have a composition notebook fetish or something. I just love these notebooks for some reason. I have plenty of them, but like my pens, I always want more!

and so a chapter ends

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

And so the chapter ends

I woke up really early in the morning and had a difficult time getting back to sleep. It made me not want to get out of bed when it was time to get the Zipcar. It was warm and I wore jeans instead of shorts. I was sweating really bad by the time I got to the car and quickly put the AC on. I went to Starbucks for my espresso and left.

There was traffic on the highway but I didn’t care. I had enough time on the car and my therapist wasn’t specific about me being there on time. When I got to her town, I went to Walmart to buy some PJs and some shorts. I wanted to find Sox hats for my friend’s kids but they didn’t have them. I will have to look at another store.

As I drove to her office, I thought about this being the last time I would be out this way, that this would be the last time taking route 9. I also thought about all the sessions I had out there and on the phone. I wondered how many boxes there would be after 16 years of therapy. I brought a dolly just in case there were a lot. Turns out there were two, a heavy one that I guessed was my journals and books and a lighter one that had my stuffed bears.

I took the highway home and there was traffic. The Mass highway had taken down the tolls so it was just lanes anywhere they could put them, which made for hazardous driving. The speed limit was 55 mph all the way, sometime lower in some areas or if you got behind grandma Moses.

Luckily my niece was home so she helped me bring up one of the boxes so I didn’t have to make several trips. I opened the boxes when I got home and things that I had forgotten about where there. It brought back memories of the beginning, middle, and end. I had given her a lot of my writing, including a book that I was published in by the Boston Public Library back in high school. I also had given her “The Gus Chronicles”, which is about an abused kid going through the foster system. I had to read it for one of my psych classes in college. I was wondering where that book went to. Now I can read it again.

I am glad I have my stuffed bears back. One is a 3 foot bear, not kidding. He took up half the hospital bed with me when I had my first surgery 16 years ago. I had to put him on a chair so I could sleep comfortably. The other two are smaller ones that Starbucks had put out. They are called Bearistas. I was collecting them until they stopped putting them out. It was fun.

I came home with a half hour to spare to return the car so I rested a little bit. The driving was not good for my Achilles and I was sore. I was kind of shaking and realized I hadn’t had anything to eat all day other than my espresso. I decided to return the car, drop something at the post office, and then have some pizza at my favorite place. I put $5 in my pocket with my phone, which was a mistake. I pulled my phone out and the money went bye-bye. I had to stop at the ATM for some cash. It was no big deal as I needed to go to the ATM anyway. I want to get a haircut tomorrow.

I walked home from the pizza place and got hit with allergies. I started sneezing really bad. My allergies have been bad all day as the post nasal drip has really irritated my throat and my nose keeps running. I hate allergy season.

spoonie

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Spoonie

I was finally able to shower after almost a week. I took a chance because my pain levels were low. I took a nap after my previous blog. I kept dreaming of going to the bathroom and sure enough when I woke up, I had to pee. My mother was making dinner and it was almost ready. She made vegetables and mashed potatoes and chicken cutlets. It was good.

I am still feeling crummy emotionally. I just want to hide under a rock. I don’t know if I am going to sleep good because I slept for about 2.5 hours. I’m hoping that I don’t wake up in the middle of the night again. It seems to be a recurring theme. It just ruins the whole day and it’s taking its toll on me emotionally.

I got a call from my PCP’s office that my prescription is ready for pick up. I am not sure if I will be able to go by tomorrow or not. It all depends on if I am done with my errands and such. I hope there aren’t a lot of boxes to carry from my therapist’s office. It will suck bringing it into the house. I’m kind of nervous getting my things back. It will be a lot of memories.

It’s almost 0400. I woke up around 0300 because of bloody side effects or withdrawal. I can’t be sure. My checks came in so I bought my groceries and paid a couple of bills. My bladder was calling next so I went to the bathroom. To my surprise, I had to have a bowel movement. I don’t usually have to go at this hour but I was grateful as it’s been almost a week since my last movement. Strong pain pill has that side effect. I have been trying to take less but it hasn’t been working out. I feel relieved now that I have went.

The side effects are calming down but my foot/ankle pain has ramped up. I can’t fucking win. I took my regular pain meds because it’s all I can take right now. I will be driving so I don’t want to take the heavy stuff. If it gets worse, I am going to have to. I have a high pain tolerance. I was trying to explain it to my therapist and I don’t think he got it. He wanted to know who I was angry at after I told him. Pissed me off. I still don’t know if it’s going to work out with him. I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt as he does things quite differently.

sucky mood

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Sucky mood

I slept through the night, finally but I woke up around 6 because my bladder needed to be relieved. I also took some pain meds as I was hurting. Doesn’t seem like this flare up is going to settle down anytime soon. I got up too late to take my blood pressure pills. I just didn’t want to get out of bed. I still don’t. I am feeling very depressed.

The CRPS office called me back today. They said they need a clinical referral before they could set up an appointment. I emailed my psychiatrist and she was willing to send it but I think it’s too complicated for her. She kept on asking specific questions and I answered them but then didn’t get a response. I had emailed my PCP and the secretary emailed me back saying that the information was in my record. The doc just had to access it. I was like duh but they need a referral or they won’t see me. She is going to bring it up with my PCP and go from there. I am aggravated. No where on the CRPS specialist’s site does it list a clinical referral to see her. Just another obstacle. I don’t have the patience to deal with it.

I made a grilled cheese for lunch. Surprisingly, I didn’t burn it. It came out perfect. I filled my water bottle with iced tea. I am going to try and drink more today as I didn’t really do so yesterday. I am feeling really tired so I am going to nap after I write this. My mother is making chicken cutlets for supper, least I hope she is. Sometimes she changes her mind and makes a stir fry.

I reserved the car for tomorrow to go to my ex-therapist’s office to collect my things. I will have the car for a few hours just so I can ride around some. I want to go to Walmart and buy some pajama shorts and regular shorts so I don’t always wear jeans.

My ankle is just throbbing right now. I can’t stand it. I am going to stop here so I can rest. Talk to you guys later.